Battle of who should be called mommy! Part II?

Question

I had a close friend kind of like a sister for 12 years, well she had a baby and knew she couldn't raise her because of her drug habit. So she asked me if I would raise her until she got on her feet. I was more than happy to help. After the baby turned 2 days old i took her home, well legally we had to go through the courts, that was before I was married I wasn't finacially stable, so I asked my mom if she would sign for the baby, but the baby would be living with me. Well that went as planned and the paper work has my mothers name on it. At the beggining I was living with my mom, but i was the one who took care of the baby, now that i am married and the baby lives with me and my husband, i am doing more than taking care of the baby. Everytime my mom is around and the baby calls me mom (19 months old) my mother corrects her and tells her to call me her sister and her mom. Who should be called mom? Me or my mother? My mother is not raising her, I am, so who?

Oh yeah, the custody is permnant protective custody from the biological mom, they call it permanant but there is a small chance in the futre she could get the baby back....shes a bad off crack head i don't see it happening!

The mom has NO LEGAL RIGHTS, she doens't even have assigned visitation, i call her and tell her she can *** over but the baby is 19 months and she only came to see her twice! She was 8 months then, she didn't even come to her 1st bday party...

The mom has NO LEGAL RIGHTS, she doens't even have assigned visitation, i call her and tell her she can come over but the baby is 19 months and she only came to see her twice! She was 8 months then, she didn't even come to her 1st bday party...

Answer 1

If she is going to call anyone mum it should be you. Why would your mum even say that when she is not the one raising her. Do you have any idea when she will go back to her biological mother? It may also cause probs there too if she is calling you mum when she goes back to her birth mum. It's a difficult situation but I think it was very generous of you to take on a child that is not your own.

Answer 2

I think her birth mother should let you adopt her, that will only mess the baby up emotionally the longer you have her, then tell her she has a different mom. If her mom comes back in a year or two I would go to court for custody (the mother has a good chance of falling off the wagon after she cleans herself up) p.s. I think she should call you mom, and your mom has no say, she didn't raise her. Of course legally she is the one raising her but if she did the right thing she would act as a grandma.

Answer 3

Whoa! That could be one confused kid unless you talk to your mom immediately. Talk to her when the baby and your husband are not around. It's sounds like you should be called Mom, and all parents have to lay down parimeters for the grandparents. Your battle is a little different than most but it should be handled the same as any other parent-grandparent battle. The thing you most need to express to your mom is that she can't undermine you in front of your child on ANY issue. If you have biological children in the future they will call you mom and her grandma...anything else would seriously confuse all the kids in the family. (I believe your mother needs to grow up.)

Answer 4

She shouldn't call either of you mom, you said you were taking care of this child till your friend got on her feet, so it sounds like she is coming back for this child. So this child should not be confused, she should call you auntie maybe but not mom. Her mother is still alive and your only doing this till she gets on her feet. Its not your child, and its not your mothers child. If you said you adopted this child, and your friend had no interest in coming for her, then yes the child could call you mom, but not if the mother is coming back to get her child. She should be told now that your not her mother and have a picture of her mother so that way when mommy comes back she will know its her mother and not be confused. Its a child, not a doll. Stop confusing her

Answer 5

If your raising her then I would think you should be called Mommy! It would be more confusing to try to explain how she lives with you, but your really her sister & your mom, who she doesn't live with, is really her mom. Does she know she also has another Mom out there? Does she see her ever? Will she someday go to live with her maybe? You should try to keep things as simple as you can, but honest. This little girl needs to know that she can always count on you to tell her the truth no matter what & that you will always be on her side & whether or not your her real Mom, or not, you will always love her & take care of her the same as if you gave birth to her yourself! No matter what changes happen, or comes in & out of her life, she can depend on you to do whats best for her. If your Mom really cares about the baby, she will try to think of what would be best for the baby & not about what herself wanting to be called Mom. Talk to her. Good Luck!!!

Answer 6

legally, it is the older woman's daughter, but, since when do babies pay any attention to the law?

the baby shoud decide who it chooses to call "mom".

there is a difference between a "mother" and a "mommy", if you will. Just because someone is your "mother" does not make them your "mommy".

so, you zare deffinatly the "mommy", your mom is, by law, the babies adoptive mother, and your friend is the babies mother.

your mom does not have the right to make the baby call you "sis" or anything like that. the baby could call you "lollypop" and she really doesn't have any say in the matter.

Answer 7

OKay this gets me. You're doing something good for this kid but at the same time...this situation is whacked. But hey, I'm in a whacked situation too where the mother marries and dumps guys quickly and each one is the kids father and they are to call that man father until she finds another one. their real dad is not to be called dad cos he is not a dad cos he doesn't love me crap...shes whacked...anyway....
This kid should call whoever it wants to call mom, mom. We have custody of one child that isnt mine nor my hubby's but is the sister of my hubby's daughter. She's known my hubby as Dad because he's been there for her in that role when the real one couldn't be. It's up to the kid. When the kid gets older...you can explain the situation (and you should cos the kid has a RIGHT to know) and that kid can choose for themselves. And tell your mom what she is doing to the kid outta her selfishness to get called mom....which is messing up and confusing the kid...especially if you dont live with her anymore.

Answer 8

my sister had a baby boy and couldnt take care of him... my mother took over raising him when he was 18 months. at firs he called my mom meme me aunty and continued calling Angel(his real mother) mommy. once he started school he got confused. his friends all lived with their mommy... so he started call my mom mommy and me his sister...beacuse that is the way every one elas lived. but Ange got mad and started telling him "no i'm mommy!" well he started calling every woman he saw mommy! i got to tell you that was the worsst time in his life! the poor little guy was so confused he just kinda sat in one place of a month and did nothing! we sat him down and told him that he had 2 mommys the one he lived with(my mom) and the one who had him in her belly! he now calls them both mom and is fine with it. you and your mom need to sit down and discuss this problam befor your little girl gets too confused it will be the worst time of her life! tell your mom that maybe you shoud both be mommy. it may make things a lot easyer for the little girl.

Answer 9

You both are the child's mother. You both looked after her when her own mother couldn't. Maybe you should use different variations of the word mother. This should not become a battle between you and your mother because in the end the child will be confused.

Answer 10

I think you should be called mom because you are the mom. If you are raising her and providing for her why shouldn't you be. That was a sweet thing you did for your friend I hope all is well with that.