They are 12 yr old girl & 8 1/2 yr old boy and they scream and fight 80% of the time. I've run out of fun things to take away for punishment. Time out is a joke! Has spanking made a comback yet?
2007-03-17 14:39:17 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Spank them,they will learn..spanking is NOT child abuse,if it were soo wrong soo many people would be locked up for spanking there children..Siblings are bound to fight no matter what especially boy/girl siblings,if all else fails,use that hand mommy..
2007-03-17 15:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you haven't used spanking and the are 12 and 8 it probably isn't a good time to start. Time out at this age isn't great, either. Sitting them down together to discuss this seriously as a family is what I'd do. Let them know how seriously annoying this behavior is, and set an appropriate and serious consequence for it. I'd start with maybe an hour in separate rooms to start with, then do it every time. Also, during your talk you may want to let each of them talk a little about some of the things each other does that are annoying to the other, have them set some reasonable rules for their relationship, and give them some responsibility for keeping peace in your home. Support their feelings that each should treat the other with respect. (ie big sister needs privacy, little brother doen't need to be bossed constantly). You may also want to spend some time with them teaching them to interact in some positive ways, (a game that is more chance than strategy, like Uno, a craft/hobby they both enjoy). You also might set a reward for a certain number of days with no (major) squabbles (something you will all enjoy, they can decide together during your meeting what it will be).
Being a parent is a tough job, very frustrating in today's crazy world. Make sure they understand how important it is to you and your whole family that they learn to live together more peacefully.
Above all, do not accept that because this is "normal" (which it is of course) that you have to accept it and live with the constant chaos it creates. You as a parent have every right (and responsibility) to correct this behavior. (and be sure you are being a good role model in any interactions they observe you in!!)
2007-03-17 15:00:40 · answer #2 · answered by Robin R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Spanking may be appropriate in your case, although for the 12 yr old you would be pushing the boundaries. The key is being consistent. Kids tend to fight, it's not always negative, so make a clear distinction of what is acceptable and what is not. Try not to let your mood affect your punishment strategy.
2007-03-17 14:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by Dorkus 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think when some kids fight it is a way of getting attention or affection from each other. My two boys would fight all the time.
When my oldest moved out and got his own place out of town, we went to see him. I hugged him and then I told them both to give each other a hug. They sat on the couch without hugging, but shoved and pinched each other the entire time we were there, they were inseparable.
I just shrugged and considered it a form of affection.
As long as your kids are not hurting each other or breaking things, then learn to block it out, or tell them to take it outside.
Determine what is worth intervening in and then punish the one who is wrong.
When mine were little, I did spank them. But they had to do something very bad to get a spanking. I usually punished them.
2007-03-17 15:01:49 · answer #4 · answered by Tumbleweed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Siblings fighting is a thing called "Sibling rivalry". It happens to everyone. You think your kids are bad, I can bet you that me and my sister were worse. All I can say is you can try to seperate them, or make them stick together. However, if you do the second, they will probably just act all nice around eachother infront of you. There's really not anything you can do about it, because it's normal for siblings to act that way. They will grow up and become close though. I know me and my sister did.
The 12 year old is pushing teen. The 8 and 1/2 year old wants to tag along and be like the 12 year old. The 12 year old isn't going to be having that. That's the way it works. I used to want to do everything my sister did. She hated me for it.
2007-03-17 15:51:43 · answer #5 · answered by Annamarie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well spanking may work but I think extra work details for fighting might just work better for you. Every time they fight they have to give you a certain amount of work time. Make them clean the garage or sweep the whole house or vaccuum or rake leaves. Soon they will get along better because they dont want to have to work.
Oh and make sure that when one fights with the other one -both work. This way they cant argue with you that He started it or she started it stuff!!
2007-03-17 18:23:43 · answer #6 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so many ideals so little time if i were in your position i would be looking at this differently. first you have to understand that your boy and girl are learning how the other sex is going to handle them. you know how boys treat girls and girls treat boys. when they are in school they will be hit and pinched by the one that loves them. so take your little guy to the side when they are not fighting and explain that when he treats her that way she will expect other boys to do the same, and would he want some guy to be hitting his sis. then take her aside when they are not fighting and say that people will think she isn't very lady like with this behavior. that it's ugly and does she want people to think of her as the pretty girl that is ugly because of the way she is acting. we all know women like that so give an example. kids are smart you just have to come at them reasonably most of the time then remind them . make them responsible and they will fall in line . basic boy girl behavior helps in this situation he wants to be manly and she wants to be a woman so help them see that there actions are not giving that impression . then spank them
2007-03-17 15:41:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortuneately, they are too old to spank:) However, I always send my kids to their rooms the MINUTE they start fighting. If this doesn't work, I read once that you should send them OUTSIDE to work out a solution and they CANNOT come back in until they have a solution to the problem and can tell you what it is in a civilized way. you cannot help them at all and they have to figure out a reasonable solution all on their own. This way, they're not bugging you and you're teaching them to work out their problems instead of depending on you to solve it for them.
2007-03-17 15:11:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get a whistle and when they fight, blow it and make them go to their rooms. If they have the same room, even better--they have to spend more time together in their room away from you. Because that's really the issue (I have it with my kids), that you don't want to hear them fight. I would send them to where you can't hear them. Good luck, mine aren't that old yet (4 & 5), but they still fight!
2007-03-17 14:44:47 · answer #9 · answered by chelebeee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since the beginning children have fought, and they will continue to fight. My mother use to make me and my sister sit together and hold hands, than tell each other I love you. Than you can do the reverse, make them stay away from each other and not let them play together at all. In other words let them see what it is like being alone.
2007-03-17 14:44:30 · answer #10 · answered by Virginia C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋