fair?I can't go out clubbing with my girls,I can't talk to any of my exes and he wants me to always let him know where I'll be.Did I mention that he won't sleep with me and doesn't do all those little romantic things he used to do?He used to treat me like a princess and now I feel like a ciminal.We've been together for 3 years and I only cheated that one time and got caught.He says I can't work on earning his trust back under any other conditions. Is this fair?
2007-03-25 01:32:59 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's never been abusive in any way shape or form.Like I said,he used ot treat me like a princess and before I was allowed to do everything I'm not right now.
2007-03-25 01:41:21 · update #1
Can't say I blame him.
You went way over the line - and if you expect him to trust you again, you either do what makes him comfortable or move on - you cannot demand he trust you on your terms.
2007-03-25 01:36:57 · answer #1 · answered by pepper 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What he has said is not fair on you, but understandable, and I think any guy would do the same in his situation. He is undoubtedly hurt by what you have done, especially as it was with his best friend, and you 2 are the 2 people he thought he could have the most trust in. Breaking this trust means he is sure to doubt you, and wonder where you are. Even if he knows you wouldnt do something like that again, there will always be some confusion in the back of his mind, especially if you are out in clubs, in situations where he isnt there to 'protect you' from other guys. Hes not doing the romantic things becasue you have hurt him. His reaction is fair, but because he is hurt and doesnt know what to do. You've been together for 3 years though, so you 2 must have something special going on. You can get through it. Just give him some time to cool off about it, the trust will eventually come back.
2007-03-25 08:41:07 · answer #2 · answered by Bex 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This one is a bit tough. Because you cheated on him with his best friend and that will have hurt him so much. If you don't love him anymore or can't bear to be with him, then please leave now. Before anymore trouble happens. Some may say it's fair that he's stopping you from clubbing with your girls, doesn't want you to talk to any of your ex's and wants ou to always let him know where you'll be. But this also could be a sign on an abusive relationship because he always want to know where you are. About the ex's thing, thats same with every boyfriend, but if you explain from the start that you're just good friends (if you are) then he should be fine. After reading the rest of your post, I suggest you leave before you look elsewhere again and cause more damage. This is really a tough one to answer, hope I helped a little.
2007-03-25 08:38:53 · answer #3 · answered by hcolson2000 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunate as it may sound... this is what you will have to live with for some time until you regain his trust. You are actually lucky that he is even giving you a chance. For him to do this he must really want to be with you. You don't realize how much you probably hurt him and make him feel so insecure. For him to do all these things just shows that he has little trust in you and wont be able to trust you for some time. If you cannot handle this then you should reconsider. It is your fault and you did cheat. So you will pay the price that will come with staying with him. He probably wont sleep with you because he is upset or sad about what you did. He probably imagines you with the other guy all the time.
It will be hard for him to get over this, if you can't take it you should reconsider. It will be an uphill journey with him for some time. Take a moment to think if this is what you really want.
I know, I had an ex cheat on me and we tried to work it out. Its so difficult to trust them again.
2007-03-25 08:39:33 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well I hope you enjoyed that one night of lusting because as far as I see you ruined this relationship with him. You might as well leave him and start a new one because trust from him is one thing you will never get back and it should be that way. How would you feel if he cheated on you? I'm not trying to be rude but I have to keep it real. You F'd up big time.
But who knows, maybe youll find someone you'll actually want to commit everyday to. And if you dont. Youll wish you never cheated on that guy in the first place. I mean come on... talk to your exes? after you slept with his best friend? Pack your things and get to steppin cause we can all see your not ready for a commitment. Like I said I'm just keeping it real.
2007-03-25 08:42:04 · answer #5 · answered by RocketProof 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is it fair? IS IT FAIR? Blimey...i'm suprised he has not got rid of you.
What did you expect?
Welcome to real life.
If you don't want a commited, trusting, monogamous relationship...fine. Stay single, play the field, have sexual encounters and experiences etc, absolutely nothing wrong with that (provided you stay safe), BUT don't expect a partner, especially a long term partner to say 'Oh, never mind, i forgive you' and thats the end of the matter.
He is hurting, badly. (you DID want an honest answer, right?)
He has been betrayed, betrayed not only by his best male friend, but by his best female friend, his lover, his confidant, his partner, by you.
Have you never heard the saying 'don't crap on your own doorstep'?
Things may well improve over time, but don't expect his trust to return overnight...generally being betrayed is a bitter pill to swallow, and it usually takes a long time to regain trust in someone who has broken your heart.
You have to decide a few things for yourself.
1.) Can you remain faithful to this man, excluding anyone else that shows a sexual interest in you?
2.) If you can, do you want to?
3.) Can you live with him, now he is justifiably untrusting towards you?
4.) Are you willing to be tolerant of his hurt feelings and the other mental scarring the gut wrenching mental images of you and his so called other friend having sex are going to conjour up in his mind?
5.) Put yourself in his shoes for a while, imagine it was him with your best girlfriend, and you will have a small (very small) glimpse of what he is feeling.
Don't blame him for your betrayal...you stabbed him in the back remember?
And i'd be saying the exact same thing to him if he were the one asking this question, so it's not a girl/boy or a boy/girl thing in case you were wondering.
Put it this way...I have been with my wife almost 20 years, and have never gone behind her back nor she me..it's called monogamy...A promise made and kept.
If you can't live with his natural distrust and anger towards you, perhaps you should do the both of you a favour and move along, so he can find someone who will be faithful to him, and give yourself time to figure out what is important to you, a trusting, loving, relationship, based on mutual respect and honesty, or a series of enjoyable, but ultimately empty sexual experiences with other people.
Up to you really..
2007-03-25 09:12:06 · answer #6 · answered by spikeychops 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not supposed to be fair, it's an ultimatum. I would guess he wants to see if you are committed to trying to make things right or if you continue to hold other priorities that mean more to you than he does. The fact that he is even bothering with a second chance for you speaks to either his commitment or folly. Assuming it is the former you need to decide if your relationship is something you want to salvage and then you are going to be faced with the difficult task of picking up the pieces. It's like a vase, easy to break, but very hard to put back together.
2007-03-25 08:39:01 · answer #7 · answered by DJL2 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well dear, I think the writing is on the wall. It's time to cut bait on this one! I think he will only give you a hard time going forward. I'd let him go and find a guy you really want to be with. Being loyal is obviously critical in a good relationship, so i wouldn't commit to anyone until you feel he is the one you really want to be with.
2007-03-25 08:40:26 · answer #8 · answered by by u 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why did you cheat on him if he was such a wonderful man? Seems to me you deserve his lack of trust, and with his best friend. Hmm, you must be a genius. For the love of God, did you really ask this question? Stop being selfish for one minute, put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel? God bless****
2007-03-25 08:43:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What would you do if you caught him cheating? I think you should quit complaining and be happy he didn't give you the boot. You were wrong and yet, you are upset he doesn't let you leave alone,or go "clubbing". Give me a break
2007-03-25 08:40:41 · answer #10 · answered by David and Jen C 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋