My boyfriend shared private info with the ER Doctor. Should I be as furious as I am?

Question

I am in an active natural miscarriage which can last according to various sources up to two weeks. This is being managed by a private doctor under a pseudo name because it is imperative I keep my medical record perfect. I went to the ER on Thurs. due to a severe bronchitis and I warned my boyfriend not to tell the staff about my already managed miscarriage. I was not there to be treated for that and I always ask for a specific antibiotic that I knew ahead of time would never affect a pregnancy. My boyfriend made an excuse to get "something" from the car, but instead went back to the admitting clerk and told them all about my "condition", which I considered very private! I didn't find out until the ER physician brought it up with, "Oh, you are pregnant?" I was super traumatized because it really is heart wrenching to explain all over again, NO I'm not. Can someone help sort out these feelings?

I went to the Mayo Clinic ER. They never asked about pregnancy, nor my menstrual cycle during the admitting interview. The ER physician offered zero advice after I briefly described the miscarriage when forced too.

I am applying for very tough positions overseas where a medical record can make or break you in medical background checks. My boyfriend and I had a very frank discussion on the way home from the ER and he is terribly sorry and said he would have done it different again. Thanks for all the answers, beginning to feel better.

Answer 1

your boyfriend is loosing a child also, maybe he was concerned about your health, when my brother's wife had a miscarriage i told him how sorry i was, he started to cry because no one had thought to say that to him, only his wife, there was no outlet for him, i had never thought of it that way, no one ever thinks about the man and their loss, i am very sorry for you, i know how hard it can be, but please remember he is feeling confused too, he made a bad judgment but I'm sure his heart was in the right place, and you two need each other right now, try to forgive at this traumatic time in both your lives

Answer 2

I understand your pain. In fact I share it. Last summer I started a new job things were going great. Got off the pill and bled alot thinking it was normal. We had sex alot thinking we could'nt get pregnant. Then one day I was craving peanut butter and I hate that stuff. Then a few days later I was healed over in pain and bleeding out big clots of purple tissu and stuff. But in all honesty I did'nt think I could get pregnant while on my period and thought is was my appendix. I called telecare and they asked if I might be pregnant and I said I guess so. So I bought a test and I was pregnant. My family Dr. would see me because of the bleeding so I went to the OR only to find out the excitement of being pregnant had been robbed from me because I was infact having a miscarriage and might need a d and c...
Anyway, I was devasted, crying, hormonal it was awful. I'm sure you're feeling that way now. Your record of health is highly confidential and your boyfriend's heart was in the right place. He just wanted to protect you. I think you're angry that you lost the baby and you would have wanted it so much to be true. You're wondering if there is something wrong with you and the list goes on... I think you should'nt put your anger on others but lean on them in your time of need and be upset and sad about the situation and not at them. I don't know why it is "imperative" that you keep a perfect medical record. Imperative is such a strong word. I believe it is infact "imparative that the hospital keep your records confidential and give you quality care. I hope you feel better soon and I'm sending you a hug.

Answer 3

Usually when the run blood tests on women when they are sick, they also check for pregnancy if you are within the age range for pregnancy and because you are a women. Did your boyfriend tell you he told the doctor. Also, you are supposed to be 100% honest when the doctor takes your medical history. You cannot be lying or holding things back. Even if you are being treated for bronchitis. If you had a problem why didn't you go and see your "private" doctor. As a nurse, I would be mad at you for not being truthful during the history portion of the extrance discussion. Anyway, I don't think your boyfriend should have said anything, but I think you should have.

Answer 4

You may not like what he did, but he had your best interest at heart. He was concerned about your well-being. A doctor NEEDS to know that kind of info. Not telling him/her is the kind of thing that can turn a minor medical issue into a major one.

Instead of being upset at your boyfriend, IMO you should consider why you need to be treated under a false name to "keep my medical record perfect." That sounds fishy. It seems as if you have your priorities mixed up (health, or a clean medical record, apparently to put on a good appearance for others?)

Answer 5

Well that is private medical records, and your boyfriend had no right to say that. But it is important to tell what ever doctor you seeing that you are having a MC. That could be crucial in your treatment. And when ever you get pregnant again you will defiantly need to tell that Dr that you had a miscarriage.
I know how you feel about telling everyone though. I had a MC in December and it was really hard to have to tell everyone that I wasn't pregnant anymore. But now I am 9 weeks pregnant and going strong.
Good luck and be patient.

Answer 6

I would be mad also but the doctor did need to know because he could have given you the wrong thing.. and he needs to know about all the medicines you are on. And hate to tell you I have never heard of a miscarriage that lasts that long. None of the 8 I had did.

Answer 7

Doctors need to know all of your information in order to make a diagnosis. You should never assume that one issue is unrelated to another. Also, it is illegal to use a pseudo identity to obtain medical treatment. Also, a natural miscarriage is nothing to be ashamed of and it is important for doctors to know if you have ever miscarried (or had a chemically induced abortion, which could also take a couple of weeks).

Answer 8

He was just worried about you .. but I totally understand, and I think you have every right to be furious. He should have left your medical info private and left the communication with the doctor to you.

I'm sorry about your m/c ... I just went through a natural m/c myself and it was very difficult. I wouldn't want someone else discussing it behind my back.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Your boyfriend was only looking out for your best interest. If your having a miscarriage then you should have let the doctor know yourself.

Answer 10

I would understand why you would be upset by having to explain it all over again, but they do need to know all of your history..and i'm sure your boyfriend was only concerned about you, and that is why he said something.. dont be too hard on him he was only trying to help. I/m sorry for yolur loss and good luck.