i need parents' help but other people can help too, plz!?

Question

Why doesn't my mother let me have a boyfriend. i'm the only girl out of 3 children and i am in the middle of both my brothers 14 13 and 8. She lets my lil brother have a girlfriend and she's older than him by a year. and if we play around saying that my big brother has a girl shes ok with it but if anybody says (even playin around) that i have a boyfriend she gets mad and says i won't have one till i'm 18. i know i do it anyway butanytime im talkin on the phone even if its with a gurl she says "who is it? put on speaker! let me hear if its a girl or boy!" and i hate it. then when guys do call me they don't let me talk. or they say "sha can't talk, she's in the restroom!" even though im standing right there in the kitchen. she says she trusts me but i know she doesn't! i hate it! i wish i could tell her the truth but i know she'll take it way out of porportion. why is it that she does that??? what can i do for her to trust me?

ps...she's a single mom. my dad is nowwhere to be found:(

Answer 1

Society does a dis-service to women by supporting young males having intimate and sexual relationships but disallowing the same social freedom for women. If women are to be equal they should be given equal treatment throughout their lives.

Females are often denied social relationships and are overly-protected and treated with more strictness because the history is to protect females and limit their freedom out of the mistaken belief that females cannot make good decisions for themselves. Females can also become impregnated while males cannot, and pregnancy can have devastating effects on your education and life.

The best way to prevent devastating effects for females is to increase education and enpowerment. Females your age should begin having relationships with males, but should be ENPOWERED to say NO to sex until you are ready and want to have sex. Females should also be extensively EDUCATED about sexual health including pregnancy and STI prevention.

I am sorry that your mother is practicing the same historical sexism that pervades our society. I know you are just as capable of making good decisions, of choosing good friends and of having healthy relationships as your male counterparts. Just hang in there and some day soon you will be on your own and have that freedom. Until then, your mom is just trying to protect you and is doing something that she believes will keep you safe from her own experiences and that society has historically done to protect females like you from harm and being taken advantage of sexually.

Female chastity has always been more highly guarded and protected than male's, and I believe that when we become parents we can increase female freedoms by not parenting the way that our parents did. Freedom grows more responsible adults.

You can tell her that you are just friends with the boys, that you will not have sex or have sexual contact with the boys and that you will keep her informed at all times of your relationships. Let her know that you want her to trust you and that this way you can learn to be responsible.

In response to an earlier post: That is a really good idea to ask her about why she is worried about your protection from a boyfriend and ask her to explain her concerns about you that are different than for your brothers. make sure that you are not angry or upset in your tone and just talk to her asking for her opinions and for her to open up and share with you the knowledge and hopes that she has for you. It will be good for both of you to have this discussion. Tell her that you really need her to talk to you about this now so that you will always make the right decisions later.

Answer 2

Maybe shes just really overprotective of you? Are you the only girl? It seems as if you are. Trust me you think thats bad? Wait till you actually have a boyfriend... your brothers will be even more overprotective than your mother is!

Did you ever do anything wrong to make her be this way with you? If you did then maybe its just really hard for her to let that something go.

To make her trust you... be as good as you possibly can be. Show her you respect her opinion about not having a boyfriend till your 18. Why you in a rush anyways about having a boyfriend? Your still young and Ill tell you now... every boy you date... you will end up breaking up with because having a boyfriend at age 14 is just ridiculous! Its all bullcrap so why do you care so much about having one?

I think you should sit down and talk to her about the way shes feeling when it comes down to you wanting a boyfriend. Something obviously is holding her back from you and there MUST be a reason why she doesnt trust you. Or maybe shes just frustrated cause shes single and a mom and doesnt have anyone by her side you know? Maybe she doesnt want you to make the same mistake she did! Maybe shes just scared for you and doesnt want anything to happen to you? Theres soo many reasons, you need to sit down and have a long talk with her and see whats up.

I hope I helped, goodluck!

Answer 3

Hi there! I'm a single mom of 2 girls - 11 and 4. The 11 yr old's dad is "no where to be found" also. I bet the problem you and your mom are having has little to do with how much she trusts you and more to do with the fact that she feels she is protecting you from these boys. She probably felt like your dad took advantage of her and is trying to make sure that never happens to you. I would suggest that you really think about what qualities in a boy are important to you and what type of stuff you would NEVER put up with. And how you would handle those bad situations if they came up. If your mom knows you have a clear idea of how boys are to treat you and a plan in case they don't treat you so well - she'll probably feel safer letting you have a boyfriend. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 4

Honey, at 13, youdon't even need to think about having a boyfriend. You need to enjoy and have many girlfriends and enjoy them because when you get out of high school and are dating, you will drift apart from your girlfriends as your time will be take up with weekend dates, and then eventually engagement and marriage and a family. Boyfriends are a dime a dozen, but a good best friend will last you a lifetime.
Mom is probably just overprotective of her only little girl and you need to just be glad that she takes the time to care about who you are seeing. You need to ask her if you can have boys who are just friends and talk to them on the phone and see them maybe as a group whenever your whole family attends (such as roller skating or the movies). Let her know that you are not ready for a serious relationship with a boy, but that you would like to have male friends as well as females.

Answer 5

Your mom probably thinks about her own experiences and tries to protect you from hurt. Sometimes are children think that we do not trust them in reality it is the other young people we do not trust. Also, you have to earn trust and not telling her only takes the trust further away. It is hard for young people to talk to the parent but we protect you and take care of you and watch over you than all the sudden a young girl is wanting to take a risk of growing up. Parents react because they love you and do not want their children hurt physically or emotionally. Girls and Women take on more emotion than boys that is why your brother probably does not get the same response.

Answer 6

Maybe that (ps..) is why she is 'protecting you' ? She knows that when girls abandon a relationship they usually take care of the children and have a more difficult time getting an education so they can be successful in life. She possibly doesn't like the idea of you having to give up any dreams you may have. (What did she want to be before she gave her love, time and energy to taking care of the three of you?) Your brothers don't have the same worry for her. She may think they can leave and do what they want, just like your father did. The reason she may overreact is that it isn't logic (reasoning with the head) for her it is emotional (feelings of the heart). Parents always want more for their children than they have -no matter how much or how little they have.
Try and talk with her but follow the respect rules: no yelling, no interrupting, no blaming and no name calling.

Answer 7

Look honey, your mom only wants to protect you. That's her job as a mother. I know exactly what's going on because I too have a daugther. She is sixteen years old. Her father and I don't allow her to talk to boys on the phone nor is she allowed to have a boyfriend. The reason being is just like the other lady said on your answer sheet. They all want one thing and one thing only. My daughter has plenty of school work to worry about than to be worried about boys. There's gonna be plenty of time for that. I mean ask yourself this question. What's the rush? Is it because your friends have boyfriends? And if so, Why do you want to be like them? Be different. Not only am I not allowing her to have a boyfriend, but I too have five boys and she is the only girl. She has a younger brother too. It's just that I know for a fact that no good decent young man wants a wife that already has kids are a girl that has had alot of boyfriends are that is dum and didn't finish school. I want her to go to college and make something of herself. We do trust her cause she our daughter and we know we have raised her to the best of our abilities. It's the young men we don't trust. Darlin' take your time and enjoy your life don't try to grow up to fast. Having a boyfriend is not all it's cracked up to be. You'll see one day. Good Luck and God Bless!!!!!

Answer 8

I'm a single mom too, and my youngest is 18 now. And I know if you asked her right now, she'd say your too young. Concentrate on your life and school and sports, dance, whatever your activities are that you do after school. Don't just hang out with friends, live your life. Church activities, volunteer work? You don't need a boyfriend, You need to be happy with yourself, and explore what interests you. There is nothing to be gained from a boyfriend at this age. NOTHING!!! Talk to some girls that are successful with life that are between 18-22 years old, and have been there, don't just take my advise. Get a mentor from church, you'll be wanting these same things for your own daugher someday.

Answer 9

I understand where your mother is coming from... I have a little baby girl and when she is your age I'm gonna want to protect her from all the voltures out there call guys that only want sex and that's it. As long as you keep your V then don't worry about it. Also, make note all guys want is SEX and remember that.. I said it and if you don't listen.. here's the I told you so.... once you give it up they leave and then what you go to the next and the next and the next then your are labled easy or a slut... also, just so you know I didn't have sex until I was 19 yrs old so I'm not just saying what you should do and not have done it.. wait.. you'll be glad you did and you won't come home pregnant until at least you are 19 or older... so that's GREAT!!!!

Answer 10

Sounds like she doesn't want you to end up like her.

With three children and no Dad in sight!

She is only concerned about what's best for you.

The boys are only doing what is natural by copying the feelings of the parent.

It is really not a bad idea to wait until you're eighteen, but you could still end up like your Mom!