Can Cross Cultural Relationships really work?

Question

I am an Australian girl and have been dating my German boyfriend for 2.5 years. 1.5 years ago I made the decision to move to Europe to be close to him, and I found a University course in English only 2 hours away over the border. So far this arrangement has worked really well, and we've managed to see each other almost every weekend. The problem is that my degree is finishing in September and I've got no idea how we can be in the same place (or even this close) afterwards. He's unwilling to get a job at a non-German speaking company so early in his career, and my German is nowhere near good enough to get a job in Germany. So, I'm looking for jobs in the UK instead (it's still closer than Australia!) But the question is, even if we survive another year of distance, what happens then? Is there any way for this to work in the long run?

OK, just to add: we met in Australia and he extended his stay there to be with me and isn't entirely against moving back but wants to get his career off the ground first. I have also been learning German for about six months now and while it's good enough to have simple conversations with his family its no where near good enough to work! Another problem is that since we're not married, I have no rights to stay in Germany!

Answer 1

Tell your closed minded Kraut to stop being so stubborn. (I can say this because I'm part German and speak the language fluently). I've been to both Germany ans well as Australia and you can tell him that - coming from a fellow German that he should move down under. Life is much better there. Culture has nothing to do with nothing here; he's just stubborn and afraid of the unknown. There could be so many opportunities for him in Australia. He could work for a German company, open a German restaurant..... - or whatever!!! Has he been there? If not, then have him go and check it out.

Edit: Regarding your additional details, he needs to realise that if he has any intention on "getting his career off the ground" then location really is irrelevant. As a German - American, I would love to move to Australia!!!! What is his career?

Answer 2

Ughh, I am in a cross cultural relationship.

Im with a Swiss, who speaks German. And I am from Canada. It took alot of sacrafice on my behalf to make it work.

Now in his defense, he has two kids from a previous relationship. And couldnt leave Switzerland, because he would never see his children. Or else he has said a million times he would be in Canada with me.

I think your boyfriend needs to learn to compermise a little more. He can still have a job in english some where if hes serious about you. It shouldnt be you sacraficing everything.

Now what we are doing right now, is we live together. And I am a house wife, I hate it. I much rather be working. But I dont speak german well enough. I am taking my degree online. As well as I am taking German Courses in a german school here.

We have a plan though. I stay at home and raise the kids, take care of the house while he is making good money. And we save, then in 3 years when the kids are older. (they will be 12 and 16 then) and our son is 4 ready to start school we will move to Canada. It will be hard for the kids, but at the same time they are old enough to travel by themselves. Anyway sorry I am babbling.

What I am saying is, my Career is being put on hold. So that we can be together. If his career is SO important. Can you guys fix that he is the main breadwinner, and you put your career on hold, and take german courses during the week? Their are alot of great german courses you can take. If you want to email me, I can tell you which are the good ones in the area you live in.

And depending where you are in your relationship, maybe you can start your family. So you dont feel like your wasting your life. While he jump starts his career you can learn german and have a family. And then in 4 years you will either decide to move to an english country where you can both work, or your german will be well enough where you can work there.

Cross Cultural Relationships CAN work, it just requires alot of sacrafice, and compermising so that BOTH parties are happy. Its been really hard for us. But we make it work, and we are extremely happy.

Also if you need a job, and want to take one out of your field of university (which I am guessing no) but if you look up Aupair. There are alot of english families in Germany and Switzerland. Who want an english Nanny to take care of your kids. And it is required for them to pay for your language courses. So its not a bad job to make some money and get your language courses taken care of.

Sorry this is really long.

But there are also alot of German companies in Califorina that require native speaking germans who speak fluent english. Most of them are located in LA. Maybe if he looks there, you can have the best of both worlds.

Email me if you any other questions.

Answer 3

I don't know if this will apply to you, some people can make it work, but I think in the long-run, cross-culture relationships are extremely difficult. Even if you speak the same language and live in the same country, if you're from another culture, things can get rather hairy. Your manners are different, your priorities may be different; your food, your clothes, your activities....it's just another world! I have found peace and love with a partner in my own culture and it's wonderful. We grew up the same. Same sort of family. We understand each other and we didn't have to sort out all of that beforehand. I'm saying this from experience with cross-culture relationships. I would suggest you go back to your home and perhaps have a distant relationship for a little while. I don't see any give and take in this as far as he is concrerned. Finding a "homeboy" will make you make a decision. Hope you find the peace you deserve.

Answer 4

Of course itcan work. I fully agree with SvenB. One of the beauties of Australia is the fact that there are so many cultures - all living together and getting along great. Not like America, a country full of bigots and racists. Australia is truly wonderful. Your Germanis very narrow minded.

Answer 5

it rather is going to open your eyes to what others outdoors your custom have confidence, journey, and relate to a minimum of one yet another. yet think of long and not undemanding previously embarking on that variety of relationship. they seem to be a lot harder because of this sort of excellent variety of cultural ameliorations. issues like discipline, beginning administration, who will or won't paintings, how many childrens ya'll will or won't have, the thank you to discipline and elevate those childrens, how a lot say will your be certain's have. are you able to the two face up on your mum and dad and tell them to butt out? What your perspectives on marriage and monogamy are. in case you the two care sufficient approximately one yet another to combat for the relationship, even while its not undemanding. If issues arose, might councelling be an selection? What religions are you the two, and the way might the youngsters be raised in those religions? Whew...and the record in basic terms is going on. I married a guy of an identical faith, yet in a diverse religious adulthood than me. Even in basic terms that one distinction has led to us alot of subject concerns! Having a companion that has a very diverse existence journey than your self could be very confusing. Alot of paintings. yet that being stated, it may paintings. you in basic terms desire a plan which you the two conform to previously marriage or little ones enter the photograph.

Answer 6

Work on your german in yor spare time.If you arent willing to learn it and your going to be married to a german you are going to NEED IT.Also what if he refuses to leave germany and you have to live there?The fact that you havent learned it fluently tells me you arent willing to give this relationship your all and the fact he isnt willing to learn english well enough to work for a non german speaking company tells me he isnt willing to sacrafice either.The only thin either of you have been willing to sacrafice for is to be near one another "PHYSICALLY".Think about it.

Answer 7

It's possible. Anything's possible. But statistics are against you.