Just wondering if u guys think that there are any circumstances where its acceptable to have an affair?
Im currently with an older and married man. We love each other (its not just a sexual thing) but he cant leave her at the moment because he'd lose everything. Kid, house, job, etc.
2007-03-25 02:12:55 · 44 answers · asked by only_lil_kez 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Its not acceptable, no matter how rosey you want to paint it. You will be branded, as alot of people like to, as a home wrecker, but it takes two to play this game.. He is also responsible. You have to understand, he will NEVER leave his wife and family for you or the next one that comes along. You're feelings are tired up in this man, but he can say all the most beautiful things to you, make you feel special and promise you the world. But they're all words and to a very infatuated girl. You may think you know what you're doing and think you have everything under control, but you dont. He has. The best of both worlds. They love doing this sort of thing. You need to get yourself out of it as soon as you can and find someone who is worthy of you, and not be sharing this man with anyone else. Just having bits of a man isnt good enough. Get a single guy and have a better quality relationship.If you dont you will regret it.
2007-03-25 05:55:13 · answer #1 · answered by chiccigyal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd better don some flame retardant underwear because this will most likely kick up an ember storm.
It is OK if you know what you are getting into, he knows what he is getting into and nothing is done to harm anyone else, including the spouse and kids.
Harm doesn't mean breach of trust, etc as there is no harm until something damaging occurs. The affair itself may not be damaging but the fall-out of discovery certainly could be.
Quite possibly you, as the other woman, are more at risk of harm (emotionally) than anyone else. In no way should you hang your hopes on him leaving the existing marriage unless he is planning to do so anyway, and for reasons that have nothing to do with you. If he does leave, don't plan on him then taking up exclusively with you. More than likely he will play the field if he can afford to.
What you need to be asking, is not whether its OK to have an affair, but why is he doing so and is that Ok with you. He may have quite reasonable grounds for doing so but that not be a good enough reason for you.
In a great many otherwise good marriages, the wife unilaterally decides that their sex life is over since she doesn't feel like it anymore. No amount of counselling, discussion, home-help changes that. Is he supposed to just accept it and become celibate? Unlikely.
More likely is that the wife "puts out" or "puts up" with his occasional sexual demands and he otherwise makes do with a secret porn stash. This is most unsatisfying and demeaning for both of them, however they most likely still love each other.
Taking this into account, in some circumstances the man enters an affair for sex and that's all it is. He may "love" his time with his sex partner and be "in lust" with her but he is still "in love" with his wife. Big difference.
The other woman however is quite likely to fall in love with him and suffer the consequences of being sidelined from him emotionally and in other aspects of life.
Woman train men very early that only a certain set of circumstances, words and actions will grant access to paradise. Men respond in turn, mirroring or reciprocating feelings, whether they really share them or not, in order to gain that access.
Mistakenly, the "other woman" soon thinks along of the lines of "Well he must love me otherwise he wouldn't be lusting after me". Guess again sister.... this is a learned response.
To see if he really loves you. Without any reason, cut off the sex and see how long he hangs around. My guess is it won't be long because that is the only thing that binds him to you.
Good luck.
2007-03-26 21:06:35 · answer #2 · answered by Ratsoo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So it makes you feel good knowing that he could lose everything any time even contact with his children? How do you sleep at night knowing that you are with another blokes bit on the side? I dont think there are any excuses for having an affair with a married person, whatever tyhe circumstances.
Its selfish for a start, why can you not have anybody else why a married man? and besides it takes two and hes as much to blame as you so I think you should both be ashamed. When you marry someone you take them warts n all, whatever their faults you work on them not say stuff it and go look elsewhere.
Its immoral how people can cheat not only on their wives husbands but cheat on the kids as well.
Bloody disgrace
2007-03-25 02:20:02 · answer #3 · answered by Scatty 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Is this even a real question?
Have you ever stop to ask yourself this question and before you do lets put you in his wife's position. Your the wife and your husband is cheating on you. NOW, ask yourself. Is having a Affair OK? You have no idea how much pain and suffering you will cause because of your involvement with this married A--HOLE. He may love you and you might love him, but, the truth of the matter is YOU are the other woman, F--king Bi--- who destroy a married woman and her children's life. YOU ARE A MARRIAGE/HOME WRECKER. One more thing, If this guy is willing to cheat on his wife and children and not give up anything then what makes you think he will not cheat on you, and if he did, then how would that make you feel? Dose this answer you question.
Try to have some respect for this A--hole's wife and family and yourself and get out of this relationship. NOW!
2007-03-25 02:56:17 · answer #4 · answered by SA41TX 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is never okay to have an affair, when you get married you should stay with that person. and sorry to say, he says he can't leave her at the moment, he is just telling you that, because he really doesn't want to leave is wife. and they will say anything so that you will stick around. your best move is to find someone that is single, what makes you think if he ever does leave his wife, that he won't do the same thing to you. I have been there and done that. and won't do it again. it is not fair to his wife, and I don't care why he is unhappy in a relationship with his wife, it takes 2 in a marriage. and it just seems to me if he wanted to leave he would of done it a long time ago. find someone that will love and respect you. life is to short to be waiting around for a married man, that you can never have to yourself. good luck.
2007-03-25 02:20:45 · answer #5 · answered by misty blue 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off, to those who have been judging be more compassionate. Men like that prey on women who are vulnerable.
The relationship at the moment is based on a false situation. Maybe without his life at home he would not be the same person he is now with you? You are getting the best of him when you are with him.
He is not respecting you by treating you like this. If he is that unhappy in his marriage he should leave her and then start a relationship once he has got over his marriage break up...
you deserve better!
2007-03-25 03:32:37 · answer #6 · answered by Hedgehog888 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is never a time when it is ok to have an affair! I have heard this so many times and I can't believe that you believe him! He will never leave her, he is with her because he loves her and he is churning out these lies to you to keep you as his bit on the side and you've fallen for it hook, line and sinker! Stop trying to justify or rationalize this. If he were to leave her (won't ever happen!)and marry you, those are the same lines he will tell the next girl he has an affair with!!!
2007-03-25 02:21:14 · answer #7 · answered by Jacqui Waze 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, this sounds so familiar. If you can accept the fact that he's never going to leave his wife and kids especially if it means he loses his home and job (why would he lose his job??) then carry on with the relationship. Otherwise, find someone who's free. This guy's just having the best of both worlds and you're not.
2007-03-25 03:17:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lizzie G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I try not to judge. People have affairs for many reasons and I think some are justifiable others are not. I couldn't and wouldn't comment about you and your man.
However relationships need to balance to be successful and when one partner needs or wants more than the other .That is when things go wrong. If you are happy the way things are then OK , but if you spend your time wanting more than he can give you , you are going to suffer.
I hope things work out for you
2007-03-25 06:39:28 · answer #9 · answered by Ellie G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No - it is never acceptable to have an affair. It causes a lot of heartbreak. Unfortunately there are people like you in the world of fall for a married man's bulls**t. Yeah yeah he will leave his wife and children for you. Well I hope to hell he doesn't. Tell me where he is at Easter, Christmas and most weekends. Yes - lady - with his family. And where are you? Home alone!
2007-03-25 02:17:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋