Why Are You Liberal Crackpots So Opposed To Spanking?

Question

I asked initially when I had asked about the Nanny 911....Now, I did not start spanking my child until she was almost 3(she is 3 1/2 now). and this was after attempting time outs alone did not work and sending her to bed were also ineffective. Now, I am not saying that I spank her all the time....But if there is something she is doing that is dangerous (to herself or others) that telling her not to do does not work and removing her from the situation does not work,( ie playing on stairs-she goes right back up and continues her play, or running towards the road and then think it is funny even when you tell her that she can get seriously hurt, but she will go right on and do it again....) I am talking these kind of situations, people. Situations that you have tried other methods and those methods do not get through to your child!!! The day I gave her a few swats and made her stand in a corner were the turning point. I have rarely now had to ever spank her since then.

Answer 1

I am considered a pretty liberal parent--but kind of nutty in that I also strongly believe in spanking. I believe most of the times it is not necessary to punish--warnings and talk are fine. But when there is punishment I think it needs to be effective. I have come to believe that by far the most effective punishment is spanking--and when it is necessary to punish I almost always spank.

My kids are punished less than most kids, but spanked more.

Answer 2

I think that this is such a hot-button topic because it is a continuum that people view through their own perceptions of what "spanking" is. It could be a pinch on the arm or slap on the hand in immediate danger situations only, or it could be beatings for every single minor offense with no explanation, or a million other situations in between. They're all under the umbrella of "spanking". Yes, we spank, about once a month with three children (under age 6). No, we don't spank in violent rages. When our children choose a wrong behavior, we give them a warning and an explanation on why it is forbidden. Although we mostly use time-outs in their room and taking away privleges, we do threaten them with a spanking if it's a serious offense. If they are spanked it is a single slap on the butt. We feel like it is always their choice because they know the consequences of continuuing the behavior. They are not violent children and have never hit each other. We are not abusive parents, and have a happy and loving household.

I also don't think you can make blanket statements about what method will work for every single child, and predict dire outcomes based on what form of discipline the parents use. A parent needs to do what actually WORKS with their own child. Explore options. If what you're doing works for you as an effective deterrent, keep doing it. If it's not working, then do something else.

Answer 3

Many times we have heard parents say, "The more we spank the more he misbehaves." Spanking makes a child's behavior worse, not better. Here's why. Remember the basis for promoting desirable behavior: The child who feels right acts right. Spanking undermines this principle. A child who is hit feels wrong inside and this shows up in his behavior. The more he misbehaves, the more he gets spanked and the worse he feels. The cycle continues. We want the child to know that he did wrong, and to feel remorse, but to still believe that he is a person who has value.
The Cycle of Misbehavior
Misbehavior Worse behavior Spanking Decreased self-esteem, anger
One of the goals of disciplinary action is to stop the misbehavior immediately, and spanking may do that. It is more important to create the conviction within the child that he doesn't want to repeat the misbehavior (i.e, internal rather than external control). One of the reasons for the ineffectiveness of spanking in creating internal controls is that during and immediately after the spanking, the child is so preoccupied with the perceived injustice of the physical punishment (or maybe the degree of it he's getting) that he "forgets" the reason for which he was spanked. Sitting down with him and talking after the spanking to be sure he's aware of what he did can be done just as well (if not better) without the spanking part. Alternatives to spanking can be much more thought-and-conscience-provoking for a child, but they may take more time and energy from the parent. This brings up a main reason why some parents lean toward spanking—it's easier.

Answer 4

The reason that people oppose spanking is there is a fine line between a general spanking and abuse. Spanking says physical violence is OK. But I think when it comes to a dangerous situation like running to the road or touching a hot stove and removing and talking don't get it. A swift smack to the bottom isn't going to hurt them. She'll know your serious. I would rather smack a child in a dangerous situation then have a burned or dead child. But as far as everyday testing your limits no spanking isn't going to get.

Answer 5

The child's self-image begins with how he perceives that others – especially his parents – perceive him Even in the most loving homes, spanking gives a confusing message, especially to a child too young to understand the reason for the whack. Parents spend a lot of time building up their baby or child's sense of being valued, helping the child feel "good." Then the child breaks a glass, you spank, and he feels, "I must be bad."
Even a guilt-relieving hug from a parent after a spank doesn't remove the sting. The child is likely to feel the hit, inside and out, long after the hug. Most children put in this situation will hug to ask for mercy. "If I hug him, daddy will stop hitting me." When spanking is repeated over and over, one message is driven home to the child, "You are weak and defenseless."
Joan, a loving mother, sincerely believed that spanking was a parental right and obligation needed to turn out an obedient child. She felt spanking was "for the child's own good." After several months of spank-controlled discipline, her toddler became withdrawn. She would notice him playing alone in the corner, not interested in playmates, and avoiding eye contact with her. He had lost his previous sparkle. Outwardly he was a "good boy." Inwardly, Spencer thought he was a bad boy. He didn't feel right and he didn't act right. Spanking made him feel smaller and weaker, overpowered by people bigger than him.

Answer 6

Well, I'm a liberal crackpot, too, LOL, but I think, in this situation you described (when she's doing something dangerous), a gentle swat is ok. I would never spank my child, but if she would go on to put her litttle fingers in a power-outlet for example or run out on the street, well, in this case I think, a gentle swat is ok to make her clear, that this is really a "super no-no" to do.

Other than those "emergency-swats", how I call them, my child won't be spanked, but I don't think, that a little swat on the butt or the fingers hurts as much as getting an electrical shock or being over-rolled by a car.

Answer 7

I was almost going to report you because of the wording of your question, but after I read other people's responses I found that several people gave very thoughtful, informative, intelligent answers for not spanking.

I find that people who do not spank, and who are also more for discipline rather than punishment, tend to be more open-minded about using the thousands of other more intelligent, parenting methods out there. I find they are more resourceful as parents than many spanking parents.. They are more educated on their children's developmental levels.

Many pro-spankers keep trying to justify their stance on spanking, and also justify their parents reasons for spanking them as children. They are less coachable. They don't stop for a minute to think that maybe they were traumatized, and after a while possibly numbed by the experience. As adults, once they start having children, spanking is so natural to them. It becomes so natural that it becomes comfortable. They live in their own little parenting comfort zones. .

I tend to agree with other postors. There is no need to spank a three and a half year old for potentially dangerous situations like running in the street or playing on the stairs. You need to come up with ways to safeguard your child, such as by using child-proofing methods. How about installing gates at the stairwell? As for running out in the street, my son has never done this. I simply kept him in a stroller, let him ride a tricycle (in the beginning the tricycle had a stick handle at the back which I could control), or simply held his hand. In other words, just think in terms of PREVENTION.

Answer 8

To people who say spanking instills fear into children: Good! There are things in life you SHOULD be afraid of. Bad behavior leads to very negative things when you are an adult.

To people who say it is violent: Is it violent for your boss to fire you because you are arrogent and won't follow directions, and now you are homeless and don't have any money for anything to eat?

To the people who say it's abusive: It's abusive to let your kids grow up without any discipline!! These kids haven't got a clue about reality. Misbehavior has a sting to it, even moreso when your an adult and your actions have SERIOUS and lifelong consequences.

Child hood is a modeling time for what they will encounter as adults. This is not to say us "Spankers" beat our kids to death, but pain and discomfort (especially emotional, but also physical) is a normal part of life. To avoid all pain or discomfort is not reality.

Answer 9

Many studies show the futility of spanking as a disciplinary technique, but none show its usefulness. In the past thirty years in pediatric practice, we have observed thousands of families who have tried spanking and found it doesn't work. Our general impression is that parents spank less as their experience increases. Spanking doesn't work for the child, for the parents, or for society. Spanking does not promote good behavior, it creates a distance between parent and child, and it contributes to a violent society. Parents who rely on punishment as their primary mode of discipline don't grow in their knowledge of their child. It keeps them from creating better alternatives, which would help them to know their child and build a better relationship. In the process of raising our own eight children, we have also concluded that spanking doesn't work. We found ourselves spanking less and less as our experience and the number of children increased. In our home, we have programmed ourselves against spanking and are committed to creating an attitude within our children, and an atmosphere within our home, that renders spanking unnecessary. Since spanking is not an option, we have been forced to come up with better alternatives. This has not only made us better parents, but in the long run we believe it has created more sensitive and well-behaved children.

Answer 10

It's psychologically scarring to a child to be hit by the caregivers that are supposed to be making them feel safe and secure. Studies have been done on this people! It's the parents who are consistent with boundaries and consequences (that don't involve physical punishment) that have the most well-adjusted, confident and happy children when they are adults.

I don't care if people find it offensive to be called lazy because they spank their kids. The fact is that they ARE LAZY, because using other methods of discipline requires more time, consistency and patience. So, spanking is the easy way out for tired parents who just don't want to deal with parenting effectively.

Answer 11

Children that are spanked often display the behavior elsewhere, eg school or daycare. What if I was waiting in line, and you butt in front of me? What should I do as an adult? Spank you? Why is hitting a child o.k, but hitting another adult is assault? What is the difference? Please explain?