We met in a mental hospital...my parents oppose?

Question

We were together in the hospital every day for four months, and very close. before being released, we exchanged addresses and numbers, and after being released, started dating. We dated about a year, then he broke up with me a few weeks ago among other reasons because of the distance; I'm in New York; he's in Tokyo. We started dating in Tokyo, then I had to move to NY last Sep w/ my parents and we dated long dist. The break up was not mutual, but it was open ended, in that he did not completely rule out the possibility of getting back together once I moved back to Tokyo. I'm moving back to Tokyo to start work there in April; he doesn't know that yet. I should add that another major reason for breaking up was that he did not feel good enough for me due to his educational background, etc, a point of great frustration for me because I don't share in his opinion. He said he could not marry me because he could not make me happy, because he does not and could not have a proper, decent job.

I wouldn't mind providing for him, and letting him do what he likes, but he doesn't like such a situation. Now he is being sincere, and I think this makes him even more difficult to read. When we were breaking up, he said his feelings for me fundamentally have not changed; if he didn't love me he would continue dating me, do I understand? (This kind of consideration for the other person is apparently very much a Japanese style of thought). But then he later said there is no point dating for the reasons he gave (long distance - we cannot see each other; and he can't marry me because he can't get a proper job) and when i asked "then why did you date me to begin with?" he said "my feelings have cooled now and I love you less than in the beginning." He wanted to be friends and as friends, he would email me at the same rate, he said, and I can call him on the phone, we can meet in Tokyo "as friends". But since the break up a few weeks ago he is responding quicker to my emails, initiating

conversations, and he writes me: "[my name], hello. [my name], fundamentally there is no problem. [my name], by the way now are you coming to Japan in April?" I am wondering why he wants to know whether I'm coming back to Japan and why is he talking to me more than when we were dating? When I asked him, he said there is no one new. The last few emails I sent him: "I am going to Japan in mid-April. Dave is coming to visit me from April 10th to the 13th so it will be after that. So it will be in the middle of next month [that we see each other], won't it! I will arrive at Tokyo Narita [airport] on April Xth. Can I see you that week?" He replied: "[my name], good evening. [my name], I think/I am thinking it will be good if/I hope that we can see each other that week. That and [my name], why don't you try telling Dave you love him/asking Dave out." Dave is my best friend and confidante in love and all matters, and my ex knows this, and thinks highly of Dave. Five months ago in Tokyo my ex

wrote me: "[my name], for the first time in my life I am seriously hoping and praying for the happiness of someone other than myself. Youare after all extremely pretty and lovely. [my name], I honestly seriously love you so much.
[my name], good night (with a throbbing heart mark)." I just got a message from him saying: "[my name], good evening. [my name], is it about a week that you are going to be in Japan?" Last time I was there a week. "[my name], good evening. [my name], I won't know until April. [my name], Horiemon has been sentenced to prison." Now my question is this: my parents are opposed to my going back to Japan to be with him, they are deadly against my relationship with him, because they believe he is more mentally ill than me. Yet I think we love each other very much. My parents also think I could not handle living alone in Tokyo, having a full time job, AND a relationship with my boyfriend. They want me to take a vocational course in New York, improve my social skills,

and try to find a job in one year's time after i get better. But I want to take this chance to be independent in Tokyo and get back with my boyfriend. In this case, what should I do? I am sorry this is so long, I am seriously concerned about what to do.

Answer 1

ok,honestly,i think he likes u and wants to get things going again.u put in some effort too,and everything is gonna work out.japanese can be diff to understand sometimes,but when they love,they do love,and i think he loves u.

Answer 2

You don't say what it was that brought him to the hospital but regardless, was he considered "cured" of whatever ailed him and you too? Is it manic-depressive (bi-polar)? Are you on medication? What's the worst that could happen in case of relapse or should it become impossible for him to get the proper meds, etc? These are questions you can answer for yourself and if this man honestly feels that he can't make you happy 'cause he doesn't have a good job or position, what is it that he likes to do? Is he an artist? Is he lazy? I can't answer for the things you only know about him which are your business to know and only you can determine if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life with him no matter what.
In that case, you need complete commitment on both your parts for it to work and even if it means not seeing your loving and caring parents for a long time, you must be willing to live with that and everything else that your moving to Japan would mean for you other than the fact that you'd be with the man you love.
Anyhow, you can tell him that money doesn't make people happy.
True love does! And about his feelings of the beginning being gone? If he is sincere about that, it can only mean one of two things...
One, is that he is so honourable that he'll even lie to protect you from being unhappy with him or that his love has already diminished and if so, you owe it to yourself to consider what it will be years from now?
Lovebetween people is supposed to grow, not diminish.
What goes away is "lust" or the initial "passion" of the feeling that comes with what some call being "in" love.
He sounds somewhat confused and not too sure of what he really wants.
I can't say for sure as too many parts are missing for a proper evaluation of this situation.
Depending on the relationship you have going with your parents, which seems like a pretty good one, your age, your ability to provide for yourself and for him, for how long, etc, it is up to you if you decide that you want to cut the "status quo", as it were, of the ties you had with them, to plunge in the "unknown" in spite of their opposition or if you will take your time and enjoy being their child a bit longer.
It's not such a bad option. Best wishes, no matter what you decide to do.
Teri

Answer 3

I say let things go with te flow. Whatever happens...happens. It seems as if the closed environment of the mental hospital made the love progress faster than normal. Maybe when released he realized he didn't love you as much as he thought/felt while you ere in the mental hospital? It seems that way from the 'cooled down' part of the convo you put down between you both. Maybe he has found someone new but knows/figures how much you love him and doesn't want you breaking down or going more mentally insane? Or he could be trying to let you go so you can 'find someone better'. I think you shouldn't push it but just see what happens. Cause liek I said whatever happens...happens.

Answer 4

I don't follow exactly why you think that where you met him has any significance in your relationship.

His emails to you are staying formal for a reason. He is not interested in pursuing the more serious objective you desire, but is trying to say it nicely. Give him some space if that's what he needs. Let him find himself before he finds someone to be with.

Answer 5

whoa...lot of drama! 4 what he like u u like him when u go back he left the door open , but might have another gf! trying 2 close the door
take a deep breath and exhale suga!

Answer 6

I said that, too. i definitely loved it, and that i have an alphabet youngster. My daughter has ADHD (we replaced into hoping it replaced into yet another flawed analysis, as our son replaced into already Autistic, yet after 3 years of struggling with the meds, and going to remedy, we realized it wasn't) and that i hate putting forward she's hyper lively or explaining getting to be conscious of ailment to people. i'd in simple terms start up telling them " So sorry Heaven-Lee thinks your sofa is a trampoline, she's an alphabet youngster" Lmao, it fairly works. She doesn't fairly attempt this even if, no longer frequently. it really is a pretty label, even if it really is nonetheless a label. in truth i attempt to easily call her with assistance from her call. If someone questions her habit, or asks why she's on medicine, I clarify that she HAS it, even if it really is no longer who she is. If i fairly opt to label her, I definitely have lots. Rambunctious, athletic, and oftentimes in simple terms undeniable stupid. Labels are labels. some father and mom use them, some do not. some ought to love "alphabet youthful ones", and some ought to hate it. It doesn't definitely count number what we call them, they are our youthful ones. era. Labels and titles do not fairly change that. EDIT: Come on adult adult males, I see the position your coming from, yet i don't believe of it really is any more advantageous insensitive or ignorant than the father and mom that introduce their youthful ones with assistance from their "themes". And to both who've journey with Bipolar, i replaced into clinically determined at 13 w/ speedy cycling Bipolar ailment w/ Auditory Psychosis. Lol, it truly is a huge identify for a baby. i wager between transforming into up with that, and having both an Autistic son and daughter with ADHD (you should verify our appt. agenda lol) i have discovered to chortle it off. i bump into humor the position the "prevalent" people do. I discovered now to not be smooth to the "labels", and that i wager i'm attempting to coach my youthful ones a similar. Even my son, being Autistic he's taking issues very actually and heavily. i wager i'd somewhat the three people have a humorousness about our ailments. Sarcasm and wit can definitely artwork more advantageous powerful than our meds often times. yet idk, perchance were in simple terms bizarre (Ugh, like we mandatory yet another label). in simple terms my opinion even if, everyones entitled to that even those those with labels.

Answer 7

Double your dose of Haldol and make sure he does too....and follow your heart 'cause anything above that ain't working right anyway.............