Eight years ago I agreed to be the godmother for my friend's only child and it's on the paper. I don't like the way my friend raise her daughter and the kid turned to be a brat, hyper, sometime sweet, but most of the time out of control.
Within the years my friend has two other kids and few months ago out of curiosity I was asking her who are their godparents. She said that siblings should not be separated after the parents death. Means, I'll be the one who take care all of them in case anything happen to the parents.
Fact is, I don't want to. All her children are hyper and out of control. I couldn't stand being around them more than two hours or I'm going nuts! We have spent holiday together abroad and I could tell how difficult they are. I can handle one, maybe, but not three ill mannered kids. I'd like to waive my rights and tell my friend she should ask someone else who are capable? I know I'm not. What should I do now?
2007-03-25 04:16:17 · 15 answers · asked by Speck Schnuck 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I'm hoping nothing ever gonna happen to my friend and her spouse! But I have been thinking "what if" and I don't want to give anyone promises I can't keep.
2007-03-25 04:17:52 · update #1
It's ON THE PAPER (WRITTEN) that I agree to take custody of (back then the only) child if anything happen to the parents.
2007-03-25 04:26:08 · update #2
Maybe I didn't explain this correctly, my friend and spouse put me in their will to take care of the daughter. So, it's not 'just paper'. It's official and done with a lawyer when I signed it.
2007-03-25 04:39:29 · update #3
You're under no obligation to take care of any but the first child. Unless the paper you signed specifically said that you would also take care of any future siblings, which is very unlikely.
In any case, you certainly should tell your friend how you feel. It's not fair to her to allow her to assume that you'll do more than you intend to. Your friend should make arrangements for the other children, and she's not going to unless you tell her that you won't do it.
2007-03-25 05:53:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are legally obligated to take care of these children just because your friend put it on paper. I have been in contact with my attorney to try to get something done legally which would name a guardian in the event of my death because I don't want my daughter to be returned to her abusive father if I die. It will take quite a lot of legal footwork to make this happen, so I can't imagine that your friend putting it on paper that you are the godmother is something that can be legally enforced.
That said, I once asked my grown niece to be my children's godmother because I thought she would be a suitable choice. She declined, saying that she had already been asked by 2 other people and in fairness, she could not commit to too many individuals. In retrospect, I'm glad she said no because we have all changed through the years and I would now choose someone different. You could tell your friend that while you were initially happy to be her child's godmother, you no longer feel that you would be a suitable choice as a godparent because of how you have changed through the years and you doubt you would have the adequate skills and demeanor to care for someone's children other than your own. This does not insult her parenting, nor does it insult you. It merely implies that you feel you could not adequately be up to the task of raising her children or anyone else's for that matter. Best wishes in this situation. I know it's a difficult one. I for one would not want to raise those kids either, with the way you are describing them. I think I'd go nuts.
2007-03-25 11:26:13 · answer #2 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Of course, you may be legally bound to take care of your one godchild. Wills can be changed and if you aren't godparent to the other two this doesn't mean you have to take in all three. Now, as a godparent, you have implicit input into their instruction(this means tending to their spiritual and moral welfare)and you can, by right, advise your friend on these matters. If you bring up your concerns in a kind way and tactfully this should not be a problem. If she gets mad you might suggest she and her and her husband chose one of her, or his, siblings to take this role. Of course, what you do is also going to depend on what relationship you want to maintain with her. This is going to take a little soul searching, and thought on your part. Pray about this long and hard. I'm sure if you're asking this question you'll do the right thing, and good luck.
2007-03-25 12:53:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are under no obligation to take all the children. If I were you I would talk with your friend about it. Tell her that the situation changed and you want to be taken out of her will as the child's guardian.Nobody can force you to do so. Your friends assumption that you will take three kids is plain stupid, even if they were angels.
There's a good chance that your friendship will go down the drain but you don't seem like you are going to miss it. You are not morally obligated. Things change, life changes and we react to the changes.
2007-03-25 13:58:18 · answer #4 · answered by woman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a godmother does not mean that you get the kids if something happens to the parents. Godparents purpose is to insure that children are brought up in the desired religion. The custody stuff are completely different legal issues.
You do not have to worry!
2007-03-25 11:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by Nanneke 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell your friend you are concerned about your ability to raise her children should anything happen. Tell her you feel the children would be better off under someone esles care and that you hope she understands you are just concerned for the wellfare of her children. Perhaps she could change it to a grandparent, or aunt or uncle? good luck I hope it works out.
2007-03-25 15:09:46 · answer #6 · answered by aly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my children were babies i elected and spoke to and agreed with a set of parents that we know very well that would became legal guardians of our children if any thing had to happen to both my husband and I. This set of parents were not the god parents of my children.Now that my children are older and of age these same legal guardians are the executors of our last will and testaments.
2007-03-25 11:29:06 · answer #7 · answered by chersgaz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to ask your friend to change their will and put someone else in charge of their children. Just tell her that you don't think you could take the responsibility of 3 children, and you think someone else would be better suited for the job.
2007-03-25 12:02:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it's not immoral...it's honest and I applaud you. If the Godparents to my children felt that they couldn't handle the responsibility I would hope they would come to me openly and just tell me. Good luck.
2007-03-25 13:33:39 · answer #9 · answered by AKA D2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to do anything - its just a title - unless you want to use it as an excuse to tell your friend what a crappy bunch of kids she has - - which is what you will be doing, and you will surely lose the friend.. up to you - sounds like it might be worth it..
2007-03-25 11:27:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋