desperate for another child?

Question

i have a great husband and two beautifull children but i am desperate for another baby. i have wanted one for around 4 years now and my husband has always put me off as he does not want anymore the problem is i cant shake the feeling anymore i am getting older so i know this is my last chance but he wont budge. how do i stop myself feeling like this it even crosses my mind to leave him just so i can have another baby i feel as though if i dont i will regret it and end up hating him in the long run anyway. good advice from anyone would be nice

Answer 1

Hi, I have heard women talking about this and the pain involved is similar to the pain of a childless woman not being able to have one. Being childless and having had to come to terms with this, I can give you hope that this pain does pass. I used to feel suicidal yet now I feel happy about the other things I have to offer in life and appreciate the blessings I already have. I still wish to have one but I have looked at it in a less damaging way to my own mental wellbeing. You have the responsibilities of your children's happiness and your husband's and I guess that is even more reason to try and see it as an obstacle to overcome for their sake as it isn't just about your needs. I know how it feels, like this overwhelming instinct that you think you cannot deny yourself, almost like being told to stop breathing, but it is possible. You can lead a happy and full life with what you have already. Please don't hate your husband for being himself, it is tough out there, marriages are worth working on! I hope this helps by putting a different perspective on it. I hope you can find happiness whatever the outcome.

Answer 2

It's human nature never to be happy with what we already have. My point of view is pretty much the same as Hedgehog. Me and my hubby can't have kids and it's something you have to come to terms with or fold over into a heep and die basically. It's so tough but it can be done and you can be happy again.

BUT, I know that the longing to have another child can be just as strong as with your first two. So please don't think I'm unsympathetic when I say this but please try and take a step out of your life and look back into it from my point of view. You seem to have a nice hubby, two children who you love and a good life. I'd give anything to have one child nevermind two. Why risk everything you already have when you can appreciate it and enjoy your life to the full as it is? You get to go to parents evenings, school plays, buy children's Christmas presents, go on family holidays - all the things I'll never have. And you get to do it twice already! Please try and accept the life you have - it doesn't sound too bad. If the way you feel is unearthing a few problems between you and your hubby then leaving him and not addressing the fact that a baby isn't the answer (not for him at least) then things will get worse. You really need to talk to each other and maybe even get some couples councelling.

I hope you get this sorted out and continue to enjoy your family.

Answer 3

I was in a similar situation so I hear what you are saying. The thing is it really takes both parents to want a child or it causes a lot of issues. My husband did not want anymore after our first two so after my youngest was three we went to see the Dr. I was sure we would not be having more children and in the end I was at peace and thankful I had the two I did (many families can have none) then we my daughter was 5 son 7 we got a phone call from Social Services that they needed to place a baby in a safe home.........we said yes and that was a year and a half ago. We adopted him a couple of weeks ago and now I have three children. Be patient honey if you are ment to have more children God will bring them to you and if not enjoy the two blessings you have!!

Answer 4

It sounds to me like you've already started to resent and hate him a little if you've thought of leaving him over this.

Talk to him, you will only feel worse if you don't and it will almost certainly come between you two even more than it already has.

You might find if you are completely honest with him he'll listen or at least tell you his reason why, you never know he's probably got a better reason than you think.

Answer 5

You can't force your husband to have more children if he doesn't want any more - imagine if he kept on and on at you to have more if you didn't want them. He has been honest with you, you need to respect that and be honest with him. I understand your longing but just as you will resent him for not letting you have another child, he will resent you for making him against his will. You have two children and a husband - do you really want to lose him and upset your children greatly for another child? Remember, men have feelings too. You are in a difficult postion I agree but weigh up the great life you have against the unknown.

Answer 6

Please don't break up your family over this...your already-existing children will suffer, as will you. It sounds like you two are polarized around this issue which means you should seek counseling. You cannot and should not force your hub to have more kids as he will only resent you, causing the baby and the other kids to feel unwanted. I know that the internal pull for a baby is very strong but its not something you should be obsessed with to the detriment of your marriage and your children. Seek couples counseling.

Answer 7

You must be desperate to even think of leaving your husband to try and get pregnant by some other bloke presumably. Try getting some counselling before you do something you might regret for the rest of your life.

Answer 8

You need to sit him down in a serious setting so he knows you are real serious. You need to listine to why he doesn't want anymore, then as funny as it sounds you need to repeat it back to him so he knows you undertstand, if you don;t understand then you have to have him explain even more so you do understand. You have two and finacially one more isn't really that big of a difference as long as you let him know you are willing to be very thrifty with the money side of material things for the baby. If his thought is just too much with two already then this is something that has to be thought about in your mind..... Just think there are thousand of people who only have one and can only have one...... Maybe you should be bleesed with what you already have!

Good Luck and God Bless - Becky an American in Ireland

Answer 9

Thank God for the two that you have. How is having one more child going to make you a better person? Being selfish and saying that you are even thinking of leaving your husband just so you can have another child is really absurd. Why would you do that to the two children that you already have? Possibly going and talking to someone will help.

mb

Answer 10

If you feel that strongly, he needs to know. Find out what his reasons are for not wanting another baby. Maybe there's a very real fear or concern you can put to rest.