please help me with my feelings!?

Question

okay, i'm a teenager, we have two foster kids. (under the age of 2) and we've have them for about 7 months (that's a LONG time!) i keep telling my parents that i'm ready to let somebody else take care of them. but they just tell me i'm self-centered.
but i'm not ready to have kids in the house, and all the toys, strollers, ect. that come w/ haveing baby's. plus they have TERRIBLE attitudes!!! like majorly, so i deal w/ all of this 24/7!!!
they also have special diets, so it seems like they always say "oh we need to go get food for the kids" and seems like there is not a whole lot of food for us, b/c it's like they forget about us. (i have two other siblings)
i also have had to buy my own clothes shoes ect. for this whole 7 months, b/c they have to buy all this stuff for the kids! and i don't even have a job!!!
i'm just ready to have my life back to normal!!!! how can i tell them, and what do i say then they just say i'm self-centered?

it just seems like eveything revolves around them, and like when i'm out with my friends, i have to come home and babysit!

they told us three in the beginning, to tell them when it got to be to much, and i did, ubt they don't listen!??!?!!

DID I NOT MENTION WE MIGHT HAVE THEM ANOTHER YEAR?!?!!?

Answer 1

I can understand your feelings and it must be hard having these babies in your house........

Babies do take up a lot of time, but please as the mature teenager that you seem to be, understand what those poor babies have been through......

They have been taken from there mother for god only knows why, they can never cuddle and get close to anyone because they are taken away and given to someone else.......Try to help your mum and make there short time with you as special as you can, those poor honeys,

The thing is because you come from a secure family home you can say how your feeling to your parents, these children with never be able to anyone........

Its not forever, and maybe if you helped your mum and dad it will free up a bit more of there time to spend with you

Good luck xxx

Answer 2

I understand completely what you're saying. A lot of people will say that you're just jealous, but that is a major change for a teenager to have to go through! I mean, children that small require a whole lot of attention! And 2 of them is doubly bad.
As far as what you can do, sit your mom down & talk to her calmy & as adult-like as you possibly can and tell her how much these kids are affecting your life. I doubt your parents will want to give these kids up. People usually become foster parents for 1 of 2 reasons, either they are only in it for the money, the check they get every month to take care of the kids. Or, they really do care about the kids & want to help them. Either way I doubt your parents will give them up.

Answer 3

I'd consider a different attitude, because you ARE being self-centered. You're ready to have your normal life back? Have you considered how these two little babies are going to grow up, being shifted from home to home when their foster families get sick of them? They've been with you for 7 months. It's time to start considering them family and love them as much as you can. Who knows what a difference you can have in their lives if you would only step into someone else's shoes.

Answer 4

I strongly suggest you read a book called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. It helps people get through difficult feelings/emotions/thoughts.

I suspect that they just like that one phase that kids go through - the infant years. Now that you and your sibs have grown out of it, they lost interest in you and found a replacement.

My dad and step-mother did a similar thing. Once kids started moving out, they started getting into Japanese homestay kids. I figure that they sensed they were failures as parents, so wanted to start afresh with these new faces who didn't know their pasts, didn't know the divorces, the abuse, etc.

Anyway, your situation is difficult for you. Situations change. In the meantime, if you feel pulled to it, check out that book.

Peace.

Answer 5

that'a a pity that your parents apparently did not discuss it with you guys when they were considering adoption of those two kids.

ok, you have the right to feel what yoy are feeling, and it's best that you talk to your parents about it and actually make them listen to you. of course they have a point of view of their own, but try and find something in common. maybe your mom gets tired, too, and she expects that you take care of the kids at the time, but for some reason cannot talk to you about that.

communication is everything

Answer 6

I think you should remind your parents of what they said. Make sure you're talking to them and not yelling or winning. Maybe you can ask another family member to help you explain things to them. good luck.

Answer 7

The Bible’s View

Is Showing Favoritism a Sin?

ACCORDING to the Bible, sin is anything that does not harmonize with God’s personality, standards, ways and will. Since man was created in God’s image, a failure to reflect that image properly is sin. (Gen. 1:26, 27; Rom. 3:23) Does the showing of favoritism mar man’s reflection of God’s likeness and glory? It most certainly does, for “God is not partial.”—Acts 10:34.

Hence, Christians must guard against showing favoritism. It is a sin that can easily ensnare them. In fact, there were believers in the first century who yielded to this sin. The Christian disciple James wrote: “My brothers, you are not holding the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, our glory, with acts of favoritism, are you? For, if a man with gold rings on his fingers and in splendid clothing enters into a gathering of you, but a poor man in filthy clothing also enters, yet you look with favor upon the one wearing the splendid clothing and say: ‘You take this seat here in a fine place,’ and you say to the poor one: ‘You keep standing,’ or: ‘Take that seat there under my footstool,’ you have class distinctions among yourselves and you have become judges rendering wicked decisions, is that not so?”—Jas. 2:1-4.

Consider what James was here saying. Could a person adhere to the faith that is centered in Jesus Christ and at the same time manifest favoritism toward people? This is impossible, for Jesus Christ “gave himself a corresponding ransom for all.” Furthermore, it is God’s will “that all sorts of men should be saved and come to an accurate knowledge of truth.” (1 Tim. 2:3-6) Therefore, it was contrary to the Christian faith for a believer to imply by his actions that the rich were more deserving of hearing the “good news” than the poor.

Yet that is what some Christians were doing. If a wealthy man came to one of their meetings, they would make special efforts to welcome him and to conduct him to a fine, comfortable seat. However, when a poor man in ragged clothing attended a meeting, he was virtually snubbed. He was told in effect: ‘Just stand where you are. Or, if you prefer to sit, seat yourself on the floor.’ The one saying this had such little regard for the poor man that he thought nothing about the man’s having to stand or his sitting on a level lower than a footstool. What did the disciple James call persons who made such class distinctions? They were “judges rendering wicked decisions.”

By failing to welcome the poor man, they were not treating him as a person for whom Christ died and who had a right to come to “an accurate knowledge of truth.” They were evaluating the worth of a man on the basis of his possessions. This was certainly wicked, totally contrary to the view that Jehovah God and Jesus Christ have of people. It also violated the spirit of Christ’s teaching that all members of the congregation are “brothers,” with an equal standing before God.—Matt. 23:8.

Additionally, the disciple James indicated that the showing of favoritism to the rich was unreasonable. We read: “Listen, my beloved brothers. God chose the ones who are poor respecting the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he promised to those who love him, did he not? You, though, have dishonored the poor man. The rich oppress you, and they drag you before law courts, do they not? They blaspheme the fine name by which you were called, do they not?”—Jas. 2:5-7.

The believers to whom James directed his words knew that the majority of those who embraced the Christian faith had come from among the poor. As the apostle Paul had earlier written to the Corinthians, this could easily be observed. “You behold,” said Paul, “his calling of you, brothers, that not many wise in a fleshly way were called, not many powerful, not many of noble birth.” (1 Cor. 1:26) Unlike many of the poor and afflicted who had a real longing for God and who recognized their dependence on him, the rich generally trusted in their wealth. Because the poor had the right attitude toward spiritual things, Jehovah God saw fit to exalt them. In the world, the poor had nothing—no dignity, no influence, no prominence. But Jehovah God favored them with priceless spiritual riches, making them rich in faith, and constituted them heirs in the heavenly kingdom. So, then, it was unreasonable for Christians to dishonor the poor who might come to one of the meetings of the congregation, to view them as being unfit even to have a seat.

Likewise, a person’s giving preferential treatment to the rich was unreasonable. As a class, the wealthy did not deserve it, for their actions did not commend them as fine persons. They were oppressive, harsh and unloving. They were among the leading opposers of Christianity, blaspheming the name of Christ.

Then, too, partial treatment of individuals violated the new commandment that Jesus Christ gave to his followers. The Son of God stated: “I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another; just as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love among yourselves.” (John 13:34, 35) Jesus Christ manifested a self-sacrificing love. He willingly surrendered his life for others. Hence, since the Law given through Moses only required loving one’s neighbor as oneself, the new commandment really called for more. Viewed in this light, a Christian’s dishonoring a poor man was a serious violation of the law of love.

The disciple James stressed this very point, saying: “If, now, you practice carrying out the kingly law according to the scripture: ‘You must love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing quite well. But if you continue showing favoritism, you are working a sin, for you are reproved by the law as transgressors.” (Jas. 2:8, 9) For Christians under the new commandment to show neighbor love for a poor man would be commendable, though not the complete fulfillment of their obligation toward him. However, by dishonoring the poor man, they would be disregarding the “kingly law,” the law of the great King Jehovah, which is also a royal or an excellent law. On the basis of that law, all who showed favoritism were sinners.

Accordingly, if we desire to stand as approved before God and Christ, we must root out of our hearts any tendency to show favoritism. A person’s position in the world, his educational background or financial standing should not affect our judgment of him as a person. Nor should we look down on anyone, regardless of how lowly he may appear to be. If the Most High God views a person as deserving of his love, who are we to say that such an individual is unworthy of our love? That would indeed be wicked. A person would thus imply that he is greater than God.

Young People Ask . . .

Why Is It So Hard to Get Along With My Brother and Sister?

SIBLING rivalry—it’s as old as Cain and Abel and as common among young people as the cold. Not that you really hate your brother or sister. Why, you might even begrudgingly admit having some affection for your sibling, as the following youths did:

“At times my sisters and brothers have arguments and I say I hate their guts, but I don’t mean it. We really love each other.”

“I guess I do love my brother even though I don’t really show it.”

“Deep down in my heart, where I cannot feel it now, I guess I love my brother. Sort of, I do.”

Nevertheless, animosity obviously lurks beneath the surface of these sibling relationships. What may result? A 15-year-old girl confessed: “My sister and brother and I; we would get into so many fights—about nothing usually! Those fights were distressing to everyone in the family, and we were all unhappy.” Some brothers and sisters are even openly hostile. (One teenage girl drew a picture of her brothers and sisters being lowered into a vat of hot tar.)

Why does sibling discord often exist?

In an article in Seventeen magazine, family therapist Claudia Schweitzer gives a basic reason why brothers and sisters are so often in conflict: “Each family has a certain amount of resources, some emotional and some material.” The article continued: “When sibs fight, they’re usually competing for these resources, which includes everything from parental love to money and clothes.”

Yes, having a brother or a sister usually means sharing. Eighteen-year-old Camille and her five brothers and sisters, for example, must share three bedrooms. “I want to be by myself sometimes,” Camille says, “and I’ll want to shut them out, but they’re always there.” Of course, even Jesus Christ had an occasional need for privacy. (Mark 6:31) So you may resent it when a brother or a sister barges into your room without knocking, or when you do not have the room to yourself.

This can be a particularly thorny problem in stepfamilies when youngsters must share with strangers. “No one asked my brother or me if we wanted to have two stepsisters and a stepbrother move into our house,” said one girl bitterly. “They just moved in one day and started acting as though they owned everything. . . . I wish they’d go back to where they came from.”

Then there is the sharing of privileges and household responsibilities. Older youngsters may resent being expected to do the lion’s share of the chores. Younger children may balk at being bossed by an older sibling or become jealous when older siblings receive coveted privileges. ‘My sister takes driving lessons and I can’t,’ laments a teenage girl from England. ‘I feel resentful and try to make things difficult for her.’

How can this cycle of resentment be broken? Begin by trying to overcome any tendencies toward selfishness. That means ‘seeking not your own advantage, but that of the other person.’ (1 Corinthians 10:24) Rather than quibbling over personal “rights,” be “ready to share.” (1 Timothy 6:18) This may be very difficult. But one researcher reminds us: “The advantages of having siblings [including stepbrothers and stepsisters!] outweigh the disadvantages. The presence of siblings affords a situation in which the child can learn to get along well with other children. He learns the lessons of give-and-take, to share his possessions.”

Too Close for Comfort

Seventeen-year-old Diane grew up with four brothers and three sisters. She says: “If you see one another every single day, day in and day out . . . And if you watch the same person every day do the same thing that annoys you—that can get to you.” At times, though, our own flaws add fuel to the fire. Young Andre says of himself: “The way you act at home is how you really are. When you go outside and associate with other people, sometimes you put on a whole different attitude. But when you’re at home in an environment you’re used to, you act the way you really are.” Unfortunately, ‘acting the way you really are’ often means dispensing with politeness, kindness, and tact.

The book The Private Life of the American Teenager further observes: “It is often more difficult to get along with people who share some of our characteristics and who know all our shortcomings and pressure points.” True, if you share a good quality with a brother or a sister, you may be drawn to that one. But what if you share negative qualities? Proverbs 27:19 says: “As in water face corresponds with face, so the heart of a man with that of a man.” When we see our bad qualities reflected in a sibling, we often resent the reminder and become hostile.

How can you maintain peace? By following the Bible’s counsel to ‘put up with one another in love.’ (Ephesians 4:2) Rather than magnifying a sibling’s faults and flaws, apply Christian love, which “covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) Instead of taking family members for granted and being abrasive or unkind, put away “wrath, anger, badness, abusive speech,” and “let your utterance be always with graciousness.”—Colossians 3:8; 4:6.

‘Mom Likes You Best!’

Probably the greatest battle between siblings, though, is for the affection of their parents. Admits professor of psychology Lee Salk: “There’s no way a parent can love all her children exactly the same because they are different human beings and inevitably elicit different reactions from us [parents].”

This proved true in Bible times. The patriarch Jacob (Israel) “loved Joseph more than all his other sons.” His brothers became particularly resentful of this fact when Jacob “had a long, striped shirtlike garment made for” Joseph, evidently the type of garment worn by a person of rank. (Genesis 37:3) In time their jealousy erupted into murderous hatred. It may likewise hurt if your parents seem to favor one of your brothers or sisters. But some take out hurt feelings on their siblings!

Overcoming Jealousy

Sibling jealousy is often a result of the fact that “the inclination of the heart of man is bad from his youth up.” (Genesis 8:21) And “out of the heart come wicked reasonings.” (Matthew 15:19) A young woman named Lynn recalls how she became so jealous of a younger sister that when she broke her arm, Lynn accused her of doing so on purpose! The supposed reason? So that she could get out of helping Lynn fold sheets. Obviously, Lynn’s hostile feelings were more a result of the deceptive reasonings of her heart than actual circumstances.

The same can be true when one is jealous because a sibling is favored by a parent. “Jealousy is rottenness to the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30) And often there is no real reason for resentment to begin with. In the case of Jacob, remember that Joseph was the son of his beloved dead wife Rachel. Of course he felt especially close to this son! Yet Jacob’s love for Joseph obviously did not exclude his other sons, for he expressed real concern for their welfare. (Genesis 37:13, 14) Your parents may similarly be drawn to one of your siblings, perhaps because of shared interests. This does not mean, though, that they do not love you. So if you feel resentment or jealousy, realize that your imperfect heart has simply got the better of you. Work to overcome such feelings.

Having a sibling does not necessarily mean sibling rivalry—especially if you make a real effort to apply Bible principles. True, having siblings has its problems. But ‘the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.’