Couldn't motherhood could be considered a selfish act?

Question

We can not choose to be born. Many people hate life, choose not to live any longer, and kill themselves. Do potential mothers give any thought to the fact that the child they are carrying into this world may not have wanted to be born? In that sense, isn't motherhood a selfish act? Mothers typically do not think in these terms and have children because of their biological clock, as a means to express love with a significant other, etc. As touching as some answers may seem, isn't motherhood a selfish act by default since you are forcing a child to be born that may not want to be born?

I do not need psychiatric help. I'm completely sane and have the plaque from the mental institution to prove it!

Some women have children to make themselves feel like they have self-worth. Plus the fact that it gives them a job: motherhood. Why can't these women pursue intellectual endeavors to better themselves and instead of the accepting the premature enlightenment that comes with childbirth?

To be perfectly honest, I have a life. In fact, it is being a medical student. I also have two parents that love me and raised me to be a good person. I asked the question for philosophical perspective. Nietzsche initially discussed this idea and I changed it to modernize the question. If, deep down, you disagreed with me, you wouldn't have had such a emotional reaction cutemamma330. Did I hit a nerve because you see that I made such a strong point?

MEESH, the point went over your head. Yes, it is true that a child cannot be asked to be born but that is why it is important for potential mothers to think this question through: Is the risk worth it? Yes, most people would be happy to be born if asked later on in life but, every now and then, a child is born that continues to hate life throughout adulthood. (I base that idea on suicides that take place every year and how some existential philosophers discuss that one must wake up every day and choose to continue living.) Again, is the risk worth it?

myrtairaven, where do I begin...
If unplanned, the child cannot be forcing himself or herself to live since the child does not exist yet. You might be Christian, so that is where this idea is stemming from. I would counter with Buddhism which states that a soul is an improvable concept. If a soul cannot be empirically proven, this question could not be asked. If there is no soul, then the child has never existed before a spermatozoa met the ovum. That means the child could not desire to be born.
Having sex and the condom breaking does not mean the child wants to be born. Forgetting to take a birth control pill does not mean it either. Most accidents are not really accidents: some women desire a child so badly, they would take a “pretend” oops just to make it happen. Don’t believe me: volunteer at a community health center and listen to new soon-to-be mothers.

To its_rhea_peea
Adoption is never selfish. One may argue the act of childbirth itself is selfish, but adoption is not. You did not choose the child to exist, you are merely trying to help another human being already born in this world; you are trying to make the best of a bad situation. The act of adoption should be applauded, not thought of as selfish.

cutemamma330,
You are just mad that I called motherhood a job. When you think about a "job", you obviously think about it in a pessimistic context. I never thought calling anything a "job" was negative. You seem to think negatively about it…so you let me see if I've got your situation right: you quit your job because it made you miserable and decided to raise a family hoping to find contentment. I hope you found your happiness because, judging from your tone, it doesn't sound like it. You have my sympathy.

Answer 1

It is a selfish act sometimes with certain women. In a case where a woman becomes pregnant to hold on to a man she is only thinking of herself and not that future life. Raising a child takes a lot of money and love. A lot of women don't consider this fact before bringing a child into the world. Also it is a woman's responsibility to make sure that the man she bears a child for is worthy of this and will support the child, otherwise the child becomes not just a burden to herself but to the government.

Answer 2

I have been thinking about this often.

Especially with how terrible the world is these days, I sometimes think I would be selfish to bring somebody into a world that even I am afraid to be living in. And as much as my parents tried to protect me, I had some terrible things happen to me that I would never want to happen to anyone else. And since the chance of being killed or raped goes up every year...
And I've also thought about the people who just hate life. I've met a few, and they have had "help" with it, and are still just unhappy. I'd hate to think that I'd be bringing a child into the world who will wish every day I hadn't done it.

I have mixed feelings on this. I don't think people who have children are being selfish, but I feel like if I did it, it might be selfish of me. (Which is why I plan to adopt and POSSIBLY have 1 or 2 biological children.)

I'm happy to see that somebody else has thought along the same lines as I have.

Answer 3

Motherhood is anything BUT selfish! Only a guy would ask a question like that! A baby doesn't come into the world wanting or not wanting to be born. Simple as that! An adult may wish they were never born but that is due to enviorment, parent and other issues... that has nothing to do with a mother being selfish by bringing a sweet little baby into this world.

Answer 4

All I'm seeing on this drawback is alot of LACK OF COMMUNICATION & honesty! Yes, it was once a egocentric act on his aspect by means of now not with no trouble selecting up a telephone and permitting you to with no trouble pass directly residence, experience a few "me" time with him now not being there and permitting him to do what he "quite" desired to do within the first situation which was once spend a while along with his household. Your day was once already terrible, what greater option to take all of that strain away then to get residence wherein there is silence, run a sizzling bathtub and chill out? So, your response must be this, WE NEED TO TALK! Cut off all varieties of distractions like telephone and television, provide an explanation for to him the way you quite felt approximately his habits and also you 2 ought to come to an contract that there demands to be greater verbal exchange and ALOT MORE attention of each and every others time and time table relocating ahead. Then track how this is going relocating ahead. How he reacts to a equivalent drawback one day will inform you instead or now not he care's adequate approximately the connection and your total emotions.

Answer 5

I think this is a great question and its really got me thinking.

Ok so is that in relation to planned or unplanned. Because fair enough if the women actively tries to get pregnant forcing another life into the world that had no choice. But what about unplanned/accidental pregnancies? If the women is doing all she can to NOT get pregnant and she does, does that mean the child has chosen to live and be born. And in that case the feotus didnt ask the mother whether or not it was ok with her to lodge in her womb for 9 months, suck all the vitamins, nutrients form her body. And then force her to endure the horrible pain of childbirth!!!

What about miscarriages and abortion?
If a a women miscarries does that mean the baby decided it didnt want to be here and commits suicide?
If a women aborts is she simply getting rid of an unwanted pregnancy or murdering the fetus or is she sinply bowing to the wants of the child because it doesnt want to be born, and if born would kill itself anyway or be angry that it was born?

This question is very thought provoking. I know many times I have asked my Mum WHY she gave to birth to me. When my life has gotten a bit hard. But nature is nature. We are animals and are meant to propagate the species. This is a built in instinct.
We really have no control over whether or not the sperm enters the egg and forms another human being, we have no control over whether that human will survive the 9 months in the womb, we have no control over whether that human will enjoy life and be thankful or be resentful for the life he or she was given.
All we can do as parents is try and provide our children with all the love they need and give them the best life that we are able to. No-one has total control over everything, we do the best we can with what we have.

In relation to "we really have no control over whether the sperm enters the egg" I am ignoring the use of IVF.

Answer 6

People do have children to start families. I don't worry about the bioligical clock now, since I'm only 21. Our creator gave women the choice to have children, so I guess when women get pregnant, God's helping them? Gosh I don't know, I know that it's wrong in my book to have a child over the age of 35. It'll put the child under emotional stress that they'll know that their own parents will probably die before their 30th birthday if their parents had them over 40. Good question.

Answer 7

i am shocked that you could actually think that motherhood is a selfish act. If there is any aspect of life that a person is not happy with, then they need to want change bad enough to change things.. not blame their mothers for carrying them for 40 wks, and giving birth, THEN raise them!! give me a break.. there is NOTHING selfish about being a mother.

By the way, as a mother my self..When my baby was first born i was so busy and tired that i actually would FORGET to eat for a WHOLE day and half!!!!!! Hun, there is nothing selfish about that...or 3 am feeding, pooppy diapers, i could go on...........



About your last comment there... Get a life.. I am a stay at home mom.. i didn't have kids to GIVE ME a job. I was blesses with them, and now it is my responsibly to provide a loving home and care for their EVERY NEED. I have CHOSEN to not work, so i can truly focus on giving them a great start to life. To make sure they feel loved, and teach them to value life, and the world around them. Raising kids to be WELL ROUNDED ADULTS (that can stand on their own) is not an easy job.... maybe that's what your lacking.. you are obviously not a well rounded adult.. get a life!!

Kids today are tomorrows future!!

****The only reason i have such a strong reaction is that to me raising my kids is very important AND personal. I chose to stay home so i won't miss out on any impartant mildstone.. its as personal to me as to the ppl who choose to not have kids... it has nothing to do with being selfish or none of the bull you throw in there.

Answer 8

well, i am an adopted child, i love my life i am glad my biological mother did the unselfish thing not to kill me, my 5 children have full lives, they are happy, and very glad they were born, who are you talking about, many, many how many? depression can be treated, suicide is very selfish though, choose to be happy and if you are not do what it takes to fix the problem, you should see a professional, maybe you had a bad parent and are trying to make good ones feel bad

Answer 9

No, motherhood is not a selfish act. It is built on the foundation of love, hope and trust and held in the hands of Almighty God. Most children are happy to be alive, but it seems you have been one of the unfortunate ones so I pray that things get better for you so that you can find peace and satisfaction in this great world of ours. Since we are human beings, there are some parents who do their job well while there are others who are very destructive forces, but please don't judge all mothers by the few that blemish the name of "motherhood". I wish you well.

Answer 10

Your error is in believing that a person may not want life. I would agree that some parents are selfish, but not in the fact that they had children, but in how they care for them and raise them. Evidently, your parents didn't do too well...your views are tainted. With what, I'm not certain, but it is off-key.