Hi guys and gals! One of the reasons why I broke up with my ex-girl friend is because her heart is still hung on a man from her past. She says that she believes he just might be THE ONE for her to marry. But then she said that she did not want to let go of me because she's afraid she might lose me for good just in case she finds out that he really isn't THE ONE. I try to explain to her that she needs to look into this guy because that is the only way she will gain any closure with this situation but she needs to let go of me while she does it. But she doesn't want to let me go she wants us to have a close and intimate relationship with each other while she looks into seeing if this is the guy for her. When I explain to her that she would be using me if she did that she disagrees and says she doesn't understand why that would be using me. She's 29 yrs old. Is it possible for someone her age to really not understand this concept? Or is she using that as an excuse?
2007-03-17 22:17:08 · 16 answers · asked by tonianewin2004 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thats called having her cake and eating it.
Do you REALLY want a woman/girl that doesnt put you as #1.
You should tell her to go ahead and you should move on, you'll find the next woman you meet will have MUCH nicer qualities than this one, and by the sounds of things that wont be difficult
answer to your question is yes she is using you .
2007-03-17 22:21:39 · answer #1 · answered by looby 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If she doesn't understand why that would be using you... then maybe you should clarify if she wants a non-exclusive, open relationship. I mean if she wants to be able to pursue a relationship with another guy while staying with you; she should have no problem with you doing the same thing right? Not sure you even want this kind of relationship with her, but just mentioning that to her will open her eyes to either: 1) your not an idiot.. or 2) she is asking too much of you.
It sounds like she's may be a bit co-dependent. She may be too concerned about not being in a relationship to see the negative impact this is having on you. Don't let your kindness get in the way of your own sensibilities. End it.
2007-03-17 23:29:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excuse! How many women do you know, or have you heard of fit this picture: In a relationship with an abusive guy (physically or emotionally) -or- in a relationship with a guy who is Obviously cheating? Lots right? How many people need to have a back-up job before they leave the one they hate? Just about all of them. She has stated very clearly that you are the back-up, the 2nd best. It doesnt mean she doesnt love you, it doesnt mean it wont hurt. What about you though? Break it off.. she has soul searching to do, it might be meant to be.. it might not. Date other people, it doesnt mean get laid, but honestly you deserve not to have someone's leftovers. If you happen to find someone else, so be it.
2007-03-17 22:28:02 · answer #3 · answered by Elise 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well tell her you want to have a close initmate relationship with the girl down the street. How can you even let her do that to you. I mean seriously? You want to be 2nd best? Or she only takes you if he doesnt want her?!?! Why does she need to understand your point? She is using it as an excuse. And even if she is that retarded that she doesnt get it who cares? Find someone else, or at least go have fun without her and let her figure herself out. Thats not your job.
2007-03-17 22:33:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she does not understand why that must be utilising you... then perhaps you may make sparkling if she needs a non-unique, open relationship. I propose if she desires to be waiting to pursue a relationship with yet another guy mutually as staying with you; she could have not have been given any problem with you doing the comparable ingredient precise? undecided you even choose this sort of relationship along with her, yet in basic terms stating that to her will open her eyes to the two: one million) your no longer an fool.. or 2) she is calling too numerous you. It appears like she's could be somewhat co-based. She could be too in touch approximately no longer being in a relationship to work out the damaging effect it extremely is having on you. do no longer permit your kindness get in the way of your guy or woman sensibilities. end it.
2016-10-02 07:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is a women. that really all that needs to be said. but Women don't think like men. Guys will either cheat on the girl, and stay with her(unless the new girl makes them leave, which almost never happens) or guys dump the girl and go after another one. Women, don't do that, they start dating someone eles, and see if anything is there, before they dump there guy, like their taken a test ride. If the new guy isn't really going for them, they stay. If he is in to her, she dumps you. and Yes she is using you. If you were doing what she is, she call you ever bad name in the book.
2007-03-17 22:39:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep it as simple as you can, dude.
Option 1: Tell her that of course she's risking losing you, but if she comes back soon there's little chance you won't take her back -- but only AFTER she's finally through with the other guy. Then push her firmly out the door.
There's a good chance she'll be back, with a newfound appreciation for reality (genuine or feigned).
Option 2: Keep having a fine ol' sexual relationship with her while you also openly date other women.
2007-03-17 23:16:43 · answer #7 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are her stand by man. She's involved with you but if this guy comes around or something better comes around she will drop you like a hot potato. The thing is, you are way too good for her. There are some great women out there who would love you to be with you. So either continue being her dormat or find someone who will treat you great.
I'm sure she justifies her behavior by telling herself that she isn't using you, but you know she is. People will treat us the way we allow them to. If you allow her to walk all over you she will.
2007-03-17 22:23:21 · answer #8 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Big excuse. She is using you. You are just the back up plan for her. All she is waiting for is for the other guy to come around to dump you like a hot coal. Dont give her that chance. You know what to do
Good luck
2007-03-17 22:32:41 · answer #9 · answered by nyenelra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's afraid of the future and doesn't want to be wrong. In her mind this is probably the right way to go about it.
In her mind she is not using you, but in fact yes she is. You are a substitute until she can figure what she is going to do with the other man.
2007-03-17 22:22:32 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋