childrens behaiver in public?

Question

this is aquestion for parents who do and dont agree with smacking children.
im planning on smacking less often and only for the serious things.

what punishment do ii give my child if they run of with a trolly in a shop bashing into people on purpose and then throse loads of glasses onthe floor?

if they spat in someones face in a store

just any thing naughtey in public really

i cant just takethem home if i reallyneed some shopping.

the girls are 3 5 and 14

it wasthe 5yr old on this occasion but my 14yr old kayleighhas been very sassy reacently i also woundered how icould punishher because grounding never really works and she rarely watches tv

Answer 1

wow your kids are naughtey
if the 3 or 5 year old act out you could give them time out by sitting them in the trolly seat for 3 and 5 minutes then say to them are you going to be good and dont let them out until they say sorry explain that they will be sat in the trolly every time they misbehave. If either of my kids smashed glasss or spat at some oe i would take them by the hand to the bathroom and give them a smack on the bottem and stay in there untill they stop crying as i dont smack often but that saught of behaviour is unaceptable. with your teen you can say if you are going to be sassy then you will have you phone taken off you for the week no pocket money not alowed out wid friends if it is possible if she walks home from school pick her up for the week she will soon learn good luck

Answer 2

When my eldest son was about ten years old I had collected him from school and brought his younger brother and sister with me. I needed to go to the supermarket and had too much to carry on my own - so I asked each of the children to carry something. The younger two had to have a plastic carrier bag each - but the eldest one had his school bag with very little in it. I asked him to open his bag - which he did reluctantly. There was a bag of sweets in there that he had stolen! I went to the store manageress and told her - I could easily have afforded to pay for the sweets - but that wasn't the point! The manageress took my son to the manager while younger brother and sister waited. He was given a sound talking to and barred from the store for a year. It taught all of us a lesson!

The eldest one was scared out of his wits and the other two knew exactly what Mum would do if she found out that they were stealing (although I did have to, a few years later do the same thing with his younger brother!). I learned that people out there will help you if you ask! The younger brother episode was a bit different and this time I took him to the police station! It was a combined effort between himself and a school friend. His friends mother just said that his friend was grounded for a week - I didn't think that was enough. He was taken back to the shop by the PC, to the store manager (a different store!). I also gave the name and address of his friend to the police. The mother was furious - but both boys had to pay off for what they had stolen for a few pence each week - and had to go into the store to pay.

Is the statement that you have made what your children are actually doing or are you just asking the question? I think that smacking is good - but on a limited basis - and never threaten to smack if you don't plan on going through with it - the kids will realise that you won't do it anyway. Bribary is the worst thing! Each time, the bribe will get bigger - kids aren't that stupid and know that they have the upper hand with a bribe.

I doubt if you will like this much, but I really think that you need to take a big look at what you expect of your children when they are at home. The discipline thing seems to have gone right out of the door! Perhaps it is time you sought some help from a behaviour specialist who can teach you how to discipline your children!

You don't mention how old the children are. I did actually find that by buying a second hand 'baby rein' and threatening to attach my children to me worked very well - but they were aged between about eight and eleven at the time. It was a really handy item to keep in my pocket, thought - a bit like handcuffs - and very visible!

Do ask for help from the store before you go in - most of them have a telephone number or an email address - and also, expect it from them at home.

It's kids like that that make shopping a nightmare for the rest of us!

Oh - and good luck, you have a bumpy ride ahead of you!

Answer 3

If the punishment you are giving a child does not seem to be effective, try something else. For the 14 year old, start taking away her stuff (ipod, cell phone, computer, time with friends, etc). Tell your kids you're going to not take them out in public if they're going to act like wild animals. Hire a babysitter for an hour or if you trust the 14 year old, pay her to watch the younger ones while you shop. Do not allow this type of behavior to continue.

Answer 4

Simple answer is that you really can't do a lot in the shop in the given moment other than remove them as quickly as possible.
You need to deal with the shopping thing before you ever go shopping. Demand a reasonable level of behaviour, explain what will happen if they fail to deliver, and FOLLOW THROUGH. If you say you're going to deprive them of tv or games for a week, then do it.
Explain what a reasonable level of behaviour is, and take steps to let them act properly. If your attitude is threatening or tight-lipped, it will increase their tension and they'll have to let it out somehow.
Get them involved in the shopping thing - assign each of them one or two items to remember from the list, and ask for their help in getting the things they had to remember.
Wear them out before you get to the shop - go to a park on the way, and get them to run about like mad things for half an hour.
Bribery is often useful - if I don't have to correct you while we're shopping, we can go to the movies afterwards, for example.
Spitting, hurting people and breaking things should never be allowed, at home or in public. If they're at that level of misbehaving, you've got bigger problems than shopping.
There are parenting classes available in most areas, which are very good at giving guidelines on how to discipline with assertiveness but not with threats or violence. It might be worth your while looking into these.
Good luck.

Answer 5

well with my children i always try to get them to behave at a store of course it always doesnt work but some stores have like 25 cent suckers or something that i will get them if they are good bribes usually work hehe and if they broke a whole bunch of glasses i would spank them in public maybe take them into the restroom because that would mean i would have to pay for those items which i would not be able to afford my any means now if they spat in someones face i do not know never had that problem and i try to keep them close to me not easy with three by myself and if your child just does not listen at all no matter where you are then i think some serious dicipline needs to be done at home liek the taking away of toys tv or other privledges they might have i am by no means an expert or trying to judge any other parent just giving my opinion on this matter :)

Answer 6

I do not agree with smacking in public (or private for that matter). These are some very serious offences you are mentioning and I'm assuming that a) your child has actually done these things and b) they are old enough to know better. You must in this instance LEAVE THE STORE IMMEDIATELY. Do not speak, drop what you are doing, forget the cart and leave. Trust me, your child will be so shocked they won't know what to do at first. You will probably only need to do this once for the effect to sink in. Don't go on a day when you really need to shop - make it a dry run. On the other hand, if your kid surprises you, give him/her a reward for good behaviour. Good luck!

Answer 7

I really do not see a child spitting on people and bashing into them on purpose if they have had proper punishment in the past, but, ya never know.. If you dont want to spank (I do at times on the butt only) then I would wait till we got home and talked to them, reminded them what they did and then punish however you chose, take away privledges or time out. If possible, I would leave the store when they started acting up.

ps. if they spat on someone or ran into them or threw glasses on the floor-that IS one of the serious things so go ahead and whoop his butt!

Answer 8

spitting and breakingthings in shops is dire behaviour and needs to be addressed immediately. i suspect they get away with too much at home but sorry if thats hurtful to you, sounds that way though.
smacking not a great way to get your kids not to hit or spit!! they see through the hypocrisy. but a light slap on wrist is acceptable in these circumstances. if your eldest is with you and any of them bisbehave that badly, can you put them all in the car?
and grounding DOES work if you are consistent and back it up with confiscating personal items.. mobile/iPod/makeup/cds etc. for a whole week.
i agree with some others... talk firmly to them before you go out inpublic. do not bribe them, that makes them worse. instead explain that if there is any misbehaving, they are grounded for a week and lose their favourite toys etc (see above for teens possessions!!) and will have no sweets etc for that week either. tell them what you DO expect,give them an idea of what you want rather than just what you dont want. give them something to do, like a shopping list etc.
if they DO behave, you could reward them with a SMALL treat and tell them why they are getting it... but best reward is a big hug,lots of praise and a group activity when get home with lots of your positive attention, like a board game or trip to park where you play with them too rather than letting them, get on with it. this will motivate them to repeat good behaviour again.
ask fo rhelp from health visitor etc and go to parenting classes, they are brilliant and very helpful and non judgemental!
good luck theres no quick fix but stay focused within a few months they'll have got the hang of it!!

Answer 9

wow, my daughter throws tantrum, but we do leave when she does that. she loves going shoping with mom. if shes naughty we just go home. Is there anyone who can watch your children when you go shop? what your discribing sounds beyond a tantrum. no you should never smack a child, this just frusterates them and makes them think that its ok. Make sure they know the rules before you even go into the store. tell them the consiqunces of what will happen if they dont act nice. (take away a toy or privlage) and stick to your guns. If your naughty at the store, we wont buy that peter pan movie you want. you wont get any play time, youll loose video games ect... And most importantly. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.
once they see that your not bluffing then next time their attatude may change.
good luck, I know what it is when you take your children out and they throw a tantrum. People are so rude sometimes, they stare.

Answer 10

My son is beginning to throw fits and tantrums and not listen in public. I don't do the whole "smacking" process with him, but instead, he gets his hand popped. I hear so many horror stories of parents having child protective services called on them when they're caught giving their child a spanking in public. But who can really argue that a slap on the wrist is abuse? I'd rather take my chances with that. My son has only had a few pops on his hand in public, but he now listens whenever I tell him something, and if disobeying, changes his mind when asked "do you want your hand popped?" I agree though, a little smack when needed is what most kids need these days. I can tell you after living overseas in a country that still spanked their children, their children were a lot more respectful and obedient than those of American children. I believe it was once like that in America... what has our society come to?