Why does my dad hate me?

Question

Hi I'm 16 and my dad hates me he also has no parents since he was 3 they both died. He satrted saying that he wished i was nevere born since like i was 9 he has always been this way to me. But to my sister he is always nice to. she can so anything and she would never get in trouble. nut if i do the same thing i would get yelled at so much. My dad alwayes hates me. Like today he is mad at me and hew wont even tell me why. I just woke up and my borther said that my dad is mad at me. I kno that i dont study alot and my dad yells at me for that but i still get good grades. My dad alwyas says that he wishes i was not born he says i will drop out and he also fights with my mom alot about me. He always get mad at me for no reason espicalyy when i need something important. I have seen that when ever i need to get something he get mad at me. And also in holidays and bdays he is always yelling at me and saying you better be a nicer sonn this year. in my life my dad never said i love you ever.

Answer 1

Your dad has a serious problem. Its his problem, not yours, so don't ever think you've done something wrong.
You need to talk to your mom about how you feel. Ask her what you can do to get him to treat you better. She should be standing up for you.

Answer 2

I don't think anyone can tell you why your dad acts the way he does.

Unfortunately, we don't always get the parents we want or need in our lives. I'm sorry you are going through this.

In my opinion, what is important for you is to do whatever you need to do to make sure that when you are old enough, you can get out of this abusive situation and make it out on your own.

That definately means you need to be sure and graduate.

If you can handle having a part-time job and school then it can get you out of the home (away from dad) and help you build savings for a place to live, transportation, etc. for when you eventually graduate leave.

Many states have job training programs that pay for career training as well as living expenses. You might ask at school or do an internet search on that.

You also could benefit from speaking with teachers and counselors about careers you might like to go into and how to best plan for that.

Is there a relative that likes you that you might want to live with? Since you're almost 18, another relative might be willing to take you on for two years.

I would not suggest doing anything that would get you removed from the home by a state agency unless your life is in danger. You would likely wind up in foster care where you may find a life even worse than what you have now.

Finally, realize that impressing dad isn't going to work. You can't do it. So do what is right because it is right. Be successful because you want a good life for yourself - which you will have one day. One day you won't be around dad - plan for that day.

Answer 3

Are you giving him a hard time? You should go up to him and really talk about how you feel when he says things like that to you. Tell him that it hurts and that you are trying to be the best you can be at 16. Try not to ignore this situation because it can get worse. Be the better person and confront him (don't yell), just confront him about how he makes you feel cause I think he just doesn't know how to handle the situation he's in.

Answer 4

Wow, sounds like a big problem there. One thing I noticed that you said was your dad didn't have parents, growing up. What I know is, when somebody grows up like that, a lot of times they don't really learn how to be a parent, and they don't really learn how to be loving. Both of my kids have this problem. They were adopted as teens, so we're not their first family. It's hard to adjust to a whole new family, to learn to build bonds, and stuff, when a kid learns the hard way that his family is here today, but they might be gone tomorrow. It can be hard to learn how to feel and express compassion, empathy, and love when your early experience with those feelings is that they lead to loss, or that they hurt. Kids who go through that often learn how to be isolated, controlling, angry, and mean to keep other people from getting too close, because the way the kid sees it, they were hurt or abandoned by the people they were closest to.

This might be really hard, but try to stop, when you're not in the middle of dealing with your dad, and think... as much as you feel like he hates you and wants the worst for you... that's probably how he feels at his parents for not being there, or God, or the universe, or whoever for taking them away, and probably turning his childhood into a mess instead of the "perfect life" that everybody else seemed to have. That's where the anger is coming from... not from anything you do.

There's really no easy solution, and it hurts a lot to love somebody who may never understand how to love you back. I know, I go through it every day. Besides family counseling, the only strategy I have for dealing with it is to pretend that instead of hate and anger, that my kids are expressing sadness and fear. Because really, that's what's underneath all the anger and rage and stuff.

The proper name for what it sounds like you're dealing with is Reactive Attachment Disorder. It can be helped, if the person wants help. Early is always best, but if the person is determined to fix things, then it's never too late. If your mom, sister, doctor, or anybody else can talk with him about getting professional help, maybe try that. Otherwise, maybe try to learn from others how to live in spite of this, and above all, make sure you make an effort to learn how to be a healthy parent for your kids, long before you even have kids. This kind of problem can get passed from parent to child, otherwise. I don't know if that really helps, but I just want you to understand, you're not the only person dealing with this kind of thing, and it's not you that your dad hates. He may have a lot of anger, and it may be directed at you, but you aren't the cause.

Answer 5

=[ thats so sad. I dont know the answer to why your dad hates you but just know that there is someone out there that loves you so much and maybe he loves you but doesnt show it for a reason. I hope you feel better soon. Dont let that ruin anything. Keep on going and soon you'll be free and can do whatever you want without getting yell at.

Answer 6

sounds like Dad has some thing he need to handle ,I am sure he loves you ,maybe you remind him of his self and he can't handle ,maybe he has a beef with God for taking his parents at a young age ,sounds like he may need someone to talk to ,but you hang in there ,its hard to tell you whats going on , life ain't nothing but a leasson some pass and some of us fail
if and when you become a parent you already know what hurts so you be the very best you can and never try to get even, it only come back and hit you in the face, try and hang in there

Answer 7

your dad doesn't hate you...sometimes we all say things we just don't mean...but I know they hurt the people we love..This world today has no discipline...and needs alot of attention..maybe he is saying gosh I just wish I never brought you into this horrible world..and you know what if your dad hated you he really wouldn't care if you studied..be live me he only wants the best for you..he See's what you have in you and knows their something good their..Pleas give your dad a chance and talk to him..let him know how you feel..wait till he is in a better mood and just tell him Dad I love you do you really mean all those horrible things ...I need you dad...

Answer 8

It seems to me that he is not your real(biological)dad...so just
keep at school..getting good grades..and Ignore your dad from now on...and just try to be at peace and in good terms with the rest of your family.

Answer 9

Wow. Thats messed up. I have a dad but I don't see him even though he wants to see me. I'm sure he loves you he just has a hard way of showing it.

Answer 10

your dad doesnt hate you.he may hate the things or decisions you make.need to come out and have a talk with him privately. let him know how you hurt over this.