Do you lock your 18 yr old out of the house?

Question

My son came home last night at 5am and phoned me to unlock the door and let him in. He is making a habit of it.

He refuses to take a key on the premise that it is just another thing that he has to carry that he could lose...

I could leave a key under a mat but out house is very exposed to view and I can imagine him coming home "weary and staggering" and making noise.. somone will see where the key is hidden.

He thinks I should leave the front door unlocked... voiding our insurance. We have been broken into before adn things stolen while we were asleep (he was too young to remember) and that is an awful feeling - so I refuse to leave the door open.

Would you just lock him out in the cold and take the phone off the hook? That seems to be our only remaining alternative - until he decides he should take a key with him! Your suggestions please...

Answer 1

You are the PARENT. Tell him to take a key or don't expect to come into the house until you wake up in the morning. This is controlling behavior and he's being irresponsible.

Answer 2

Hi! What a dilema. 1st off, does he still go to school? If not, does he work? If he works and he's not in school, why doesn't he live in his own house? No matter what, he is living in your house, under your roof. That means he follows your rules. But first you have to make the rules. Sit him down, let him know what you expect (i.e. home by midnight, no coming in trashed, use your key, pay rent, etc. ). We owe it to our kids to teach them responsibility. It's really good for them, even if they don't think so at first. Parents usually have a harder time at letting go than the kids do. Some rules in my house were: home by midnight (he was 18, moved out at 20); use your key; no drugs or alcohol; no strangers at night; rent is $75.00 a week or $25.00 if you take care of the lawn; do your own laundry; clean your own room; eat when dinner is ready or get your own food. That sounds pretty stiff, I know. But it worked out okay. He is 24 now and very responsible, working a good job and paying his own way in life. There has to be an element of respect from him. His coming in late and refusing to use a key is ridiculous! But kids will do whatever they can get away with. So you have to be the parent and lay down the law! Tell him the next time he leaves to take his key or risk being out in the cold. And then make sure you DON'T get up and let him in the next time. He'll get the message that you care enough about him to not condone his behavior if it may have adverse effects on his maturity (in other words, GROW UP). It will also teach him consideration for others. Eighteen is not a magical number where kids suddenly mature and act like adults. But it is the age where kids should be held accountable and act responsible. Staying out all night and then forcing you to let him in the house is neither. It's time. He'll thank you for it some day. If you let him keep acting like this, it'll make it hard on him to accept the real facts of life; like bills, and rent and work and oh, yes, the importance of a key ring.....
good luck!

Answer 3

I don't know where to start... your son needs to get a grip and respect what you need from him... TO HOLD HIS OWN LITTLE KEY. He seems very rebellious... he must have a hard time listening to you if he won't even go for a simple key you're handing over to him. The whole thing sounds ridiculous to me. Tell him it's the only option... put your foot down on this one. He's a big boy now. He can open the door himself at 5am. He should feel lucky... a lot of parents continue giving their children a curfew until they are out of the house. Your son sounds really ungrateful.

Answer 4

He sounds like "HE" needs the "wake-Up Call"!!

I doubt if you failed to teach him to be responsible. But, if you need to give some more extended lessons,.....by all means feel empowered to lock him out and let him learn some lessons.

You are not a 5:00 a.m. doorman/woman, and that is disrespectful on his part, and he should also call at a decent hour to let you know he will be home at an ungodly hour.

Actually IMHO, if it were me, I'd tell him to be home at midnight or for him to stay at a friends. These ridiculous hours is when many youths get into big trouble or become victims of the lat night punks looking for trouble.

Either way, he needs to get used to carrying keys. It comes with the territory of becoming an adult, and it's time he recognizes that he's not 13 but 18 y/o.

Stand tall Mom/Dad? Either or Both!

Answer 5

He's of age now, but he's still living under your roof. Tell him to start being more respectful or he can get his own place. Give him a key on a key ring and tell him that's the only way he's getting in from now on. And why is he coming in at 5:00 a.m. anyway, unless he works all night. Even though he's 18, you should still be able to set a curfew since he lives in your house.

Answer 6

At age 18 he should know the danger of leaving doors unlocked not to mentioned the house has been broken into in the past. Sit down and explain to him why its not polite of him to call at wee hours to have someone unlock the doors for him. Alternatively, suggest to him that if he's coming back at wee hours, can he sleep in his friend's house until daybreak whenever you're not being inconvenience? If all else failed, throw in the penalties. First time: $5 deducted from his allowance, 2nd time: $10 and the value goes up. Only then will he feel the pain and realised that you mean business.

Answer 7

In an effort to teach, I'd try not to torture at the same time. I'd provide him a sleeping bag to unroll and a tent to pitch. And I might sell him copies of the house key, $3 for the first one, $6 for the second one, $10 for the third, then $13, $16, etc., just so he knows this doesn't come cheap.

Answer 8

no i would not leave my kid locked out, he is 18--[not 30] the age to stay out late, how about if you leave your car unlocked and leave the house key under the driver's floor mat? or leave your key on the floor just inside your house door, and leave a wire hanger outside, he can use the hanger to reach the key under the door.

Answer 9

Yup. Tell him he will need to take his key (and be sure to not lose it) because the door will be locked and the phone off the hook. (Or, do you have one of those phones where you can turn off the ringer That would be better.)

Tell him he's the kid, and you're the parent, and that its YOUR house, so he'll just have to do things your way, like it or not.

Answer 10

Sounds like he needs a lesson in tough love. Tell him if he wants to live in your house he will follow the rules. Set a curfew, and if he does not keep it, put him out! He has to learn sometime- better at 18 than 38.