What advice can I give my 27 yr old son?

Question

His dad is passed away and he has practically given up all his friends for this girl. Although I didn't like the crowd he use to hang with and his girlfriend is none of my business. I try to stay out of his affairs. I do feel that the reason they get into arguements is because of her jealousy and immaturity. She is a very pretty girl. They do frequent the bars and all I can do is offer my two cents worth of advice. Most of their arguements start at the bar because he looked at her friend or he spoke to a friend of girl he used to date. Me or someone from the family has to come and pick him up on the side of the road. My advice to him "stay out the bar" and he said he didn't like going anyway, he has discussed this with her but she is 22 and still likes to go to be with her friends. Seems everytime I see him lately he is emotionly upset about this girl and he won't listen to anybody. He has been throwed out of the bar many times and she stay's to be with her friends. What can I say?

Yes, I also feel like he needs counseling. He deserves much better. He has job skills and nice looks. He should have more self esteem.

He builds houses.

Yes, he is depressed and this is why i am so worried I see that he has her on a pedistal. I am not saying that his life is perfect, no is hasn't been in the past. He would actually start going to church if he had the right girl. He idolizes her and blaimes everything on something he did. He looks over most over her faults. Part of the problem is because he lets her do this to him. He just needs more confidence in himself.

No, I know I can't fix this. I care about my son and I am concerned for his depression.

Answer 1

Being a mother to your son sounds truly difficult with this girl on his arm. She has no idea of a relationship if she lets him get tossed out of a bar and winds up staying with her friends.

The only advice I can give is this: Son, I know "Barb" is a pretty girl, but that's all she is. A girl. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your life, but looking at this from the outside, it seems you get the crap end of the stick every time. She wants you to go out with her and her friends, but if you look at any of them, she gets upset. That kind of jealousy NEVER goes away. Think of it this way: Ten years down the road, is this the woman you see yourself married to? If so, is that the kind of marriage you want? If not - then you need to cut ties now. I know she's beautiful, but there are a lot more beautiful women out there who are NOT like that.

Answer 2

I think she's too immature for him, but there's a reason he's not letting her go- afraid of being alone, good sex (sorry- have to throw it in), etc. If he's not listening to anybody, it will be hard to get through to him. Ask him if he has tried compromising with her (though I think I know the answer). Has he tried asking her why she gets so upset when he talks to someone else? If he's done all that and more, there's not much hope for the relationship. He will be happier without her, but unfortunately, you telling him to break up with her will only make him more bullheaded about the whole situation. The next time he complains about another argument, remind him you're there to listen, and that you think he deserves to be treated better than that- nothing more (unless he asks for more- then he can't complain). ;) That lets him know you'll listen to him and think he shouldn't be in the relationship, but it doesn't push the issue. (On a different note- certain things you said make me wonder if your son is depressed. You said he's upset all the time and has given up most of his friends. Both of those are hallmarks of depression- you might want to try talking to him about that.) Hope this helps!~

Answer 3

It sounds like it's time for some crisis intervention of the professional type. I won't get too specific here but just remember that we all were at a point in time when we "knew it all". Basically he is an alcoholic and until he admits he has a problem there is NOTHING you nor anyone else can do. It like any other is a disease and the alcoholic CANNOT stop w/o HELP !!Please accept this fact ,You cannot reason with a drunk !! Yes it is a tough thing to face. May I suggest AL ANON ?There are people there who understand .They have or are where you are now. Just remember this the more you "harp" on him the more belligerent he will become !!

Answer 4

Hmm. Here's the deal. She's going to work him over and, sooner or later, he's going to wise up (or else he's just learned that that's how women treat men and is into it).

So, first, stop picking him up on the roadside. If he's a big enough boy to get himself into that kind of trouble, he's a big enough boy to call a cab.

Second, if he's getting thrown out of the bar, but she's not, there's probably a reason. He should think about AA or something of the sort. Alcoholics drink too much. Alcoholics let their lives get out of control because of their drug of choice. You mentioned that he hasn't shown the best choice in friends in the past. He's just continuing that behavior now by choosing new friends who are just as bad, if not worse.

Third, you can't say anything that will change his behavior. You should consider going to Al-Anon (look it up in your phone book). The fact that you think you can fix this; the fact that you pick him up from bars or roadsides after he's gotten himself so drunk as to be kicked out of the bar and/or the car, and mom comes along to make it all better. It sounds to me like he needs to figure out how to be an adult on his own.

Remember: it's not just her. He picked her. He picked his old friends. There's a problem here that just "staying out of the bar" won't fix.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Your 27 365 days previous son is an grownup con guy. the only element you're able to do is to make good the crap your son dumped on the kinfolk and pay off the $26k, then take your son to court docket and sue him for the $26k and decrease his butt unfastened. or you may turn him in for fraud and bilking his grandfather out of $26k. back he's an grownup and is familiar with the version between precise and incorrect. He might desire to be in penal complex.

Answer 6

tell him he deserves better. she obviously still has a lot of growing up to do and he sounds like he's at a place in his life where he wants to settle down. if he has to be with somebody, he should make sure it's someone who is on the same page in life as him, otherwise they are going to keep bumping heads and things will never change. wow, it's usually the other way around...the guy always wanting to party. you sound like you have a good son. just show him you're proud of him. eventually he will realize he deserves better. good luck to you and him.

Answer 7

the girl he is dating is immature needs to grow up... hes 27 and needs a mature relationship... you can only give him advise but he is old enough to make his own decisions... all u can do is listen to him and be there for him...and if hes looking at her friends and girls he use to date.. he must want something more than what that 22 yr old is giving him... give it time im sure he will break it off.. arguments gets old .. it drains you of your happiness... all there is left is time.. then they will break up..

Answer 8

She has shown her priorities by staying with her friends when he gets thrown out.

All you can do is be supportive and give your opinion if he asks.

You could try throwing a few other women at him. :)

Answer 9

This sounds like something he is going to have to learn for himself. I would just say be there for him, offer advice if asked for.

Answer 10

Lose the crazy girl there r to many nice girls looking for nice guys for him to be with a fruit loop