What's the funniest joke ever?

Answer 1

Pranks on April Fools...
I once drove another co-workers car to the next parking lot... she totally freaked after work thinking it was stolen.

I add a few drops of food coloring to my friend's food. It's harmless April Fool's joke but the results are pretty colorful when she noticed her chicken was red.


other funny pranks that i've heard...

April Fools' Day - Spare Change
This April Fool's practical joke is old but it still works. Superglue some coins to the sidewalk or any spot that has a lot of people walking around. Make sure it's an appropriate place, then watch people break fingernails to get the coins.

Grab a bunch of alarm clocks, set them to alarm at very early times in the morning and hide them all around different places at your victims room!

Get a balloon and put it on the tailpipe of a car. (Make sure the car isn't already on!) Then get in it and have your parents/ friend start it up and it will pop. It will sound like the tire popped.
http://www.kidzworld.com/article/1939-ap...

First you put Saran Wrap or any other clear plastic wrap over the toilet, between the bowl and the seat. Do this at night so it is harder to see. Then when someone goes to the bathroom, SURPRISE! Oh, and a scream. I don't recommend this because I got grounded for 3 months when I tried it. It's funny, and messy, so if you don't take my advice and do it anyway, be ready to clean up the mess! EWW!!!

Answer 2

Ok that is my favorite however it is beautiful dangerous :) Q. What's orange and appears like a parrot? A. A carrot :) hehe Q. What to the virtual clock say to the grandfather clock? A. Look grandad no arms :) Q. What's brown and sticky? A. A stick :) Q. Why are pirates known as pirates? A. Because they aaarrreee Q. What's gray and has a trunk? A. A mouse happening vacation Q. What's brown and has a trunk? A. A mouse getting back from vacation :) :) Hope you no less than smiled :)

Answer 3

A)Three guys took off a weekend to go skiing. They got to the lodge a little late, and only one room with one bed was available.

They took it and all three slept on the bed. Around midnight the guy on the right got up and said "Hey man I had a dream
that some one was jerking me off, and it was so real !!!"

The guy on the left said "Wow I had exact dream and felt so real !!!" Then they turned to the guy in the middle and asked if he had the same dream?
He said "No none of that, I was dreaming that I am skiing!!?"

B) One guy asked his fried "What time is it?"
He looked at the clock on the wall, and said well "It's eight er 6:15 or Micky Mouse got a hard on!!?"

Answer 4

In a poll of over 10,000 jokes, this one was rated as the funniest:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World's_funniest_joke

Answer 5

1-Yo momma so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund!

2-Old Lady Makes Bet
A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

Answer 6

Psychiatrist sees a man with saran wrap for pants and says I can clearly see your nuts.

Answer 7

What do you call a man that is smiling and has pubic hair in his teeth?




Gladiator
(glad-he-ate-her)

So it's not the funniest but it is a funny one.

Answer 8

a guy is around at his friends house, his friend happens to be in a wheelchair. the wheel chair bound man asks his friend to go upstairs and get his slippers because his feet are cold.
the friend goes upstairs and finds the mans 2 sexy daughters.
" Hi girls" he says" you dad just sent me up here to have sex with you" . " I don't believe you" says the eldest daughter. The guy says " I'll prove it" and yells out to his friend " Both of them?" he replies " Yes of course both of them!"

Answer 9

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?



Bison
Bye son.

Answer 10

I wish I could repeat it, but it is so funny that you WILL DIE LAUGHING, and I just can't have that on my conscious.