This is a question for muslims?

Question

why wont my boyfriend tell his father and uncles about me he is from afghanistan and we have two children together and we have been together for 4 years and all his family know about me and the children he has told then that we are married and i talk to his mother on the phone but when i tell him to tell his father and uncles about us he says no and i have his fathers phone number and when i said i was going to phone his father and tell him everything he said he would leave me and said it is not nice for me to tell his father about us and he has to tell him but why wont he tell him about us then

Answer 1

You say that "all his family" know about you, but then it seems not his father and uncles. It would help if you could give more information - are you legally married, and are you Islamically married? By the way, people ought to know that traditionally Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian women, though Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslim men. Also, where are you and where are his family? It sounds like they are scattered.

Absolutely, it would would hurt your husband's and his father's sense of honour to have such news from you rather than from your husband. Moreover, if you know anything about Afghan culture, you will know that an offence against honour is insufferable, and is usually compensated in blood; you need to be very careful, for the sake of you, your husband, and your kids. There may be a very good reason why your husband is not telling his father - who may already know - but your husband needs to explain everything to you.

By the way, Islam is only part of this, it is mainly an issue of Afghan culture, which often clashes with Islam! I recommend that you find out as much as you can about Islam as well as about Afghanistan. Are you learning Farsi/Pushto?

If you are to have a future together, there needs to be trust; he needs to trust you with the truth about his background, his culture and family, and you need to trust him to handle his family in the best way.

Good luck!

EDIT:

I just looked at your other questions from your profile.

It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure - two small kids, problems with your family, big decisions to make......

In my opinion, don't go to AF unless yo are absolutely confident about your husband. The life there is more different than I think you know. The war is not the problem, but the culture is very different. You will have absolutely no rights that you could practically enforce; even your husband would feel under pressure to do as his father and elder bothers instructed. So unless you are confident in your husband, and/or happy to go along with the local culture, don't go. The whole issue about telling his Dad ties up with this.

You might say to your husband that you're not ready yet, that you want to learn more about the culture so yo will be prepared; try to meet other Afghan women, and try to keep some connections with your own family, or with anyone that understands you and your life. Good luck again!

Answer 2

Why is this question posed to 'muslims?' There is nothing in Islam which forbids someone from telling their father about their wife!! It's probably a family thing or something...or an afghan cultural thing.

Answer 3

Don't tell his family about it .usually Muslims want intermarriages among themselves.Muslims must marry Muslims.if a Muslim marry a non-Muslim the person must be willing to convet to the Islamic religion.
Muslims also deal in betrothing.So at early stages,they have selected suitors so at adulthood you are expected to marry that person.
his reason might be that you are not a Muslim and may not be willing to join his faith or he might have left a lady chosen by his parents for him to marry you.he might also be having a wife at home with his parents.i could be wrong.
get him to tell you why.

Answer 4

Maybe your wife No.7 and he knows his father will tell you, how do u actually no you are talking to his mother and not another of his wifes,.....honey, get out now....theres obviously no trust, if he loves you he would tell the world...

Answer 5

Honour. No consolation I know, but the worst case scenario could involve his male relatives killing you if they found out. If he thinks this, then not refusing to tell them is his way of protecting you. By the way, I'm not Muslim but thought I should let you know what I thought regardless and hope it helps.

Answer 6

is simple:
It's like this: if he tells that you told him to tell , someone else will tell instead about your husand telling what you told him not tell or what to tell, so the told story will be more like a tell tale for any one who hasnt been told and your in laws wont appreciate telling tales that hasnt been told ever before.
Oh what Islam has to do with this?
you could ask any Jew for that matter and come up to the same conclusion.

Answer 7

Drink Alcohol confident, haram non-alcohol and non-purple meat and non-blood (non disgusting), No intercourse earlier marriage: haram. approximately asking nutrition as halal have been a custom on account that they in no way even see any purple meat around :), and no-one would not choose nutrition. people ought to eat. whilst they bypass to the west, possibly their curious.

Answer 8

Im not shocked. 'Islam' Peaceful and understanding i think not. Its just about reached where christianity was 500 years ago... so behind the times and out of touch with western society (and no im not a christian just stating a fact)

Answer 9

because his father won't accept a christian daughter in law

Answer 10

Wow, what a great relationship you have going on there. Welcome to being the 2nd class doormat that most of these muslim guys expect their women to be. It's only going to get worse. Get you and your kids out while you can. If he takes the kids to Afghanistan they're gone forever.