Found teenage daughters ciggarettes?

Question

i opened a book infront of the whole family for my niece which has a compartment in it and found ciggarettes which belong to my daughter who is 16 nearly 17. All of the family smoke and cannabis too. We do so do her cosins and aunty and uncle brother and sisters bfriend. What is the best thing to do do i have any right to disipline? Whos fault is is?

my daughter also lies and is not a nice person.

Answer 1

it look like she learned from you example

Answer 2

No 1, if most of your family smokes this is condoning her to smoke..
There is no point in completely banning her from smoking, as she will only be tempted to do it outside of your sight or knowing. The best that you can do is to tell her that you do not wish her to smoke in the house or certain rooms - or when certain members of the family are around... But you can't stop her as this will only cause tension in the household, and make her battle against what you say anyway.
Tell her DIPLOMATICALLY that you know she smokes and your aren't happy with it but you are going to allowing her to do so, as she IS 16, it is legal, and you shouldn't run around with an iron rod when she is that age.
I would understand if she was 14 or 15, but as she is no longer a child there is very little control that you are able to have. It is very wrong of you to believe that only your 16 yr old daughter who is old enough to smoke, has to be refused this right when she has learnt by example that her family takes drugs and smokes.
You really need to think hard of your tactics for going around this.
Or another option keep your nose out of your daughters business, she is nearly 17. If you smoke as well as the rest of your family than you are the biggest bunch of hypocrites there is.
Just take a step back from parenting for a while and try and be a friend to your daughter instead... If she is rebellious it is probably because you put her down by saying 'she lies all the time and isnt a very nice person'... How would you like me to say that to you? What would your self-esteem be like?
Have some faith in your daughter, she is making the step from adolescence to adulthood; how about help her with this transition instead of clinging on to the memory of her as your little girl.
Think about this rigorously, and maybe consider that you are singling her out? think about it

Answer 3

It runs in the family, if you smoke you know you can not make a person stop, it is a hard addiction some never shake. To stop smoking needs the individuals utmost effort, you can not get you daughter or anyone else to stop smoking. You'd be a huge hypocrite and will loose any respect from your daughter if you get on her case about it. Face it your daughter joined the families traditional pastime. Your daughter may well be a smoker for life, she is not a child but a young woman treat her as one and open the channels for two way communication that may last for years to come.

Answer 4

I would leave leaflets lying around explaining the effects smoking has on the body. Also check out the NHS stop smoking web site . When you see how much money could be saved by not smoking it's scary. I gave up 3 weeks ago after my uncle died from smoking retated diseases. My doctors surgery holds a no smoking clinic, and for the first 4 weeks you can get patches or Zyban on prescription. I would suggest you all try and support each other. The benefits speak for them selves. Good luck

Answer 5

Hi, 9 times out of 10 if everyone smokes around her she is going to smoke, I dont know how it come of such a shock. I bet if none of you smkoed then she wouldnt need to feel she has to. As she is 16 there is nothing you can do, and even if you tell her all the consequences of smoking she wont listen as if you do it then she thinks its fine to. There is no stopping her. As she is already doing it. Just ask her about it then see what happends. You can tell her all the danger it causes and does she really want to be cough every morning and stink all of her life. she probablly will say yes like most smokers and you will probably get a gob full if you ask her to quit like to get off most smokers so, Just leave her to get on with it.
All you can do is tell her mum and or you ask her, do you think her mum will sort her out if she wont then you will have to especially if you are worried for her. And whose fault is this. It depends if she is hanging aroud with the wrong people is usually why.

Answer 6

That's worrying when you say that your own daughter isn't a nice person. There's obviously underlying problems that i think you have to sort out. As far as the smoking is concerned - if you all do it then she's learnt from you and your family. I don't think you have any right to discipline her because of her age - it is legal to smoke (i take it you're in the UK?). You really can't blame her smoking if she's grown up with it all around her and seen it on a regular basis.

Answer 7

Firstly I too am a smoker......would love not to be. I think if all the family smokes it can work one of two ways either the child hates it with a vengence and no way wants to start smoking as was the case of my two or they feel it is the normal rite of passage and do smoke. Maybe the nicotine receptors are stirred in the brain and the addictive element of personality is there. As to condeming etc..... don't think you can really . BUT you can perhaps say if you had your time again you would never have started and point out the facts of finance and health to her. The skin thing and the breath thing if she is starting to date her hair....all will be less generally. nice as in an adult to adult conversation.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I am also a smoker but i would hate my son to smoke.
Now you know she smokes you are going to have to let her carry on,you cant stop her as she will do it anyway.
My brother got caught smoking at the same age,so my mum threw him a *** in front of everyone he lit it up and smoked 1/2 of it.....he never smoked again.
Maybe your daughter is not a very nice person because she has been smoking for a while,i mean if she craves a *** and she cant have one in front of you she will get very angry and start shouting. Is that what is causing her to be like this,i get stressed if i aint got none.
Anyway its up to you how you deal with it,but the very best of luck to you.
Oh and by the way i know some kids who smoked even when their parents didn't so its not just our fault!!

Answer 9

this is what happens when u dont rais ur kids right... and lead by bad example..... beat her.. my parents beat me like a .... some one in jail... and now when sum 1 offers me pot or sumthin "fuc u! do i look like i want my dads foot up my ***!" so beat ur kids mine beat me and im a better person for it...
aucually no i just choose not to cas i do........ and there were mild beatings....but 2 answer ur later question... shes not bein a bad student... ur bein a bad teacher.... her whole family smokes, and her friends do to (of coarse they do.... prabably do more than just ciggaretts) and if shes 2 weak 2 take a stand.....dam welll.... whos fault is that?... well everyones anyways.... u also said shes a lair and a "bad person" again.. at that age... shes retarted....just a fact.... teenagers are dumb.... im 1... thats 1of the 2 things i do know... ask me sumthin "i dono" ask me if guys are jerks "yea." and me if teanagers are stupid "hells yea!".... but scince those are the only 2 things i know.. i cant help u.. sry 4 wastin ur time pointin fingers......but ey look at it this way... shell either end up becoming a better person and look back at this as aphase or sumthin or get worse and end up dead sumwhere... :D

Answer 10

She has seen sounds like everyone in your family doing it so she learned it and doesn't see anything wrong with it. Better off letting her smoke in front of you but tell her you aint buying em she has to do that on her own. And she aint 18 yet so someone has to be buying them. And keep your cigarettes near you at all times so she can't get yours. But I would rather have my daughter smoke in front of me than behind my back and take a chance of the house catching on fire. But put your foot down with some rules and her smoking.

Answer 11

if she is addicted already, you are fighting a losing battle to make her stop. i would still prohibit smoking in the house as it will restrict the amount she smokes.
also, you really should stop all this smoking in front of her, and cannabis? come on now, you know that's not right. as for her being not nice, of course not. she is 16. we were all horrible at that age. be a bit more supportive and understanding.