I keep cheating....?

Question

Im in my first year at uni and my bf lives back where i from. We've been together over 2 years now but for a few months it went really bad coz we only get to c each other every 6-8 weeks. When we were really bad i cheated on him with about 3 people and one of them i slept with a couple of times. He is still a mate but it has all stopped between us.

At the time i know i did it coz i really though we were going to officially break up and it was breaking my heart. And when i went back for a few days, he wouldnt have hardly any sex with me and just kept rejecting me. We have now talked through everything and have been getting along so well again and i really want to stay with him but i feel so guilty and dont know what to do. I know the guilt will feel even worse when i c him in the flesh. I have a 2 wk holiday coming up and im dreading it coz i feel s bad....im not going to cheat anymore so do i just put it behind me? I love this man so much but maybe i dont deserve him?

Answer 1

I know how you feel as I've been through somewhat the same situation myself just recently. I cheated on my fiance' and I'm miserable for hurting him. I've let him go even if he chose to stay with me. Yes, he found out and still chose to try to work things out. But once upon a time, when he and I were still just friends...I told him never to settle for less.

So I sent him back home (it was a long-distance relationship) and now we're both trying to move on.

Y'see it's really about what your priorities in life are and what you really want. Whichever you choose...to try to make things work or to walk away...make sure it's what you can live with. Bear in mind that it's not just your life, but his too.

Goodluck!

Answer 2

It's like the military: don't ask, don't tell.

Here's the thing: you cheated when you really thought you were going to be done with the bf. In my mind, there's a bit of logic in that and the perceived lack of loyalty is somewhat reduced since you expected the relationship to be over (better if it was over for sure, but what are you going to do?).

Now if you confess, who benefits? You. You feel better because you got it out of your system (believe me, you do) versus hiding it from him. HE won't feel better, he'll feel betrayed and your fights start up again.

IF you think he won't find out (i.e. he doesn't visit you at school or know the guys, or whatever), I'd keep it to yourself (call it your personal cross for the transgression). If you think he'll find out, then let him know. If he asks you if you saw otehr guys at school, don't lie, just tell him that you thought you were breaking up and you don't want to talk about it.

Finally, get an STD test even if you think you were safe...better to not compound the error by giving this fabulous guy a "special gift."

Good luck!

Answer 3

Are you REALLY not going to cheat anymore??? Or are you just telling yourself that. Long distance relationships are very very hard, and a lot of people (including me) just can't do it. If you REALLY REALLY want to be with him, then try harder this time and try to get over it (neither of you probably will). If you have any doubts, drop him because if you really care, you won't want to hurt him again.

Answer 4

I think maybe you need to figure out why you wanted to spend time and sleep with other guys. If you were really in love with this guy, you wouldn't want to do those things.

Maybe you just need to move on and let him go.

Answer 5

Who's to say he wasn't cheating? Just let it go don't tell him about it. If you say you are not going to do it again DON'T. You do feel guility when you see the person face to face just see it as a mistake ;and promise yourself you won't do it again.

Answer 6

Have you ever heard the song Unfaithful by Rihanna, b/c I think you really need to hear it. I'll try not to judge you though.