Needless to say, our feelings are very hurt. The issue that is even more painful is that my sister, who is 3 years older than me, was married only 5 months ago and had a total of 6 showers, 2 of which were hosted by our mother. Top that off with the fact that she is also my matron of honor. How should I address this issue? Please help!
2007-03-25 08:03:04 · 11 answers · asked by loulou 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My entire family is very type A; no suprises allowed.
2007-03-25 09:49:43 · update #1
If you don't know about anything, then someone is doing something right! Where I live, showers are supposed to be surprise parties.
Maybe everyone is burned out on them, being as your sister had them within the last year?
If there are none, it will be a shame for you, but not really anything you can do except go off on your mom.
2007-03-25 08:09:59 · answer #1 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
showers are not the right of every bride, they are an event thrown by friends who want to honor a very close friend.
showers also used to be surprises. so perhaps your friends and family are planning something and you don't know.
also, so many people live together now-a-days and they have what they need, perhaps this is the case with you? i have no way of knowing. and shower gifts used to be small items, not the big expensive gadgets now being presented. but that a whole other story and you don't want to get me going on that one!
and last but not least your mother shouldn't be throwing showers for her daughters, nor should your sister be throwing showers for you. etiquette is that family does not host showers. having said that if your mom did throw not one, but two, for your sister and doesn't for you then there are certainly deeper issues at play here.
i'm thinking that your shower is in the works and its a surprise and you really don't know about it! so, stay cool and if by chance nothing happens then a week before the wedding i would just casually mention to mother and sister that you thought there might have been a shower planned. don't mention it prior to that in case one is and then you'll feel silly for bringing it up!
good luck, and please remember, its not about the showers, the gifts, the wedding, or the reception, its not about all these things that we do for 'show', its about the love you and your man share, and the years that you will have together in a happy, loving marriage.
good luck sweetie!
2007-03-25 16:44:30 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ettiquette-wise, it is at the discretion of your friends, family and bridesmaids to decide if they will throw a shower. Brides do not host their own. Although it would seem very odd that your mother has not thrown one since she did for your sister. Is it possible that they have been busy (maybe you have had a shorter engagement than your sister) and one is still in the works? Maybe you could casually ask your mother, how soon before the wedding your sister's shower was. If nothing else, it will give her the hint. I know I am being sickly optomisitc, but maybe its going to be a surprise some time soon? Esp. if you have had a short engagement, perhaps they are busy with all the other aspects of your wedding to have thought about it. Good luck.
2007-03-25 15:12:28 · answer #3 · answered by Nicole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Confront your sister, tell her how you feel hurt. That you expected the time leading up to your wedding to be just as special as hers was for her. Chances are that maybe she didn't even realize that you wanted one so much which is actually stupid because who doesn't want a shower? As for your parents they may be drained of money right now or even emotionally throwing 2 weddings in that short time period. Perhaps they think that his family is going to do something special for you. It seems to me that there is a lack of communication and things need to be set right very quickly or you may not get the wedding that you wanted. When I got married I simply asked my godmother to hold a shower at her house which worked out fine for her because she liked to show off her place to new people and I knew it was the only place where I would be able to get a shower as every one who was in my wedding was either still in high school or living with boyfriends. In the end it turned out pretty well. Just talk things through with your family try to figure out what is going on.
2007-03-25 17:45:57 · answer #4 · answered by vixenangel_ia 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do not be hurt. Your maid of, or some other great friend will invite you somewhere, and when you arrive it will be the best shower yet!
Good friends keep good secrets.
2007-03-25 15:17:55 · answer #5 · answered by The Goat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, Who knows, it might be a surprise and there just not telling you, so don't be to hurt about it right now, I'm sure they'll do something for you guys!!! Congratulations on your wedding!!!
2007-03-25 15:14:31 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i never had anyone give me showers for wedding or babies.
but i did not have hurt feelings either.
you could tell your mom
"i'm feeling hurt because i haven't heard of any showers being planned"
tell her your feelings and just see what she says
DO NOT PRESSURE HER TO GIVE YOU A SHOWER!
don't mention the comparison to your sister.
just tell her your feelings.
you could also tell your best friend how you feel about it
(without pressuring or comparing again)
and see what happens.
but realize that there could be one in the works you don't know about.
also what is stopping you from planning a shower yourself
if you want one?
2007-03-25 15:13:43 · answer #7 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Are you sure it isn't going to be a surprise?!
6 showers seems extremely excessive and pointless. if you have one you should have only one. Anyway you don't HAVE to have one. I certainly am not going to be miffed if no one organizes one for me. A bit of a gift grab to me!
2007-03-25 17:02:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't even mention it, and you should not have "hurt" feelings. Not everyone has showers! For example, if the couple is living together, and already has all the "stuff", there is no need for a shower.
2007-03-25 15:08:25 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Calm down....I think your wedding jitters are getting to you.
They are probably planning a surprise.
2007-03-25 15:26:51 · answer #10 · answered by missie_d_73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋