To moms of kids over 18 months.. re:Crying 14 mo old...?

Question

My son is 14 months old. Every active and typical. I am a first time single mom that works alot. My son cries sometimes when i step away from him. I am assuming he is going through a seperation anxiety stage.
My question is:
What is best way to deal with it?
He is crying when I leave with everyone,
he is crying when I am smoking a cigarette on the back porch even though he can see me through the door,
he cries when I walk into another room.
It does happen alot when he is tried... but every time and with everyone when i leave to go to work.
Any ideas or "I wish I would haves..." would be appreciated.

Thanks A Bunch!!
Cathy

Answer 1

I work at a daycare center and have been babysitting for about 10 years now. He is definately going through a seperation anxiety stage.

From experience, the worst thing you can do is try to rush over and pamper him while he is having his outburst. The child then learns that when he cries Mom comes--therefore it's best for you to try to just walk away and let him learn (I know this sounds horrible and is hard).

Make sure that whomever you are leaving him with while he is crying has things for him to do or look at while you're gone. The key is to find something that will make his focus change from your leaving to his new "toy." Maybe he really loves cars or books. I find that picking up a kid and putting him on my lap even if he is screaming and crying can simply soothe a kid.

It'll take about a week or two for him to realize that when he cries Mom won't come running--but it'll in the end be best for both of you. Once he stops you won't have to feel so guilty for leaving him and he emotionally will learn that Mom does come back.

G'luck :)

Answer 2

It is really hard for little ones at this age to understand why you have to leave. Being a single mom makes it worse because you have to be gone so much. Make sure that what time you do have together, you spend lots of time holding and cuddling him. People, especially babies, need to be touched. It really helps. As hard as it is sometimes, don't ever tell him not to cry or to stop being a baby. He has real feelings and if you respect them, you will get further faster. Tell him you just need a minute to smoke, and warn him before leaving the room. He may be afraid you went to work and forgot to take him to daycare.
Does he stay at a big center or do you have some friends and family watch him? Try to have it be the same person all the time. If he goes to a center, always hand him to a specific person. Have a ritual, a special kiss and hug, that you do. He will grow out of it, but it will take some time.

Answer 3

I can understand you would be very upset and worried. Whilst it is easy for everyone to offer advice, my feeling is that you need to continue seeking advice from the professionals. It sounds like you are getting the best help you can for your child and a lot of people don't persue it becdon't they don't want the answers. Im not an expert but by what you are saying, it sounds as if your child is doing ok, my son isnt talking yet, he started walking at 16 months and wasnt eating by himself at 14 months, he loves to spin things too. He is 21 months and I've had him for checks but the Dr's say just to keep up with the interaction and he is ok. Is your son shy? My son has made MASSIVE progress since taking him to gymbaroo (baby gym class), music classes and friends places, often when they see other children playing, they follow and that has been the best development opportunity I can give my son. Im guessing that your son is your first and only child? Again, this has a bearing on development being a boy and an only child. I wouldnt tell you not to worry, because you will regardless but Ive found that being around other children has been the best 'therapy' I have given my boy. Even if he is slower now, he will catch up provided there are no other issues, if they havent suggested there is anything else to be concerned about, I really would just enjoy your baby, all too soon you will be chasing him around!!!

Answer 4

dont you worry, my daughter does the same thing when i go to school and she is at home with my husband. It is normal and he will not grow up to hate you. I know from experience because I have two older kids that I raised on my own for the first nine years and they did it and they got over it. You can let him cry for a couple minutes and then go to him and each time make it a longer time before you go to him and eventually he wont even notice that your gone. As for when you work, ask whoever watched him if he does it all day or if he stops once you are gone. My sitter said that as soon as i left my kids stopped crying and had a good time, and they are very emotionally healthy kids and they dont hate me and they dont have trust issues. Even my doctor said that it was normal. It is just a phase. remember This too shall pass!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

my daughter did that for the longest time and i fealt so bad for leaving her even though it wasnt often because im a sahm but come to find out once i was gone she would play with the other kids and be fine i learned to show up early if i was leaving her with a sitter and give her time to get involved in play with the other kids then when i was sure she wasnt paying attention i would leave and she wouldnt cry at all but at home it is a different story if i went into the bathroom and shut the door she would stand outside and cry the whole time i was in there unless i let her in i never did find a solution to that but luckily she either finally accepted that sometimes i wanted privacy or she just outgrew it

Answer 6

My son had this very bad case of Separation Anx.... He was taken out of 5 day-cares at their request because he screamed non stop... from the time i walked out of the door... until he cried himself to sleep.... and then again until I came to pick him up. He is just very attached to you. I finally found a wonderful lady that stuck with him through it. It took about 3 months... but then he was pretty much cured despite rare setbacks. Do you have the same person watching him daily? If not, I think Id find just one person. He just doesn't feel very secure. Also, if your work schedule changes, Id check to see if they could also get you on a consistant schedule.

Answer 7

I know how you feel, my 15 month old does the same thing and i am home all day with him. but you are absolutly right he is sufering from seperation anxiety, especially at this age. and its probably extra hard being a single mother. Make sure you show him extra attention when he feels like this, make sure you let him know that you love him. during the time that you are with him... not much advice i can give you cos i have the same problem..hehe.. Good luck and let me know if you find the answer ;)

Answer 8

I babysit and one little girl I watch cries until her mom closes the door then she is perfectly fine.
Separation anxiety is perfectly normal at this age, he will outgrow this (how many 1st graders cry when dropped off at school). Preschool teachers and daycare workers prefer that you drop them off, give them a quick hug and kiss and love you and then go go go!
As for around the house, reinforce when he doesn't cry reward that with hugs and kisses and spend time with him, but he also has to learn that he can't always be in the same place as you. Give it some time and patience.

Answer 9

YOu need someone like your pedatrician to help you hear. It seems like seperation anxiety and do you react to him when he cries. I.e. go pick him up or give him immediate attention. That reinforces the behaviour. Below are a couple of resources.It is tough being a single mother with 2 very young children. You are stressed and have to work and this stress is imparted to the children. The book is affordable and the website readable. All the best. YOU are to admired to caring and trying to fix the problem.

http://onetoughjob.org/?gclid=CI212L-t_YoCFQM8IgodzSsUGA

Answer 10

Yes he has some seperation anxiety. Its very normal at this age. But, he will grow out of it, don't worry too much!!