I've just started seeing a guy who's crazy about me for almost a year now. He's amazing in all aspects, but I can't understand one thing he does. We are not having sex. He knows I'm a virgin, and before we started going out he said that he doesn't expect Anything from me.
But he refuses to sleep over. He said it's "the etiquette." You are not supossed to stay over at your partner's place unless you are having sex.
I think that's complete bs. If that's how he tries to pressure me into sex, wouldn't be easier to get it from me if we Were sleeping together at night?
Is there really such an etiquette rule?
2007-03-25 02:31:01 · 20 answers · asked by girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Maybe he likes u so much that he KNOWS if he spends the night he's gonna want to have sex with u... and he likes u so much that he has too much respect for u to pressure u... give him a break, he's probably doing what's best for the both of u!
2007-03-25 02:36:57 · answer #1 · answered by ladycarebear101 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he just doesn't want to put any undue stress on himself.
If he were to sleep over he might feel it harder (no pun intended) to be a gentleman.
A year is quite a long time and i think he is being pretty respectful about it. As far as etiquette, he is probably right. It would be bad form for him to spend the night. You two are seeing each other romantically...hes not your buddie or one of your girlfriends. Hes your boyfriend and hes trying to do what you asked for in the first place. So maybe the word hes trying to convey is Respect.
2007-03-25 02:37:39 · answer #2 · answered by Steph 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont believe there is, but it is possible for a guy to see it that way because my fiancee cannot sleep in the same bed with me without getting horny.
He probably knows that he would get extremely horny and doesnt want to be "blue balled" because he knows he wouldnt have sex. Another reason could be because of the way he was raised or his morals . Just talk it out with him and find out from him exactly why he wont stay the night without sex. If he says its all about etiquette, then you tell him to explain what he means by that. A lot of guys see dont exactly say what they mean.
2007-03-25 02:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by Petals 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he is being respectful. If he spends the night no one is going to believe that nothing happened between you 2. He is protecting your reputation. You should be grateful that he is a gentleman and not complain because he is keeping his word as to expect nothing from you.
If your feelings towards sex have change then talk with him about it and between the both of you make a mature decision. If you still don't want to have sex, then don't pressure the guy into sleeping with you, that would be cruel, you are asking for him to forget his needs while you tease him with your presence.
In other words, make up your mind and stop sending mix signals to this poor guy.
2007-03-25 03:41:52 · answer #4 · answered by wisv2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, no it's not etiquette. But there's something else going on here.
If he wants sex and you don't, it's going to be a problem, and often in that situation the one who wants sex is going to be passive aggressive. It's not right, but it happens. If he wants sex that badly and you're not willing to have sex right now, you really need to talk about it. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to him. He needs to handle it more maturely, but I'm sure if he's been with you a year, he cares for you a lot, has strong feelings for you, and that makes it very hard to not have sex. That doesn't mean you have an obligation to sleep together by any stretch. But you need to be on the same page. If you want different things sexually, you have to both deal with that.
Again, no, it's not etiquette... but him sleeping over is going to make it difficult to control himself. Many of you will disagree with me; that's fine. This is just my two cents.
Bottom line: talk about this to him. If you don't want to have sex, don't sleep in the same house, and don't ask him to sleep in the same house. It gives mixed signals. If you want to have sex, tell him you're ready. I think what I'm saying is wisdom from experience... decide for yourself.
2007-03-25 02:44:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy is leading you on. He is using the nice guy approach to lead you into bed with him. There is no etiquette in sleeping over except your rules of your house. Look you should not sleep with anyone that tries to manipulate you or control you into sleeping with him. He is a controller of your mind and if you fall for this he will lie to you again and again to get you to do things you really don't want to do. I would suggest you never have him sleep over and better yet, you are better off letting him sleep out on the street by himself for ever. Leave the mind game man and find one the can be honest and can respect you in the morning. As he will not as he lies to you now, he will lie to you later. Can you really trust a man that lies at the beginning of a relationship.?
2007-03-25 02:39:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he or both of you are in agreement that not having sex until your married or at least until a future time, it would seem sleeping over would add a lot of pressure toward having sex.
I don't know if that would be in the "etiquette" catagory but that seems like a real practical approach.
If you interpret him not staying over as being pressued toward sex, I question your motives. I interpret that as living up to his word. I would interpret an invitation to "sleep over" as an invitation to have sex.
2007-03-25 02:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by stedyedy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should be happy he is not sleeping over. It is hard not to make the move on a woman, especially if you care about her and are "sleeping" right next to her. Now, if you really want him to stay over than you should tell him and he should stay over but don't blame him if he can't help trying to make the moves on you. Maybe he can sleep in another room? Think about it... is he really trying to pressure you or protect you?
2007-03-25 02:35:53 · answer #8 · answered by Don Quesadia 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
He respects you, he's "amazing in all aspects", etc. You'll be able to SLEEP together eventually, so don't rush him. Maybe he has another reason for not wanting you to sleep over...maybe he farts like crazy in his sleep. Maybe he has nightmares and thrashes around. He could be using sex as an excuse not to sleep over because he's embarassed.
People are at their most vulnerable when they sleep, which makes some people self-conscious.
2007-03-25 02:37:32 · answer #9 · answered by dayday 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
its prolly easier to controll his urges by not sleeping with you . That way he can respect your virginity. Theres no real ettiqette regarding this but it is the best policy if you plan to remain a virgin. When people sleep together and start fooling around things happen .
2007-03-25 02:35:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋