In the beginning of our 2 year relationship when I would eat dinner with his parents,I would help clean up the kitchen and wash dishes.,but his mom would always end up grabbing the dish out of my hand telling me in Spanish that she was going to wash them.This happened many times and soon I just started to not help wash. I'd pick up my plate and put food away, and that was it.Then last week I started to rinse the dishes and my boyfriend told me "No! Leave it there" in a stern voice, and I said "no, I'm going to rinse them..." but then again he said no. So, I left the dish by the sink. Then later that night him and I were talking and he said, "you aren't self motivated, and even my parents notice it by how you don't help out around here, like how you don't help my mom wash dishes after dinner."I broke down crying because I'm not that type of girlfriend who just goes to a house and makes a mess.I would do anything for his parents! I need advice on how to show them that I am self motivated
2007-03-25 10:23:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I understand why many would say to dump him - yes he should have stood up to me. But at the same time I wonder if I should have just told the mom, "No, I want to help." I thought that it would be rude of me to talk back to her.
One of you suggested to stay away from his house during supper time; I think that this is FAR from helping the situation because then they would see that I'm not taking action to solve the problem.
Maybe I should bake them cookies and probably take the mom some flowers and when it comes to supper time tell my boyfriend, "tonight we're doing the dishes and letting your parents rest." then what can he say? no? and if his parents say no to me, I'll start cleaning on my own and then, if this subj. of me not being motivated comes up again - that's when I'll DUMP him!
2007-03-25 11:04:40 · update #1
Baby, you're putting all the blame on yourself when you are doing nothing wrong. It is not your job to help around the house and if they want to be rude, let them - by themselves. AND if he is adding on to the rudeness, don't dump him just yet. Let him know that you do stand up for yourself but his parents are very rude to you and if he can't realize that then he doesn't know or respect who you are. You owe yourself better babes. Trust me. I've been there. AND they may not change unfortunately.
2007-03-25 11:11:30 · answer #1 · answered by Sasha C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry they're treating you like that...I really don't know why they would act like they don't want your help and then complain about it. You should talk to your boyfriend about it again, and see if maybe there is a misunderstanding? If you can't feel comfortable around them, I would refrain from eating supper with them anymore.
You said you would do anything for them, and need advice to show them that you are self motivated...well, it sounds to me that they are just plain critical, and probably no amount of hard work on your part is going to please them. It's tough, but I wonder if your boyfriend just isn't the kind who can communicate with you and maybe you should break it off. I mean, why is he saying, "No! Leave it there!" in a stern voice to you, and then making you cry later? How rude and insensitive! No, you definitely deserve better! Good luck, and again, I'm sorry, because it probably isn't the advice you wanted to hear....hope things work out for you.
2007-03-25 10:35:51 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Offer to help, continue to offer to help. It is the polite thing to do. If they say no, well, fine. Then you say, "are you sure? My Mother taught me to help after the dinner, but you always tell me "no". If it is still no, smile big, and say, "OK, but I will continue to offer, I do not want to embarrass my Mom!"
And I would get the BF alone, before the next dinner, and ask him point blank, what is the deal? I offer, I'm told no, I offer again, no, to the point your mother takes the dishes out of my hands, and you speak sternly to me in front of everyone, telling me no. Your mother does seem not like me, you do not take my part, you embarrass me, she embarrasses me, what is the deal? Is this your way of telling me goodbye? I'm not good enough?
I'm sorry to say, mostly, when the Man's Mom does not approve, the GF is history.
You did not say if you are a part of their culture, or from one different. So, remember, in their traditional ways, the Man is the boss, the wife does what he says.
It sounds like the BF was setting you up for failure, by telling you no. How do you keep house at your place, is it spotlessly clean?
And, how is your relationship with your Mom, do you have one, is it good, does your Mom thinkyou are wonderful? If the answers are yes, then time to introduce the Moms! Have yours bring the photo albumn with all the pics, or, at least have her call long distance. For a nice long bragging session.
Hope you find something in this that helps. Good luck!
2007-03-25 11:48:42 · answer #3 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all......no matter what, just be yourself. There also is some parents that NO ONE is good enough for their little boy......so this is another thing you can consider. You need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him this. Just remember, you are not a slave either. Why doesn't he help out too? I've been married for years, and it's nothing for me to help my wife with the dishes, wash clothes....do folding.....when I eat at her parent's house....I'll do the same. Consider all of this.....before you make a committment to him. Best of luck to you with this.
2007-03-25 10:33:32 · answer #4 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
... sweetheart, his mother hasn't wanted to trust you with her dishes let alone her son; but now your boyfriend is playing mindgames with you criticising you for obeying his stern direction, and using his parents as his irrefutable foundation for criticizing... How long has he been ordering you around by the way? And do you think he won't use his family again as excuse to criticize you?
WHY would you want to be part of that family?
There's no love and respect and welcome for you there, and you DESERVE better. He and they blew it; dump him.
2007-03-25 10:45:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not show them anything!!!
You did try to help and the mother did not want it. I would ask your BF if his parents are blind?
I think you need to take your motivation and get a new BF. He should have stuck up for you when they said something.
2007-03-25 10:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by stolibabe2003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go out of your way to do something nice for his parents, just something to show that you appreciate them. Maybe baking them a cake or bringing over cookies.
2007-03-25 10:35:18 · answer #7 · answered by Christine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They will be never satisfied with you. Your boyfriend should stand by you, he's a wimp. Been there, they always came with something to blame me for. If you can't stand up for yourself dump him.
2007-03-25 12:49:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time to wave him goodbye. No decent man would side against his girlfriend, so you are already an ex-.
2007-03-25 10:29:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't EVER come between a man and his mommy. Big mistake because you'll lose.
2007-03-25 14:05:14 · answer #10 · answered by Mon-chu' 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋