Since my sister started up a relationship a few months ago my niece seems to have gone off the rail. A freind of mine saw my niece in a passionate embrace with a guy in a local pub. I confronted her and it appears she is dating a 23 year old local villain. I am not happy but have a very close relationship with my neice (more like a big brother than an uncle). Well, I,m ready to sought the guy out. I would appreciate advice from the
older generation as being in my mid twenties and not wishing to upset my sisters new found happyness. I have decided to tackle the guy althogh I am a big softy I'm not so soft when I lose it and am worried because I'm looking forward to meeting the jerk. is there another diplomatic way out.
2007-03-25 08:30:20 · 32 answers · asked by Redmonk 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for your help everyone, this was never going to be easy, I wanted to keep it between me and my neice. I found out who the guy was and confronted him. He made the mistake of telling me where to go, unfortunately I lost it and gave him a slap he will not forget. I am not a violent person but my neice and her honour come first.
My wife and I have made it clear we will inform her mother the police and the rest of the family if she continues the realationship. She tells me he has not toched and still a virgin, I hope she is right.
2007-03-27 04:38:29 · update #1
When i was 19, I went out with a 35 year old, and found that ppl like this are only out for their own pleasure. they go after the younger generation becuase they cannot get anybody their own age and the younger ones are more manipulative. my question to him would be, why is he so immature he has to get with someone nearly 10 years younger than him? No, this is NOT ok. Not only is it illegal, but this guy is up to no good. He definately only wants her as his toy, and as the responsible adult who cares about his neice, you need get between this relationship and help her to see that this man only wants to hurt her, no matter what he has already told her (e.g. "I love you", "I care for you", "I will never make you cry", "I care for you more than you know"). Help her to understand that it's better for ppl to stick with others that are in the same phase in life. And as for the perv, you really need to threaten him away from her. Tell him that if he gets near her again, you will call the police on him. Don't worry about diplomacy, worry about protecting your neice. First warn the guy, then take care of him.
2007-03-25 09:40:23 · answer #1 · answered by JustCallMeTina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are in a very tough spot. I wouldn't just go tackling people out in public. It could leave you in the slammer! As for you neice. How about you sit her down, be very calm and just talk to her like a friend. Voice your concern. Be honest with her. just be a good person about it and maybe she will put some faith in what you have to say. 23 is bad, but really its just cause the 8 years difference is at two different life stages. 20 & 28 would be easier to understand and would be more socially acceptable. unfortunately, we are socially unaccepting of relationships with huge age gaps.
2007-03-25 08:35:48 · answer #2 · answered by BM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister definitely needs to be informed about her daughter's actions. If the start of her new relationship has all her attention on this man rather than her teenager, then something is wrong. If your niece has no guidance from anyone, things will only get worse. Step in as uncle this time, you'll be doing her a favor.
2007-03-25 08:38:03 · answer #3 · answered by fickle™ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
best thing to do first is when you approach him not to go all guns blazing you need to suss the situation out first.
15 is a bit young (under the age of consent) and athough it may be an innocent relationship temptation will always be there, perhaps it might be worth telling the guy this as a way of protecting both of them.
once she has reached 16 then the age gap doesn't really matter as long as they're both happy. as for him being " a villan" is this fact or hearsay? don't judge a book by its cover.
good luck x let us know how you get on.
2007-03-25 08:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by simplelady 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
FIRST I would talk to her about it... see what she think this will profit it her. ask her why she would choose this age over the guys at her school. ask her those types of question andI think rather quickly you'll be able to see what she thinks about him. If it is a continual "It doesn't matter what the age I love him and he loves me and that's all that matters..." then she's being taken advantage of. the guy really doesn't lvoe her and respects her he just knows that she would stick around... and she doesn't know what love is. It's hard not to trust them because they've been so exposed to so many things the best that they know to do is do the same thing... just do everything youcan to stop her. tell her mom... let me know how things work out and if you need anymore help just ask. I hope everything turns out all right.
2007-03-25 08:38:03 · answer #5 · answered by Suya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister's primary job is being a parent. Her new boyfriend is a lower priority. Talk to her about this...she should know and hopefully, if she's any kind of parent, she'll be apalled and not allow it to continue.
Perhaps you both should talk to your neice and explain why the relationship isn't appropriate...and then you can talk to the guy and make sure he knows he's playing around with a minor and (if it's illegal where you live) let him know the law will be involved if it continues...hopefully the guy doesn't realize how young she is and will be repulsed to find out...
2007-03-25 08:34:57 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
15 and In a Pub? I thought you had to be 16
over there to be in a Pub. That needs to be stopped. She can wait another year.
Get together with some other older male relatives
( Uncles, Cousins, Grandfather can sit in )
and tell him to end It, or you will inform the Police.
Tell her the same thing.
2007-03-25 08:51:08 · answer #7 · answered by elliebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you sister started this , i dont think you niece is ready for the mother ? to start dating, or she sees something is this local villian,you cant do anything when you meet him, you just have to keep it all in for your niece as she likes him.what you do is talk to her and tell that 8 years is a huge difference and that she has her whole life to find someone her age that understands her
2007-03-25 08:37:43 · answer #8 · answered by LiL_mZ_Sa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age is just a number.
If they both really love each other let them be.
People are ignorant, and stereo type people.
There is a good chance that this guy could be a good innocent man, and is just really in love.
However this man could be a predator as well.
Just keep and eye on her and talk with the guy ask him questions about him,his life,ect and if you approve he is ''clean'', then let her be .
Don't report the guy if he didnt do anything, like i said watch him...
Not all relationships like this are bad.
2007-03-25 08:42:17 · answer #9 · answered by anotherguy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Simply take him aside and tell him anout the age thing. Give him 24hrs to end it or he's reported. Ask him how he fancy's being on teh sex offendors register for the rest of his life. He will not like that especielly next time he gets banged up. Tell him no mishaps and to get out of dodge or you'll **** the rest of his life.
2007-03-25 08:38:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋