My In laws don't care about important events involving our children?

Question

Like baby showers, births, birthday parties, etc...My Sister in law is about to have her first child. I would like to be involve with the child since I will be it's Aunt. My OWN family says if they don't care about my children why should I care about their children and their events. Is this what I should do? Return the rude behavior? They once said my family is really good at just having babies all the time.It's my husband's stepmom who said that. I have only two, and my sister has two..What on earth does that mean? My children are the only grandchildren in my husband's whole family so there is no excuse of having other Grandchildren to play with. My godmother having no blood relationship to me or my children send gifts and cards to my children, and I don't even receive a call from my sister in law or brother in law...I know they don't have to do it, but...they are family? What happened to family values?

Answer 1

go to the parties and such for your niece

lead by example maybe they will realize they are doing wrong when you do right

then you will have a good relationship with your niece and if there behavior doesnt change that's there fault not yours

Answer 2

If they're just expecting their first child now, it's possible they have just never realized how wonderful it is to have a child, and how important and fleeting every moment of childhood is. I think you should be patient for a little longer, and be involved in your niece or nephew's life the way you wish your in-laws would be involved in your children's lives. If they still don't get it after they've celebrated first steps, first birthdays and first days of pre-school, then maybe you'll just have to accept that they have different values than you do. You can't change other people, you can only decide how much you'll let those other people affect you. It would be wonderful if we could all create the loving extended family environment that we'd like for our children, but if that's not the reality then sometimes we just have to create the best environment we have available to us.

Answer 3

I have a similar problem with my in-laws but for me it is my Mother and Father-in-law. They refuse to come to any school or sports events because they find them boring. My daughter is their only grandchild in school right now and she has been hurt a lot because of this, she calls and invites them to everything hoping that they will finally say yes. My mother-in-laws reasoning was that with 5 grandkids (I have 3 and my sister-in-law has 2), once she starts attending events they will be constantly going to something. Considering that her 5 grandkids come from 2 families and will probably even attend the same schools, I don't see that as a problem. As for being board the last time I checked going to those events were about being there and showing your interest in the kids, not for your own entertainment. My mom has so far drove 12 hours to see my two older kids in a scocer game and on another occasion drove 12 hours to go to a school concert. I find it pathetic that my mom has made it to more events than my inlaws who live 1 mile away. Sorry for my long rant, this is as sore a subjet to me as it is to you, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Answer 4

Some families grew up together knowing more pain than what's in the Bible. Some people simply do not know how to share.

Don't take it personal, don't try to force them because it won't work anyway. Don't worry about the meaning of the things they say ~~~ to understand them you would have to have grown up in their shoes.

I know it's difficult, but part of loving is accepting people for who and what they are ~~~ not what you wish they would be ~~~ even if you feel your wish for them would be more positive and loving.

Just continue to be yourself ~~~ if you wish to send them a card on their birthday et. al, then do it, but don't expect anything in return.

Remain sweet and kind, as your writing expresses you are, and take special care of the godmother who does care ~~~ make her your children's special "grandparent type person".

If you try to force your kids onto the relatives your children are going to feel the "cold" they exude ~~~ what good does that do!?!

Keep your heart and mind open and erase all negative thoughts about the relatives from your mind and heart or you will pass that negativity on to your kids, and I know you don't want to do that.

Be patient and lovingly yourself ~~~ you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Good Luck and Good Bless you and your lovely family.

Answer 5

I think that you should let them know how you feel, that usually helps but at the same time could cause some problems between you and your in laws I would try explaining to them that you feel these events are important. Try explaining to them that they are apart of the family and things like this should be important. Maybe they will give you some kind of feed back. Good luck ~!!!

Answer 6

People are just different . You were raised different and that is ok. When people get married and have kids they blend together two families with different beliefs, values and traditions and it is sometimes hard. I would say continue to be who you are and if you want to make a big deal of things go ahead and if others don't that is ok too. Just be who you are and let them be who they are.

I bet they care just show it in a different way than you are use to.

Answer 7

Wake up and smell the coffee. My mother in law thinks I poked holes in the condoms that we never used. And she told my husband that I trapped him forever, but having his children. People are a******* these days. Family values flew the coop. Do what you feel your heart says to do. Forget the in laws rude comments. My husband and myself have been together for 12 years, and I will never be good enough.

Answer 8

Some people just don't seem to care or maybe there is a jealousy issue of some sort going on here.
Are they jealous of what your family is like?
I would try to be involved with the new baby and maybe this will help bring them around.You can't force yourselves on them but truly it is their loss.What does your husband think of this? Does it bother him or is he used to this behavior?
I count family as high on the top of my list of priorities and it sounds as though you do too. Too bad we don't all feel the same way.

Answer 9

you mentioned your godmother... you're catholic... that is her job out of guilt and obligation to buy you and your kids stuff.

the comment made by your husband's step-mother was probably a bit of sarcasm over you being catholic (all they know how to do is have kids and raise them with guilt)

people that were NOT born and raised catholic do not feel the PRESSURE to involve everyone in every event and sometimes feel that showers, parties, etc are just feeble attempts to beg for money and gifts... I'M NOT SAYING that is your intent... but SOMETIMES the family may feel that you are trying to use your catholic guilt on them and they are rebelling against that.

family values don't come from extended family: they come from raising your children to respect ONE ANOTHER and you and your spouse... it's not about EXTENDED family B.S.

Answer 10

Thats sad but unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it unless you talk to them about it. Chances are if you do talk to them they might only do it for a little while and them stop again. Some people are just too busy to appreciate the important things in life, its unfortunate though.