eye contact?

Question

i can't make eye contact with anyone and i don't know why, i just think it's a bit uncomfortable.
what do you think this says about me?

Answer 1

Being unable to make eye contact with someone usually means you are insencere about something or have low self esteem.
It makes the other person a bit nervous.

Answer 2

You're just a little shy..a person's eyes tell a lot about them, sometimes it makes people feel valuable...I have the same problem sometimes..try to work on it, because in the long run when you're you're meeting new people, or you're on a job interview you're gonna want to be able to make good eye contact.

Answer 3

i've always been told that eye contact is extremely important. you probably can't look people in the eye because you're not confident in yourself. don't worry though, if you can learn to do this, your self confidence will increase. try practicing on your closest friends. just when you're having a conversation, look at their eyes. it's not hard, and it will at least make it look like you know what your doing. and don't have low self esteem! people will think you're amazing if you just act like yourself! good luck!

Answer 4

making eye contact is difficult for some, it's taken as a sign of dominance in some cases...

work at it, will take some effort but you will notice a difference in the way people respond to you...

i have the same problem sometimes..

Answer 5

you need to fix it cause it's rude to most people it makes it seem like youre not interested in what they have to say. practice by walking down the street and looking each person in the eyes. this will make you better at looking at people you know. just remember you dont know the person and youre only looking at them for a second or two. good luck

Answer 6

Your just really nervous and modest. Do you feel like your going to make a fool of yourself if you look at them? Then you are definately shy. This doesn't make you a bad person at all. After all, humans are shy at one point in their life.

Answer 7

you are shy to make eye contact, there are millions of other people the same way

Answer 8

I think it makes you look shy and uncomfotable. Maybe you're not comfortable with yourself. My only advice is you have to TRY your hardest. When you walk, keep your chin up. that Shows confidence. Try to look someone in the eyes the longest you can.
It shows your comfortable around them :)
Good luck

Answer 9

Well, it could mean several things, but there are solutions.

First, to make you feel less bad about it, lets consider some truths you may not be aware of.

Did you know that social experiments have been done that show that the longer a man and a woman look into each others eyes, the closer the bond they feel to each other, the more the man starts to think the woman is attractive, and the more forgiving of her mistakes he is likely to be? (No guarantees, but this was the usual described result, improved impression of the other person whose eyes they were looking into).

So perhaps your shyness is wisdom, as you do not wish to create many bonds and then have to break or disappoint them and are just waiting until the right comfortable moment -- hmm?

You might consider that the above experiment was, in a small way, the building of trust. It's easy for a gaze to be rejected, but if you are critically accepted, then you feel a certain thanks and comraderie. Sounds similar to shared experiences leading to friendship, doesn't it?

Did you know that men are less likely to return a steady gaze than women are in most situations? This is because to men a long stare by another man is often the prelude to a challenge, a threat, or being studied for weakness and hunted. It's pretty much instinct to a man to watch for being watched for weakness. Men are also less naturally trusting of outsiders. They can overcome this for the purpose of business, creating professional contacts, and making their presence known, but all of those have functional security reasons as well.

Woman, in comparision, have a greater tendency to create social contact, so eye contact is taken as less threatening because it is a way of increasing social bonding. But that doesn't mean they can't be shy.

Consider something else. Many men, if not the majority, find women that cannot meet their gaze seductive. It often is associated with a certain embarrassment, in the young lady, feigned or otherwise, that comes from a certain growing recognition of her slowly recognizing her interest in romance, feelings of her wish to be attractive, and youthful inexperience. All of that can be attractive to certain men, some good, some bad.

I could go on, but lets get into some attitudes that can be a solution.

A genuine interest in others is always useful. As long as you are watching or thinking about them, you aren't thinking about yourself, and it is that self-consciousness which makes you tend to look away. Your concern should be in learning about them, not about worrying what they think of you. Observing and learning from others is always beneficial and it makes you look interested, it also prepares you. You'll enjoy new things and people, see the dangers earlier, and learn by observing in the interim. It's good offense, good defense, and self-coaching all wrapped up in one. It also improves with practice.

It is not necessary to gaze long. Usually 2-4 seconds at a time is sufficient, unless you are trying to read emotion, truthfulness, or have a closer relationship. Practice by either making a game of it, like keeping a count of the color of eyes you meet in a day and trying to remember the color of eyes matching which name at the end of the day (thus practicing in your mind's eye when they aren't really there, additional practice that is a bit less embarrassing).

Did you know that the iris, the blue, green, hazel, brown band around the pupil, is actually unique for each person? If you look deeply into it close enough, it's like a wonderful colored marble with many canyons and variegations, it is like a fingerprint. You'll never know that if you don't look.

Sometimes we are too concerned about self, we wonder what others might think by our gaze, romantically or critically. The key is to simply be interested in all that goes on around you, to see it as a way of being open, friendly, and sincere, yet also informed, prepared, and observant. This is part of the scientific method and so is perfectly rational. It is also part of being involved, caring, passionate, outgoing, and friendly. Not many approaches are so universally useful and positively acclaimed.

So, remember that seeming shy can lead to others watching for you to awaken and garner attention. So that being shy, although often beneficial, doesn't achieve it's objective of avoiding constant attention. Some people will want to bring you out, others will think you just don't like them or are a snob. Some will just think you more cute and give you more attention. Being shy is not a real negative, but it doesn't achieve that goal of stealth.

Introspection is always useful, but there is plenty of time to be introverted when by oneself. Looking outward makes you feel part of the world, it's like being a news reporter, a scientist, an explorer. You are naturally curiious, every sound and smell will make you wonder, why not every vision as well, every person, every face.

Think of it in a mercenary manner. It will benefit you NO MATTER what others think. In fact this way you'll KNOW what they think. You'll better be able to match faces with words and actions and find that harmony that is truthfulness in some, and strange inconsistency that is the cacophony of those less worth knowing. You'll know and therefore you'll be able to make friends with those you should, avoid those you suspect, and garner feedback always updating those opinions and conclusions as you continue to watch. Your first impressions may have been wrong or right, but by looking out upon the world you'll be able to update those opinions and get better at it.

Finally I'll try and remember a nice phrase from the remake movie called "Sabrina" with Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond (it has the better dialog and script than the original):

" You seem ashamed of being alone. Remember, it's only a place to start."

And what a wonderful universal place to begin, as a curious, caring, and loving soul in the vicinity of another.

If I were a camera, I'd have no soul. If I were a film, I'd have no hope. But as a human I am camera and film, and the love that goes into both of them.

A falling star blazing the night-sky, never seen, lost to forever, unregarded, uncherished, unknown. Where is the scout, the poet, the navigator who looks -- where is the purpose -- in vain and in vanity to perish. Let it not be so. In every thing created there is purpose -- make it so, my friend, do not let all of creation down. It's depending on you.

I wish you well.

Answer 10

It says a lot about you. I guess you do not want contact of any kind.