Eloping... yes or no?

Question

I always thought I'd get married in a typical church wedding, but one of my friends and her boyfriend eloped and got married a year ago, and lately I've been thinking that's something I might like to do. I'm not really religious, so having a religious ceremony isn't a big deal to me, but I'm still unsure about the whole idea. I think it might upset my family just 'cuz they wouldn't be there to share it with me and such. I just want to know what other people think about it. Any comments would be appreciated!

I think what I'd like to do is elope and then have a big supper/dance/get together afterwards and announce it. Do you think that would stop people from being upset if they couldn't see the wedding? At least they'd get to celebrate it, right?

Answer 1

Sounds like something that would disappoint the family big time. I sugguest just the ceremony really. A happy moment to look back on for everyone (especially for you two much later down the road).

Best of luck whichever path you choose.

Answer 2

I think Emily Dew had the right idea. It's a big deal. I know that my family would have been furious and his family would have seen that as a sign that we didn't want them in our lives. But we were both only children so this was the only wedding the family was getting and the first opportunity for many in his family to meet me.

Plus it's not necessarily that much cheaper, depending. It is if you use a justice in Vegas. If you get married on an island, you have to get permits and arrange for the minister down there.

I mean it's different if it's a 2nd wedding. Are you paying for the church wedding or are your parents? Cause if your parents are, it's like refusing a gift. And it's different if your family doesn't really care--so I'd talk it over with them. A wedding isn't just about the bride and groom.

It really depends on what the families think. If they wouldn't mind and would be appreciative of not spending the money--sure why not. will save you a lot of stress. but if your MIL is going to be upset the rest of your marriage--completely not worth it!

In your case, you always envisioned a church wedding. I bet you'd probably regret it if you didn't do that. I'd figure out what you really want and if you really want to elope and really don't want a big fancy wedding then talk to all the parents and see if you can talk them into it. But you seem like you'd much rather just not stress so much about it. So do that--just don't stress. Allow yourself to remember that it's just one day and don't allow yourself to get all worked up over it.

Answer 3

Are you engaged? I think this a decision to make WITH whoever it is you're going to marry, because even if it sounds nice to you, the whole wedding deal may be important to them.
My husband and I got engaged and had intended to get married in a courthouse with immediate family involved, to keep things simple and stress free. We then decided to go on and have an actual wedding, but we still kept it small. Planning did become stressful at times, but it turned out beautifully and I wouldn't trade it for eloping our a courthouse anyday. Our families got to share an important day with us, and we have a beautiful wedding to remember.
Just discuss it with your future spouse, decide if eloping is right for you or not. To some people, it's a big deal to have their family and friends there.... to others, they like the spontaneous marriage. Just do what makes the two of you truly happy.

Answer 4

I never understood the need for having a big wedding. I'd rather spend my money on a dream honeymoon than spend tons of money and have months of stress that will culminate in one day. If it's the fancy church wedding that concerns you then just have a simple ceremony at a house or in a park (let nature be your decoration). Eloping may disappoint your parents but if that's what you truly want then go for it.

Answer 5

I can tell you, as a mother, if my daughter got married and didn't want me being involved in that very special day in her life, I would be very, VERY hurt. I'd get over it, because I love my daughter, but if you already know that it would hurt your family to not be there to share that day with you, then why would you want to do it? If you want to go somewhere to be married, then do a destination wedding. Invite only those closest to you and your fiance, and go someplace you've always wanted to go, Hawaii, Europe, Carribean, etc.

You also don't have to be married in a church. I've been to weddings in hotel ballrooms, state parks, on the beach, in a family home living room, etc.

I would seriously reconsider the whole eloping idea. It sounds like you already know it would hurt too many feelings. Your wedding day is a day you should share with those closest to you. You don't have to have a 200 person, massive blow out of a party to get married.

Best of luck.

Answer 6

I would elope personally. Too much money and stuff to deal with the other stuff. Maybe just elope and if everyone is upset have a party or picnic to celebrate. But in the end you have to choose what feels right. You'll know.

Answer 7

If you dont care about missing all the stuff that goes with a wedding then elope. Then have a casual dinner and announce your married. I am sure people will understand. I hope your mother wasn't expecting a wedding. You could have a few tears. But they will get over it.

Answer 8

The way I look at it, it's perfectly fine to elope. A wedding is between two people, so if that's what you want to do, then go for it. People may be hurt, but they'll get over it. The important thing is to make you and your fiancee happy.

Answer 9

We decided to get married in a small chapel (elope) and just have our children and immediate family. Actually not all my brothers can attend, we left it so late so for those ones, we'll celebrate with them later.
Chapels, even in city hall can hold up to 25 people or so, so invite the real important ones and you can schedule a party for another date. That'll keep immediate family happy.

Answer 10

I can see both sides of it and believe me, when you're in the middle of planning a wedding -- religious or not -- and you're dealing with florists, caterers, dress fitters and auditioning bands, it's VERY tempting to elope! Still, I think you only get one time to do it with all the bells and whistles and I think that once we settled into daily married life, I would regret eloping ... especially when attending other people's weddings. You don't have to have a big splashy wedding. You can keep your guest list under 100 or even 50. Heck, you can just get married in your parents' living room or someone's garden! Just consider it carefully from all angles before making your decision. (And as a parent myself, I would be very saddened by not having the opportunity to see my baby get married.)