I am 24 years old. I was out with a guy friend tonight and my mom called in the middle of the visit to ask where I was what we were doing and when I gave her the basic details (e.g. I'm with "John" in Colchester, we're watching a movie; I'll stop by the house before I work tonight) She wasn't satisfied with the answers that I gave her. When she kept after me (But WHERE are you? What TIME will you be home? You know you have to work! Are you giving yourself enough time?) When I repeatedly told her that everything was fine and not to worry, she got her proverbial feathers ruffled. I know that I'm going to get the guilt trip routine tomorrow like never before. My mom is one of my best friends! I've confronted her before on things like this, but she just doesn't get it. Any suggestions? I'm feeling the guilt even before she starts tripping me! lol
2007-03-17 22:49:43 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am going to try and answer your question from two points of view. First as a mother and then as the young woman I used to be.
First - When my own kids were your age, I did something similar. I had several reasons which I first explained to my two sons and daughter. One is that it is incredibly dangerous out there, even if you don't thinks so, and I just wanted to know that my kids were safe. I felt it important to know their movements so that if they didn't arrive home by a specific time, I knew that there was the possibility that they may be in some sort of trouble, in which case, I could immediately start proceedings to find and assist them.
I also needed to be able to contact them in case of an emergency - which did in fact occur on one occasion when my elderly neighbour was murdered by a burgler. What I didn't tell them, was that I also wanted to enjoy their youth and the fact that they were happy and enjoying themselves, which meant that I often asked them all about their activities. Of course, when they didn't want to tell me something, I did back off but would feel a little sad and worried that everything was not quite as it should be. Hoever I also accepted
that a certain degree of privacy is needed with regard to personal relationships.
Second - As a young woman, I understood that my own folks were concerned about me. My mother went into a panic every time I went out and my Dad would sit up until I got home. I got very frustrated at what I felt was intrusive behaviour on their part. Then on one occassion, I was left stranded late at night by an inebriated young man when I refused to go to his flat with him. Naturally I called my parents to come and fetch me. Yes, I got the third degree, but finally, I understood their fears. Once I started keeping them
informed in a little more detail, they started to relax, and I found that we became closer as a family.
You mentioned that you have spoken to your mother about her intrusiveness before, but were you perhaps in your anger being confrontational, rather than waiting until you were both calm and able to discuss the problem
in a more logical and thoughtful manner.
I hope my answer will be of assistance to both you and your mother. I wish you both a contented and happy future.
Look after yourself and be safe.
Sandy
http://www.moms-home-safety.com
2007-03-18 00:10:46 · answer #1 · answered by Sandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Yes mom. I know mom. OK mom, I promise. Anything you say mom. I hear you mom. You're so right mom. Any thing else mom? I'm working on it mom. Thanks for caring mom you're the best". Smile nod your head. You've been through it a thousand times before. Let her vent, get it over with and give her a big hug.. Then go to bed, get up, go to work, go out again and start the whole thing all over... again. 24 years old or 240 years old. Doesn't matter. You're always going to be Mommy's little girl no matter what. Thing to beware of is if she doesn't talk then you know you're in really big trouble.
2007-03-17 23:49:16 · answer #2 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shes just worried about you - in this day she has every right to be, so much happens to young girls on nights out.
make sure she knows where your going to be, who with and what time your going to be home, say you'll phone and text her at ....o clock and DO IT and then she may stop worrying slightly. If anything changes give her a quick text to say your plans have changed to ......., and eventually over time, she'll begin to calm down about you going out. - it wont be a overnight thing, but with time - be patient, shes only looking out for your best interests.
2007-03-17 22:55:36 · answer #3 · answered by schmushe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers do that. Let her be who she is and continue to ask. You cannot change her. Just don't react with feeling guilty. It takes a long time to "ignore" it but when you finally do, it is wonderful. Liberating actually.
2007-03-17 22:56:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife's mother is like that just don't let it worry you and try to not let her know too much of your life sometimes mums want to own you completely
2007-03-17 23:16:50 · answer #5 · answered by burning brightly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her your plans and if anything changes you will call her. Then go on your date with your phone cut OFF. Good luck.
2007-03-18 00:07:54 · answer #6 · answered by sandman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is a lonely woman and can't let go of you because you are her best (and maybe her only) friend.
2007-03-18 01:27:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She knows what she did when she was your age, and she thinks you are doing the same!!!
2007-03-17 23:10:42 · answer #8 · answered by schuschtermat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋