My daughter is 7 years old and I've always sat in her room with her until she falls asleep at night...?

Question

Now, when I say good-night and leave her room she cries and cries making me feel awful...Am I doing the right thing by leaving her to fall asleep alone?

Answer 1

I have two thoughts about this. I sit with my 6 year old often. She has 2 younger siblings and this is our time to talk. This is when I find out what happened in school, how she feels about things... anything. We just don't slow down enough all day to really talk and listen. I don't want us to get to the stage where we don't have a private time to talk. I, too, have nights where I have a lot to do or I am just tired.

Because she has 2 siblings some nights it is their turn. Then I am either in the next room or on the other bed in her room. Sometimes she gets a brief visit if they fall asleep quickly. That took some getting used to but she did get used to it.

There were other stages that I thought would never end, like getting up at night (still not fully there with the youngest but we live in hope) and rocking them to sleep. I remember my arms being so tired some nights rocking them when they were 2 years old or so. Now, I don't remember the last time I rocked someone to sleep :<<<.

This stage may also pass and be but a fond memory. I make sure I take time to snuggle up and listen and talk at least a couple of nights a week. She seems to share best at this time, better even better than when we have a scheduled time alone. For that reason I don't give it up completely. I've heard that all too soon these pre-teens don't want to talk to you at all.

I do leave the room, sometimes, before she is fully asleep but after she is talked out. Some nights I have to say "We've talked for 20 minutes. It's time to stop and close your eyes now. " Then I'll sit for another 5 or so minutes till she's settled. I also often go away for 10 minutes then go check. She seems reassured knowing I will check.

Answer 2

This is an awfully hard habit to break, once you start it. My son is 10 and we still deal with bedtime and falling asleep issues. The younger you are able to stop it, the easier it will be for you all in the long run. Ask your daughter what will make her more comfortable - a nightlight, music, door open, etc., but be firm. You have to get to the root of what is bothering her or causing her fear or anxiety. We allow the dog to lay on the floor next to our son's bed until he falls asleep, so now he feels like he is not alone and generally falls asleep quickly and without incident. You may have to try several things, but you will be able to break the habit. Don't feel bad about it - you know she is safe, and she is testing you to see what it takes to get you to come and stay with her. She will be just fine, and will get used to a new routine.

Answer 3

I imagine at 7 years old, she won't be emotionally scarred, but I do stay with my 9 year old until he falls asleep. he just cannot sleep if i don't - he will just stay up till 2 or 3 in the morning.

both our kids slept with us in the family bed, and the older one had his little brother (our now 9 year old) with him when he made the transition to sleeping in his own room. the 9 year old doesn't have this advantage, so i read to him or talk to him until he falls asleep.

it doesn't matter how early i wake him up, for how many days in a row; he won't fall asleep alone.

this could be defined as a problem, but i feel it is more normal and natural for humans to sleep with others than to sleep alone. other primates which live in groups do not send members of the family off alone to sleep at night.

i think our evolved wiring just makes being alone in the dark seem dangerous in a way our rational process takes a long time to overcome.

Answer 4

You waited a long time to start leaving her to fall asleep on her own...maybe try to gradually do this. Try staying with her on weekends only...or let her choose 2 or 3 nights out of a week and its with the understanding that she goes to sleep alone on the other nights without giving you a problem

Answer 5

I don't know how you did that for 7 years! Wow! Well, I say you are definitely doing the right thing by leaving her to fall asleep on her own. She is probably going to have a hard time doing this at her age though. You were essentially her "security blanket" for the past 7 years. It'll be a tough habit to break but you can do it. Maybe you could frame a picture of you to set on her bedside table? Just stay strong, stay consistent and truly believe you are doing the right thing. Otherwise... I can just see her wedding night...! Talk about awkward...! :)

Answer 6

Yes, this is a good lesson for her to learn (she's getting to be a big girl, afterall!) I'd soften the blow, so to speak, by staying with her for a few minutes, to get her settled in, though. Then let her know you'll be in to check on her in 5 minutes (or whatever amount of time) then pop your head in momentarily, once or twice after she's down for the night. If she knows you're not far away, she's less likely to be frightened.

Answer 7

Similar situation here ---

Try leaving a tape or disk of Classical music playing while reassuring her that you are up and in another room until she is sound asleep! Worked for us!

The Ol' Sasquatch Ü

And - yes! One of us was up for an hour or so afterward.

Answer 8

Yes, you are... you probably already know that you are but you need reassurance. I went through this with my first two children. At first it's just easier to get them to sleep that way and then it takes on a life of it's own... They don't know how to get themselves to sleep and begin to depend on your presence.
Good luck! You're doing her a favor by fostering a little independence. You can do the check on her every 5 minutes and stretch it to 10 minutes and so on... just to let her know that you're there... until she teaches herself to fall asleep.

Answer 9

yea, she has learn to fall asleep alone in her room. i would recommend going slow on it, try first leaving her alone once a week then try leaving her more often. eventually she'll become old enough one day and she'll want her privacy at night, sort of like every teenager wants.

Answer 10

Wow, I can't believe this is the parent of a seven YEAR old, not a seven MONTH old with this question! I guess you get the same advice, which is "let her cry it out", but man, I'm sure it's going to be alot harder with a big kid like that! What a dependent monster you've created!