health problems - may not be at all?

Question

My wife has had health problems since the beginning of our marraige , I am pretty sure that there may be problems present that are real , she takes many tablets , and goes to the doctors probably once twice or more a week , and I cant afford it anymore , it is now affecting out marriage , as I am concerned about the validity of the problems present, and if they are realyy problems , I did talk to one her doctors once about my concerns about it , and I suggested that she was a "hypocondriac" , which they declined to agree on , but instead , it is more of a doctor , and patient condition for attention , which in effect domino effects throughout her close knit family , so when her sister goes into hosptial for simalar reasons, the her family stand around feeling sorry for themselves , on seemingly simple non-destructive health conditions.
for me this has caused a distrust in the relationship , as I dont know what to believe , or what is actually a real problem.

she has been to every doctor in every surgery , and they basically diagnose tablets which do not really do anything , and I look at it more as liabilty , if you go to a doctor , and they dont check , then they are liable for not checking if there is a problem. I almost gaurantee everytime she goes to be checked , that there will not be anything come of it , but now there is a possibilty that there could be elective surgery to remove things (hysterectomy) , which will bring on the onset of menapause she is mid 20's and I feel that the onset of pre menapause will make her health situation more unbearable for all involved

you cant get any assistance for it if it is a mental illness in australia , unless the person with the problem relises that it is a problem. so this is a dead end.
pain management has been suggested , but she doesnt want to even try it , I think she is faking it , but I am scared that the time I say she is faking it , will probably be the time the realyy is a problem.. what do I do , has anyone ever heard or been in the situation, and seen any progression to a less destructive health professional addiction situation?

seriously , I have tried everything to understand , and help , I went to doctors with her for many years believing that there was a problem, but now 7 years after , it is looking a bit more of plain bullshit.

Answer 1

You have a real problem on your hands. The doctors may not call it hypochodria but it is psychosomatic in nature. This means real but brought on by thinking about it.

I feel bad for you. I could go on and on about what you should do, but gosh, I don't live in Australia and I am not you. But I can tell you what I would do if I was in your shoes.

I married a wack job 4 years ago. I thought it was manageable at first. I tried to help, get doctors to help, therapists, everything. Then I realized it isn't going to change. I didn't have kids. I hope you don't. But either way, I walked out of it. I put as much effort as I could and then I said (after he denied a problem over and over again, and then said I was the problem) good bye.

I do not recommend giving up on marriage often, but gosh, you don't describe a marriage as much as a person who is mentally ill and obsessed with her health. It could be an anxiety disorder and to have the doctors say it isn't a problem is going to make you doubt your sanity.

Why subject yourself to this crappy situation? Life is short and from what you describe it doesn't sound fun at all. Wouldn't it be great if pills did fix everything? In your case it is making it worse.

So step out of the situation. Look at it from an outsiders view. Would you tell someone to go to a doctor and feed into your wife's obsession or would you say put your foot down....and say you get help or I am out of here.

The answer is obvious for me...but of course I have lived it and I know what it is like to be away from the misery you are now experiencing. Good luck buddy. I know you are miserable. The decision will come. There is marriage for better or worse....but marriage isn't about ruining the rest of your life for someone who won't be accountable for their insane illnesses.

Answer 2

No one goes to the doctor more than once a week. If she isn't dying of some illness, then she shouldn't be doing this. I suggest actual counseling for her that is less expensive than doctor visits. Tell her to get counseling for her doctor's office addiction or you are going to start questioning the validity or your love for her.

Answer 3

It is good to see you alert now and looking for answers. You are going to have to get tough love here. Make plans to save a soul in your family that requires her traveling or at least your getting your butt off the easy chair and get going alone . Send home lengthy descriptions of how you are needed to be away from home and seek her desire to be with you . The worst outcome will be a complete separation but at least you wont lose your sanity. Unless you fun is next door you need to do something.

Answer 4

I have no clue what her problem(s) is/are but I would consider taking her to another doctor. If another doctor cannot diagnose her with anything and agrees that it isn't mental take it from there but you need to switch. This doctor MAY just be enjoying his "free" money from all of her non-sick visits...or maybe there is something wrong. Have someone else check her out.

Answer 5

Her ilness's are real to her, my friend...she sounds like she has OCD really bad, and it has manifested itself in fear of illness's, and dying...she needs to get some physciatrists evaluation, and perhaps some Luvox, and something for the anxiety it has caused her....this happens when people have tremendous guilt thrown on them or put it on them selves sometimes....she really thinks that she is sick, in her mind...and it is consuming her...she can't help it, and needs medical help, but the right type...she is probably very bright, and sometimes the fear does end up preventing people from really getting sick...Good luck hon, you have a lot to contend with, but the Luvox helps...email me, and I will talk to her myself if it will help...my son suffered from this for years and years

Answer 6

when she goes to the doctor next time ,y dont u go with her and ask questions like the loving husband that u r?