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Question

I don't know where to start, but I guess it's mostly that I'm having major coping issues. I recently went to see my dad that hasn't been around for the last 7 years. He was busy being a drug addict. He also has another daughter, she's just a little girl though. He has stopped using, and has a job, so i came around at a good time, as he sells cars, he gets his commission very far apart, and since he's just started, he had no money to begin with. He recently asked me for money, which i gave to him, then he asked me again, i gave, and now he's asked me again ($100 this time a total of $330) he said he can give the 100 by friday. I'm perturbed, because I am in university and don't have much to spare, I'm moving next week, and my mother and stepfather live in NC now. My boyfriend gets so angry that i'm giving money, but i can't say no if it means someone (sister) might be hungry. Aren't you supposed to give if you have more? I would never tell my mom. I don't know how to cope.

Answer 1

I know from experience how you feel. My father did almost the exact same thing, however he was still drinking pretty heavily. Once I finally grew up and realized that by giving him cash, he was wasting it on things other than what he told me he needed it for, I started just getting the things he said he needed (if he said he needed food, I would have him give me a grocery list and buy what I could from it.) If he is recently out of such a horrible lifestyle, he may need help figuring out a budget and how to use money wisely. If he does not like you helping him in that way, he'll need to find other sources, which he will. Be honest with him and tell him he's your dad, your is daughter so you love to be able to help him but you don't want him to ruin your relationship by taking advantage of you. He's your father, he'll either understand or eventually get over it. Mine did, eventually...

Answer 2

You need to concentrate on you're own life and stick with it. Sounds like you're working and taking care of you're needs, that's commendable. Your Dad made his choices long ago , he did not take care of you in the past 7 yrs.,you defiantly don't owe him anything and already did more than should have. He will, continuously come to you for money or other things if you allowe it.
Don't, he's old enough, can ask his Boss for an advance, or some other person, surly he does still know someone.
You go forward with you're plans and B/F, he's right to feel upset and worried. Kiss that money you given, good by and move on.
YOU DO NOT OWE HIM, no matter what anybody tells you. You're Dad ought to be ashamed!

Answer 3

Well, you seem like a very nice person to be helping your father the way that you have. At least you're much nicer about it, than I would be.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear youre father is trying to change his life around, but just be certain that this great new change, isnt at your expense.
Being that youre going to school, I'm sure money is falling from the skies into your pocket, and at any rate, you need to focus on school. Your father, though he may not have acted like it in the past, is an adult. He needs to act like an adult and manage his money better.

My ultimate advice is this. You need to talk to your father and let him know that you obvious care about him, and your half sister; and that you want them to be okay financially - but that you too, have to worry about money.
I mean really, talk to him and let him know that you're not an ATM, and that he should consider asking other people for quick loans.
That being said, has he paid you back yet? If he doesnt pay you back on time - you need to only loan him money with a signed Promisory Note. If he cares about you, and is serious about paying you back, he wont object to signing a simple peice of paper saying so.

If money is really really tight for him right now, remember there are goverment programs out there that can help. Find the number for the local department of socical services and have him give them a call, if he needs to.
Some folks are too proud to get help, but once you get on your feet, you can always cancel the program. At least if he gets some kind of government assistance, you wont have to worry about your half sister being hungry because Dad cant afford food.

BTW, youre boyfriend is probably just mad because he doesnt want to see you throw away your money, or ruin your own finances because of your father.

Well, I hope I've been some kind of help. It's natural to want to help people, especially family. But sometimes family can take advantage of family. Just be certain that no one is taking advantage of your kindness.

Answer 4

you father unfortunately is putting you in a bad position

next time you talk to him you MUST say something like:

Dad I cannot lend you anymore money.You still haven't paid me back from the last time you borrowed money. This is real hard for me . You are supposed to be the adult here and you are putting me on the spot. I want to have a relationship with you ,but no more money ,sorry

that should give him a well needed reality check
If you are concerned about his other daughter go talk to her mom and see what you can do to help like babysit or drop off food but NOTHING to do with cash or Nothing out of your budget
you should definitely not feel guilty
you are doing the right thing and please listen more carefully to your boy friend he had a Good point

Answer 5

Tell your dad you can't. Tell him your strapped right now too, with moving and all. Tell him too that until some of what is owed to you is paid back there is no way you can lend him money. If he needs money for groceries, find out what he needs go get it and take it to him or hook him up with the local food pantry.If you have more you can give, however it also means don't break yourself in the process.

Answer 6

I have a question. Where is your sisters mother? I feel that a father asking his daughter to give him money is not a good thing. I understand that you are worried that your sister might be hungry, but she goes to school. That means she gets breakfast there and lunch. The only thing lacking is snacks and dinner. Would it be possible for you to just actually feed her? For example if you make spaghetti make extra and bring it over. I realize you are moving as well it would be worth the effort to explain that to your dad, if he is reasonable he would understand.

Answer 7

This is a heavy one, but I think that your dad is using you. It sounds like you came around at a bad time. You need to distance yourself until he gets on his feet. Forget about the money and do what you have to do to survive. This is what he is doing, but you aren't the one who should be trying to help him. You only give when you are able to give. You will receive a blessing. Good luck.

Answer 8

Hey!! hats off to U!! u did the right thing--hes ur dad no matter what--but u shd no when to draw the line--u v helped him a few times--next time -he asks for something--shy away or ask him for money if possible--how old is ur lil sister? if u give her money,will she b responsible with it?or cud u like ask some of ur neighbours to give her money if she ever needed it--if ur dad did drugs,who actually Is taking care of this lil girl?

Answer 9

It is so very sad when we learn the harsh lesson that our parents are human, and can take advantage of us. If you don't stop giving him money, he will continue to take from you, to the point of draining you dry. Then you will be forced to bring him to court, because he has no intention of ever paying you back, nor did he when he first approached you. Watch the TV court programs, they are filled with children suing their parents for taking advantage of them. Good luck.

Answer 10

find out what your dad needs the money for, bills food...etc. by him food that way you know where the money is gong. your dad is the adult if you are that worried about them eating can they not get help from welfare? Where is your sisters mother??? stop handing your dad the money tell him that you will help where you can and see where he is spending the money