I dont know what to do to stop myself feeling so empty and dead inside!?

Question

So.. i have been trying to mend my so called broken heart by getting very drunk lately.. seeing more friends.. spilling my heart to them and letting myself "enjoy" partying and being free and single.
BUT
all these new guys and getting drunk and parties make me realise just how much i need to be with my ex and how much he made my life meaningful and how he has changed me.
last night after another night of "fun" i was talking to this cute guy and he kissed me but all i could think of is how much i wish my ex was with me here instead of this.. how mush more every kiss meant and how now everything means nothing without him!
how could he just throw away our love and relationship for that 5 min buzz you get from being with other girls or the ego boost.
He knows and everyone does that he is using them and its meaningless.. to him.
and to me.. sitting here im lost i dont know who i am anymore.. im not myself.. no hes gone so many questions unanswered.
i feel so empty and dead inside.

Answer 1

I know how you feel, but I have learned what when you base your entire life, you existance and world around another human being to fullfill your self worth (self esteem) then you are in trouble.They can never be your everything, they dont want to be either, thats too much to ask of another human being.First it'd help if you get in church(i like the united pentecostals) and work on yourself, look at your good point and bad ones and work on the bad ones.You will also meet good people who arent getting drunk and best of all, if you obey the gospel (acts 2:38) and get filled with the SPIRIT of GOD, youll find alcohol cant touch it neither can partying.You wont find anything but emptiness and misery in the party life style.If you dont believe me, name 20 married couples who have been married to the same person 40 yrs and party and are happy all the time.You need to be happy with yourself before anyone else can be happy with you.

Answer 2

Jase, it is ok if i call you that? You are going through a really hard time right now in your life, and it seems to me that you don't have alot of confidence in yourself and that you suffer with alot of insecurities. If i can be really honest with you i would say that my brother who is 24 had the very same problems as you do now, so you are not alone in the world. He had no confidence in himself whatsoever and i could never understand it, he was attractive, he had a great personality, and a great job as a Detective Constable for the Metropolitan Police so i couldn't understand for the life of me why he felt so insecure around women. I will tell you the same thing that i told him, life as we know it is too short to be insecure, just because you haven't been with a woman or never had a g/f is not the end of the world. There is somebody out there for everybody it may not happen today, nor next month but it will happen. No one can predict the future, you could walk down the street tomorrow and bump into that someone so don't be a fool (and i say that in the nicest way), don't turn to drugs and alcohol as it will screw you up and then you won't ever have a chance of meeting that special someone because you will be too far gone for anyone to save you, even your'e christian friend.

Answer 3

I do a similar thing when things go wrong in my life and I give this advice to my friends as well cos i KNOW it works... I don't care what all the narrow minded people who judge us for getting drunk say, the facts are 'TIME IS A HEALER' you can 'put-off' time by getting drunk for a while that's fine, and don't let anyone make you feel bad for that, and when the initial shock of breaking up has gone you can deal with it a lot easier.

The thing you are doing wrong is acting like a sl*t when you AREN'T one. That's how you lose yourself and get confused about who you are. You obviously still love this guy, and when you really love someone you actually dont wanna be with anyone else. So, keep getting drunk till you've had enough, but lay off the men. Do what you can't do when you've got a man tying you down... see your friends...all the time, just do what you want, at any hour and be glad you don't have to ask someones permission or worry about if it will upset them or not. If you see him about act like you don't care and that you are happy and having a good time without him.... but remember you actually will be! (having a good time.)

You aren't doing anything wrong except not being true to who you are. Forget men for a while, we're young and should be having a stress free good time with no one dragging us down. Good luck lady on your quest for true happiness... and if you really do wanna meet a man (if you can't/don't want ya ex back) go and work somewhere like Malia in Crete where there's 20,000 young single people every summer, get a job and hang with 10000 blokes you've never met before, the odds are on ya side that you'll meet someone perfect for ya... Y'all also discover who you really are cos yo'll be away from all the influences you've grown up with and into and you won't have any more of these 'who am i' worries. Trust me it worked for me and my life's all good. Latas, mail me if ya wanna...

Also a real good tip to move on from ya ex is to try and understand why he did it (even if the excuse was that he was young and wasn't really ready for commitmnet) and forgive him in your own head... cos biterness is the one thing that stops us ladies from moving on... once i did that i moved on with my life and was free from the horrible relationship i was in... and a year n half later he wanted me back, he apologised for everything which was amazing, but as it goes i've been having so much fun on my own i'm not ready for that now, so i continue on my mission of self discovery, happiness and having a good time, meeting inspiring people from all over the world.... haha, it's true though!

Answer 4

You might want to read a book or two on codependency. You really don't "need" the guy to be yourself.
I imagine many others feel just as empty by having "fun" by getting drunk and meeting new people like you describe.
He didn't have anything to throw away and knew it. You was being used and should be thanking God you didn't end up married to someone like this.
It's time to put the guy out of your mind and move on. Stop thinking about him,, stop talking about him. Stop getting drunk to get away from your thoughts and feelings. Start liking yourself more.

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. "
Buddha

Answer 5

The thing is... you were in love with him... still in love with him and sometimes you just have to LET GO and like you said hang with friends and have some good times. Letting him go will be hard, but you will... I mean it's not like forgeting everything you can still have the happy times, but if he threw your relationship out over a couple of new girls and so on... you deserve better. Just think with that attitude and you wont feel so dead inside as just constantly keeping him in your life because if you do that you wont have a successful relationship. Good luck...

Answer 6

It's normal to be sad after a breakup, give yourself time to get over the loss. Until you give yourself the space and permission to get over him, all the new guys and parties and alcohol in the world won't help. You are an amazing, wonderful person all on your own. you really don't need anyone else to complete you. It's wonderful to be in love and have someone there for you, but they shouldn't be everything to you. If they are, you are missing out on appreciating who you are.

Give yourself time....it sounds like a serious relationship, and you don't get over those in a day. Can you talk to someone objective about how you are feeling? If you are hurting this much, a counselor could really help you look at the situation in new ways and explore what you need and want.

Answer 7

slow down and do it right, don't go off getting drunk it's a depresant for one and you can't be doing this every night this will lead to alcholism and that will only add more fule to the fire.
Stand up deal with your problems now before you make it worse. If you truley loved this man do you think he would want you to be a mess or happy? New found freedom is shity when you don't have the one you love.

Answer 8

I know. It sucks. Maybe you need some alone time to reflect, sort out your feelings, decide what truly makes YOU happy, try to take responsibility for your part in the failed relationship (it takes two) and find what lesson you learned from it and come to a center, a peace within yourself.
I understand you miss him but maybe you miss who YOU were when you were with him? My ex husband is trying to get us back together. I have come to the conclusion that he doesn't miss ME he misses who he was (the life) when we were married. I am content with myself and he just isn't there yet. He does what you do..party, has random sex (not saying you do this) looking for something or someone to complete him. He needs to understand that HE has to complete him.
I hope you find your center, your peace within yourself. :)

Answer 9

well u can't force him to come back to u,,,,just let free and for sure if he is still loving u inside his heart dont worry,,,if ur both meant for each other,,,time will let u be with each other.... yeah u have to have some fun but not too much remember having so much fun and drunk too much will only damage u,,,and he might think that ur celebrating ur break up...think of it....just try to be strong and dont feel empty and dead coz ur not,,,,be happy as life is too short to feel it being miserable.. life goes on my friend,,,,and God is with you and all of us,,, just giving us such trials to prove our faith to HIM......God Bless

Answer 10

ahhh same here. he was a part of you and now hes gone and youre left feeling like nothing. yea, ive been there. im trying to figure out what to do next. i cant get over him either, so im trying to earn him back. do something that would make him like "woah". make him realize how much you need eachother. i dont know what, but you can figure it out. good luck hun =)