How lucky?
That I met you
In the blink of an eye,
I was yours
How sweet?
That you wanted me too
In a kiss on my cheek
I was yours
How sudden?
That the love we found so true
deep within each others arms
never to die
HOW LUCKY WAS I?
How perfect
those hazel green eyes
staring right through me
seeing every nuance of my soul
and loving it all
My beating heart
pounding in my chest
the rush of blood to my head
a love so deep
so cherished
so true
My beating heart
fell in love with you!
How precious
the moments of joy you give to me
in those hazel-green eyes
love is all that i see
How tender
is the touch
of your lips upon mine
holding hands
damn baby, you so fine!
a joyful kiss
tender, embracing bliss
eternal love
in the blink of an eye
I made you mine!
2007-03-17 20:29:21 · 9 answers · asked by waterlily750 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
That was pretty good, I really liked the beginning
2007-03-18 15:15:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The meter seems a bit disjointed and it's not very descriptive, but you've mastered one thing, the ability to emote. Try to keep in mind that "simplicity is beautiful", and sometimes the effect of few words carries just as much weight as a page full. Choose your words carefully!!! Tone and syntax are very important in the readers ability to understand what they've read and to relate to it. You do have talent, but remember, practice make perfect. You're off to a great start, so keep up the good work.
2007-03-17 21:00:29 · answer #2 · answered by manbearpig 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well...
if you're very young, and this is your first attempt...then maybe. Sure, it's all cliche and there is no striking imagery, etc....but you've done something few aspiring poets do, and that's link form to content. IE - the choppy, breathless rhythm mirrors the feeling of being in love.
For some harsh but very helpful criticism, try everypoet.com. They have some very active boards, with published poets at the upper echelons - good luck to you. Start in the 'general' forum.
Still...
HIS eyes are light bluish green. (j/k)
2007-03-17 20:37:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eh, Honestly? Try making your lines longer and shortening how many lines there are. It'll help give your poem a little bit more structure so it isn't everywhere. I was pretty good, but practice makes perfect.
2007-03-17 20:39:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It don't rime. Poems that don't rime suck.
Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow.
Every time that Mary went.
The lamb would go too.
See now that's a nice poem rimes and everything.
2007-03-17 20:38:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess. I didn't really care for it. I'm not much on love poems. But what does my opinion matter? If you are satisfied with it, that's all that matters.
2007-03-17 20:35:14 · answer #6 · answered by Becca 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Happy Your in love, but I do not think you grasp the concept of poetic.
2007-03-17 20:34:44 · answer #7 · answered by gwhiz1052 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Aye, I see you be writing poems about me again, lass!
2007-03-17 20:34:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
I'll just say "sure"
2007-03-17 20:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋