Alright folks...here's my story...21 years old. i'm a very positive, happy, likeable, funny person. i have a very deep faith in God. i entered into my first relationship at the beginning of November. i'm so picky when it comes to women...i wanted to make sure it was right. i took a chance with this girl. i made it clear that i planned to stay a virgin until i marry...it's my promise to myself and God. she accepted it (or so i thought). our relationship was pure bliss....everything seemed perfect to me in terms of love and romance. over christmas break, she cheated on me...everyone around her was shocked. her best friend told me she had sex with this guy...and i peiced together it was before we 'broke up'. i forgave her, but told her she lost my trust and respect. she wants to be friends, but she doesn't act like one. she says one thing and does another. she's immature and has low self-esteem..why does she continue coming to me? she's with this other guy..she tried to cover it up-i knew
2007-03-17 16:57:48 · 22 answers · asked by chase 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i just want to thank everyone for all the great responses! i can agree and relate to almost every response! they're all pretty accurate about the situation!
maybe i'm too nice of a person for my own good...i felt that i wanted to help her become a better person...because i know that deep down she is a good person...but she's plagued by bad decisions...it has become a habit it seems. she just makes really bad decisions, and i know that i'm a great role model for her...she feels secure and comfortable around me....and i know she doesn't have good role models in her life, because i can see from her mentality and upbringing. i don't want to leave her behind if she needs help..but at the same time..one can only offer so much help to someone who just isn't accepting it. she needs to have more respect for herself..she clearly doesn't. she drinks and smokes weed (weed since being with this guy)..and apparently the sex came a night they were drunk. I think she's blinded by sexual attraction.
2007-03-17 18:20:33 · update #1
she never told me that she loved me...i had told her that i loved her...i know she was close to loving me....but she was always holding back...saying she didn't want to move too fast...and didn't want to get hurt..she was truly happy with me...we've had many serious talks which i've initiated with her...i'm a very open person and can communicate and express my feelings well...she doesn't always like to talk about things...which i know is bad (for me to give information and not receive any)...crazy thing is...this guy says he loves her, and she told him she loves him back (within the past week)..yet i don't think she really means it...i know he doesn't truly love her...if he did, he wouldn't have had sex with her within their first 1-2 weeks of seeing each other (right before our relationship ended)...he's clearly just out for the sex...and she's attached psychologically..she's blinded in my view...but she may just have to wait and see. she doesn't know that i know she had sex with him
2007-03-17 18:26:22 · update #2
she had sex with him, then distanced herself from me (pushed me away)...i think so she wouldn't look bad to those around her...we go to college in one city, and we both live in different states. i'll tell her when the time is right that i know the truth about everything. i've asked her things and she's lied to me...it's possible she thinks it will hurt me...or that she doesn't want me to know because she'll look bad.
either way....i've known all along...and i forgave her...and am trying to help her improve her life (if she'll take it)...but after all i've done...the good person i've been..she doesn't treat me like a friend..and i had a discussion with her about it the other day..i'm not a fool..i know i have to look out for myself and well being..lately she's trying to turn the tables and shift blame onto me (for having talked to her friend)...when i did nothing wrong..it was natural for me to seek answers..and consoling. i think she wants to shift blame to lift weight off.
2007-03-17 18:32:53 · update #3
I am a mom and many years ago when my son was in his teens I told him one time when we had a serious talk, that there are only two kinds of women. One will lift you up and the other will drag you down. Guess which category your lady friend belongs to !
Of course in real life one cannot always tell off the bat what one has .
Some folks put on a good act and make us believe we are lucky to have found a soul mate .
You sound like you had good upbringing and proud parents .
So do the right thing and let the other guy have the big prize . (not)
Make yourself happy and rewarded by finding a gal who is of like mind and one you can trust . Let someone else rehabilitate her . You do not need to expend effort at your age to keep on trying to turn her into different person. Trust me, it will take more than you can spare .
Focus instead on your studies and education. Have some fun of course but keep in mind that you want to become something you can be proud of. Hard work and disciplined principles is the best way .
Just an old lady talking !
Good Luck .
fo
2007-03-18 02:49:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my honest opinion With low self esteem I am led to believe that she may even think you are too good for her and she would hurt you so she leaves. Still wanting to be your friend because she really likes you. Cheating is ultimately inexcusable. Either way if you are meant to be it will happen all on it's own and in time but if it does not at least you have your head about you. Now a day's sex is the single scariest thing I can think of to many people out there ding for it or just giving it away...
I wish you the best of luck with this one...
Love me
2007-03-17 17:07:31 · answer #2 · answered by savannah_smiles25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friendships with ex's almost never work out, especially when there's a serious wrongdoing involved like cheating. Also, if you remain friends with her and eventually start dating someone else, the girl you're dating might have a real (and perfectly understandable) problem with your friendship with the ex. Those situations are very complicated. If this girl cheated on you, then she's not worth risking the success of your future relationships for, and her continued presence in your life is only going to prolong your anguish over things that happened when you were together. It's very difficult and awkward to do, but if you really want to move on and start fresh with a girl who's more worthy of you and more right for you, you have to eliminate this other girl from your life. She may not like it, but that is just a testament to her immaturity- after what she did to you, she has no right to expect your friendship.
2007-03-17 17:04:24 · answer #3 · answered by IQ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude i had the same thing happen to me and she is tring to come back to you to get that trust back cause my ex she was talking to this other dude then out of the blue while i was lying next to her ready to go to bed she told this other guy "I love you baby" and right there everything she had that i gave her was gone you just have to find a that has her mind in the right place and as of your ex decide if you want to be friends if so draw the line and if not just be like sorry i can my respect and trust that i gave you is long gone you should have thought about that before you slept with another man
2007-03-17 17:06:04 · answer #4 · answered by Black Knight 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my suggestion is that u dont really have to be her enemy, treat her with respect. howeever, u said that she s like mercurial, meaning that her mood changes, she says something and does something completely different-a.k.a. hypocrysism- so dont be telling her about ur most personal things, dont trust her the same way u did when u guys were bf's. just treat her like someone u hardly know, because after all, she s just a stranger. if she s constantly lying and not being herself, then u dont really know her - in my opinion, she doesnt even know herself-. well guud luck man, tho i think that s really messed up u waiting to lose ur virginity till marriage. if u want, email me, and i ll answer u back why i think waiting virgin till marriage is really stupid. wish u the best man, and hope the next person u fall for wont be such a dissapoinment.
2007-03-17 17:06:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Goodness gracious, may god help your ex to find the right path in her journey of life....keep your faith still, dear....i believe Dear Lord will tell you to do the same thing...it's not like you are punishing her, but god is....she has to learn from her mistake....and you should let her go on with her life
i'll pray for your happiness and immortal love, amen.
2007-03-17 17:12:02 · answer #6 · answered by Isabel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok this girl is NOT worth your time. she sounds like a slut. no one in their right mind will cheat on a guy who she really loves. If shes trying to cover it up, she just wanted the sex with one of you. try dating more girls and maybe later you will feel better and you can try again. but maybe you can meet another girl and she will be better. good luck
2007-03-17 17:02:21 · answer #7 · answered by Hannah G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she probaly realized there are not many men out there like you. and knows she made a mistake. but it cant be forgotten. and its true there is no respect or trust anymore. so just go on and find someone who will accept you. but honestly it may be hard cause sex is a big thing now. but if the woman knows how to please herself or you can please her in other ways it shouldnt be a problem. but honestly how do you so it??? curiosity...just cause in this day and age it doesnt happen often. but good for you!!!
2007-03-17 17:03:51 · answer #8 · answered by grniz07 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her if you saw he broke down beside the road youd offer to help, but as far as going out of your way to spend time as freinds, no that is over as well.She will have to learn from her mistakes.Tell her she has another fellah now and he wouldnt like it her being with her ex.
2007-03-17 17:04:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The trust is gone, she knew what you wanted and she betrayed you, quickly, let her go and move on, that "special one" is out there waiting for a nice guy like you!! Good Luck!!
2007-03-17 17:03:11 · answer #10 · answered by Suzie- Q 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋