He did some pretty bad things to me in particular and, after my mother finally made him leave 9 years ago, I have been too upset to contact him. But one positive thing he gave me was confidence and ambition. Now I'm successful (nature or nurture?), happy and settled in a brilliant relationship and the only reason why I would contact him is out of sympathy for him, since right now he has nothing. Additionally, if he died/committed suicide tomorrow, I would feel pretty awful. It could make my life more complicated and I would not enjoy spending time with him, but it may make a difference to him. Should I contact him, or forget him?
2007-03-25 02:02:14 · 29 answers · asked by starry eyed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Contact him. He is your Father. Subconsciously, you are willing to forgive any wrong doings that he has done to you and your heart is telling you to find him. Don't not do something that you would regret later in life after it's too late.
2007-03-25 02:07:11 · answer #1 · answered by Nunya 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you still have issues with the way he treated you, then I would not contact him. The worst thing is to have grown past the issues, dealt with them, gotten to a place where they don't wound you any more and then still not contact the person out of spite. That is a very powerful vengeful decision because you see that you are punishing the person and he deserves it, although he can't hurt you anymore.
However, I don't understand how, if you still feel vulnerable to the hurt, you would choose to take up with him again. Yes, you are confident and ambitious, maybe from growing up in the situation you did - but he probably consciously didn't have any intention of helping you develop in that direction. It could be that it is just what you took from that situation and made the best of it. In which case, give yourself credit. Or maybe you see that he did actively work to help you develop that way, with your interests in mind. In which case, maybe a thank-you is in order (although that is not the same as having a relationship with him again; it is just an appreciative thank-you).
Maybe now you feel strong and independent and it makes you feel generous towards him. Would that feeling last once you were contacting him and interested in him again? You say he has nothing - do you mean to give him an emotional connection or just money? Money would be the cheaper and safer of the two.
Finally, don't feel responsible for whether he dies or commits suicide. That is a huge responsibility for any one person to bear! Has he lived in a vacuum? Could he be an alcoholic or just a person who has very little people skills? In other words, could he be actively creating the bad feelings around him? In which case, I don't think any one person can feel responsible.
2007-03-25 02:32:49 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Contact him! Yes he made some mistakes and they might have been really bad. But your suppose to forgive, that doesnt mean you have to forget and not hold him accountable though. He definetily needs to know that what he did was really wrong!
That is very good that you have a well-lived life going right now, but like you said what if he died? You would feel horrible. Maybe you should call him just let him know that you are wondering about him and see what his reaction is. He may ne doing the same thing that you are doing and not calling you out of fear. Or maybe in his case it is embarrassment for what he did to you and your mom. He might think that you wont forgive him for everything adn that you are still mad.
If you call him though you need to let him know that you are ready to move on but what he did was imature adn you were or are mad about it. Also tell him that what he did did not hold you back from succeeding in life and living how you want! He then should take resposibilty for his actions. Start out little like phone calls and then maybe, depending on how its going move to visits. Either way you should probably talk to your mom about your descision if you have not yet. And depending on how old you are there is not much she can say to counteract what you want to do.
What do you have to lose? You will be no worse off if he turns out to be a jerk. Actually that will help you because atleast now you know right? BEST OF LUCK!
2007-03-25 02:24:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he "did some pretty bad things to you",, he needs to come to you, and beg for forgiveness, and even then, it can not ever be the same. Some times dads do things, but,, are still resposible for their actions, and should, at the very least appologise, so you can get on with your life. I found out what my father did to my sister, when she was 13. I confronted him, and the short story is, he had zero remorse. I called him a certain choice name, walked out, and never went back. The piece of crap died few years ago, and I did not even bother to ask why, or where his butts lies. He died carrying the guilt with him ( along with the guilt, over many others, it turns out) It realy is up to your dad, to ask forgiveness,,,do not feel guilty for his sins.
2007-03-25 17:07:00 · answer #4 · answered by Steve C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was very close to my dad when i was growing up... but a bad split with my mum and some not very nice things he did to me and my siblings caused me to lose all contact with him for 20yrs. It was only when my sister had her son that caused a bridge to be built between the 2 of us. But after just knowing him again for 8yrs he died. I have a few regrets in that i lost alot of precious time with him. You should make contact with him but on your terms. As long as he knows you are there but knows that he can no longer hurt you, then you will be in control and from that point of view you can assure yourself that you are doing what is necessary to keep channels open. Good Luck!
2007-03-25 06:18:21 · answer #5 · answered by chiccigyal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say leave the past in the past. If your dad is anything like my dad it won't be worth trying to make up with him.
I made excuses for my father numerous times.. each time I gave him a chance to come back into my life he abused the situation.. it only made me feel empty and used.
Has he ever said sorry to you for the things he has done.. He was the adult in your relationship.. he is your father and HE should make the first move in reconciling with you..
Don't complicate your life when you don't have to.. Acknowledge he is your father.. and move on.. accept him if he comes to you and is genuine.. otherwise leave him where he is.
2007-03-25 06:42:06 · answer #6 · answered by Britlass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everybody makes mistakes in life but family always should be an important part of anybody's life. I think if you are at peace with things that happened in the past then you could actually benefit from contacting your dad. At least you would be showing your maturity and compassion. Everyone deserves a chance to make things right. I say GO FOR IT!
2007-03-25 02:10:33 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you should contact him. You will feel absolutely horrible if he dies without having made contact with him once more.
You don't have to go into a close relationship with him. In the least, just let him know that you've forgiven him. Keep your distance if you wish. However, if he's still the horrible person he was last time, then just break all ties with him, and you won't feel guilty doing that because you tried. You tried, full stop. You'll just be pissed at him but at least it won't eat you alive inside out.
However, do check with your mum first. She ended her marriage and made him move out for your sake- I think she has the right to know and have a decision in it. Try persuading her if she says no though.
2007-03-25 02:13:09 · answer #8 · answered by Chocolate Strawberries. 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sorry to your loss To be trustworthy i might say that's too early to anticipate some thing like this. Even a pro medium can run into problems attempting to touch the different facet while they are emotionally overwhelmed you're nevertheless grieving so not in simple terms are you impressionable meaning anybody ought to income on your emotions even though it would additionally be greater problematical for anybody to come again by using to you And as your Father has in simple terms at the instant skipped over it truly is too complicated for him to touch this facet besides as he might choose time to conform with the different facet by means of all skill seek for out a non secular Church in case you experience it ought to help. it would elevate your spirits to confirm the ease it brings to others yet do not anticipate he will come by using because of the fact of what i've got mentioned till now yet in addition because of the fact those on the different facet confirm who gets a analyzing and a few human beings can dominate the medium's time besides i'm not asserting your Father in simple terms isn't waiting to touch you, yet do not development up your hopes too intense as you need to come away feeling even sadder than you do now that's greater useful to offer this greater time and grieve commonly, then come returned later and attempt to confirm if he comes by using then
2016-12-19 13:26:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't make this the biggest issue in your life. It's always nice to have a close family, but this is not always possible. Offer an invitation into your life, if it's not accepted then you tried, if it's accepted then be careful not to let this new relationship to control your life. I found it much more rewarding pouring my efforts into making my own happy family, instead of trying to fix a broken one. Good luck x
2007-03-25 03:12:06 · answer #10 · answered by Kelly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you would not enjoy spending time with him then what is the point ?, also if he done those bad things to you then he deserves what he has now.
I know he's your dad and all but if he's not making the effort to contact you then why should you bother, if you just feel pity for him then i would say No, don't contact him.
But at the end of the day this can only be your choice !!
2007-03-25 02:12:45 · answer #11 · answered by Richard 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋