make me laugh?

Question

make me laugh the most for the top

Answer 1

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dammit Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"

Answer 2

Joke #1: How to catch a Polar Bear:

This is how you catch a Polar Bear:
Dig a hole, then put some peas around it, and then some ash in it. When the bear comes to eat the peas, kick it in the ash hole!

Joke: #2 A boy wanted to learn the first 5 letters of the alphabet. So, he went to his sister who was on the phone, and he asked her what the first letter of the alphabet is. She was saying to her friend "no way, shut up!" So, the boy memorized that. Then he went to his mom, who was also talking on the phone. He asked what the second letter of the alphabet was. She was saying "aha,aha, aha." So he memorized that too. Then he went to his brother who was watching Batman. He asked his brohter what the third letter of the alphabet was. He sang "nananana, batman!" So the boy memorized that. Then he went to his Grandpa who was grilling hamburgers. The boy asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was. He said "My buns are burning! My buns are burning!" Then the boy shouted outside the window while a building was falling, "What's the fifth letter of the alphabet?" A lady was shouting "call 911!" The next day at school, the teacher asked him to say the first five letters of the alphabet. He said "no way, shut up!" The teacher said "Do you want to go to the principal's office?" He then said "aha, aha, aha." Once he was at the principal's office, the principal asked him "who do you think you are?" the boy said "nanananana, batman!" The principal spanked him, then the boy said "My buns are burning!" Then the principal said "what's your parents' numbers?" The boy siad "Call 911!"

Those are the funniest jokes I know.

Answer 3

Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Answer 4

Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Answer 5

A pirate walks into a bar and he's got a steering wheel sticking out of the fly of his pants. The bartender hollers over to him "Hey, Mr. Pirate, did you know you have a STEERING WHEEL sticking out of your pants?
The pirate says "AAAARRRRRRRRR...." It's driving
me nuts.

Answer 6

Hummm... Make you laugh...O.K...
Hillary Clinton for president......

Answer 7

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/607/Bohemian+Rapshody/

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/228/Dont+Cyber+In+Holland/

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/553/Gollum+Rap/

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/419/Fat+Kid+Wants+A+Date/

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/14/The+Crazy+Kids/

some of those are funny! lol