How do I deal with family members who ask for favors in return?

Question

My husband recently bought me a laptop, but I didn't asked for it. I thanked him for it anyway. It has been three weeks since and not a day go by without him reminding me of his generosity. Therefore, he asks for favors like getting him a glass of water, taking out the trash, finding him the remote, etc... When I refuse, he would say something like, "I bought you an expensive laptop and you can't even get me a glass of water?" What should I do the next time he does it again. Btw, I rarely use the laptop.

Answer 1

Tell him "maybe the laptop can get it for you then" ok that is enough... you have to let him know that you won't be manipulated into doing things just because he buys you stuff, or next time you do something nice for him do the same to hime and use his words, he'll get the point.

Answer 2

In a marriage I don't think one should ever EXPECT to have the other do anything in return for kindness. My husband and I do for each other because we want to. He may have bought this for me in the past and once in a while asked me if I still enjoy it or like it ..... but NEVER has he asked me to do anything for him BECAUSE he bought me the item.

I feel that you and your husband probably have other issues that you need to deal with. Without casting any aspersions ... could it be that neither one of you really WANT to do things for the other?

OR perhaps he's just joking when he begins with "I bought you and expensive laptop and ....". If he is jokingly saying this because he prides himself in having done this for you ... and it bothers you to hear it ... it's definitely time that you sat down with him and had a heart to heart talk.

As for the things you mentioned he asks for ... most of those things shouldn't even be an issue and should be shared chores between the two of you anyway.

I don't know how old the two of you are or how long you've been married .... but I think you both need to take a good, long, hard look at your relationship and perhaps even get some counselling. I wish you much success with your husband and hope you're able to solve this problem.

Remember that marriage isn't a 50/50 percent proposition. It should be 100/100 percent situation. If each of you does for the other to your best and fullest ability just because you want your marriage to work .... you wouldn't be having these problems.

It's not easy to be married to someone ... but over the years, with hard work, lots of understanding, mutual respect and love .... you'll be so happy to have someone who has shared so much of your life with you!

Answer 3

If you're in the kitchen and it isn't out of your way, it might be nice to bring him a glass of water. I would bring it to him with a smile on my face and say something like "Honey, I am thankful for the laptop. Is there something else you'd like to talk about?" It sounds like he's having a problem. I suspect it has nothing to do with the laptop. Perhaps he feels like he needs more attention from you, or maybe he feels insecure about your relationship. Don't let it continue without talking it out with him. People should enjoy doing things for each other - not feel like they're being coerced unnecessarily.

Answer 4

Tell him you didn't ask him to buy it for you. And while you appreciate the gift, that it isn't much of a gift if you're making me pay for it with favors. Stuff like getting a glass of water isn't a big deal though I do that for mine and he didn't buy me anything, maybe I should guilt him into buying me a laptop!

Answer 5

" If your husband is demanding serves like that over a lap top,
look out honey! This is what I would do, " Honey, here is that
expensive Lap Top you bought me"( take it back to where he bought it and give him his money back). Then say next as your leaving the house to go shopping for yourself-" By the way honey could you please mop the floor, clean the bath room and don't worry about washing the clothes today you can do the laundry tomorrow after you get home from work.
and honey keep in mind I take care of all your needs wants and desire's so please have everything done by the time I get Home. Then walk over to him as if your in a hurry to leave and give him a kiss on his fore head!

Answer 6

Some people just love to be thanked over and over again and sounds like you have one of those people. You'll seem like an ingrate if you say anything but gifts shouldn't make you a slave. Maybe you should buy him something to even things up.

Answer 7

I would give the laptop back to him and tell him that money or things can't buy love or favors... say it to him in a calm way, remind him that when giving something to someone special he should not expect anything in return. in this case tell him that the next time he decides to give you something not to expect anything in return because it's not right...

Answer 8

Both of you need counseling in this relationship. There should be an equal give-and-take in a marriage!

His constant quoting of his "generous gift" sounds like a passive-agressive plea. You sound like a selfish ingrate, who won't even get somebody a simple glass of water!

Obviously, I don't know your whole relationship, but from what you have posted, get help, and FAST.

Answer 9

I'd ask him his intention in buying me a gift. Did he spend his time and money to get me a gift he thought I'd enjoy and make me happy? Or did he do it so I would feel obligated to grant him a million favors? He may need to be reminded of his intention behind the gift.

A gift isn't a gift if it comes with strings.

Answer 10

People like that are Control Freaks. The next time he ask you to do something for him ignore him or just simply walk away. Pretty soon he will get the message.