In my last couple of questions, I mentioned trust and relationship. I have difficulties trusting people and developing all kinds of relationship, because I have been hurt and damaged so much in my childhood, I am scared and shameful about my past. Now, as I was told and I realised, I need to start healing now and live a bright future that I can choose. I want to develop some valueable friendships. Do you think a true friend should be told my traumatic past and accept it as part of me? If yes, what should I also be aware of?
To answer this question, could please you also read the questions I asked before, especially the one titled----Do you think this is childhood abuse? the damage is permanent.?
Thank you very much indeed.
2007-03-17 10:38:55 · 9 answers · asked by Riverc 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
When I make friends I have boundaries set to safe guard me. When I first start a friendship my boundaries are way out there, I get to know someone, see who they are, and how they treat others. As the friendship grows in a positive way, I bring that person in closer. This continues until I feel that they are at an ok distance. I do not share my personal tragedies with everyone. What happened to me, the pain I have went through is something I share with my closest friends. I don't put my past history on display for everyone because I don't trust everyone. There are people I work with who have no idea about my private life because I keep it private. The women's group I belong to is the same way, I don't share my deepest secrets with all of them. So to me, it's how I treat myself that reflects on how I let others treat me. If I show myself respect I will get the same from the people I allow in my life.
And when it comes to my secrets I have a select few who really know me and it's a good feeling that they do. I don't allow the past abuse in my life to run my present or future. I don't allow it to have rent space in my head. I did however go to therapy for many years and I worked through my issues. Now that doesn't mean they don't bother me sometimes because they do, I am human. I just choose to focus on the positive in my life now.
2007-03-17 10:50:11 · answer #1 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'd like to start off saying that I am terribly sorry that you have such an awful past. I don't have a great past either. I always tell my friends and others who I talk to to never look back in the past, but make sure you learn from past mistakes and don't look into the future because then you just become more vulnerable to disappointment. I believe that if you truely want to heal and you are determined, then go for it. But you have to make sure you are ready. I definately believe that a true friend should be told about your past. I know from my own experiences that it relieves you of much stress. I also know from my personal experiences, make sure that your "friend" is a real, honest friend, not someone who you think is your friend, but not really. You want to know that just because you may have a "bad" past, doesn't mean things can't change. That is all I can really help you with. Good luck, though!
2007-03-17 10:59:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course I'd be willing to make friends with a person who was abused in childhood. To a certain extent, we all were. You do need to start healing, but the route to go is not with a good friend. Many people cannot handle what you might tell them and really freak out and tell others their take on you-grossly exagerated. You need to go to a counselor to talk over your early abuse. The damage is not permanent, but you will always know what happened to you.
2007-03-17 13:20:49 · answer #3 · answered by Terry Z 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, you do no longer say no remember while you're her age or older, or no remember while you're a relative. the more suitable ingredient is be her pal an permit her share with you. there's a self-discipline code in each and every kinfolk, some worse than others. I lived in a strict domicile and that i observed abuse, and with my faith, I have been given with the aid of issues. My mothers and dads are lifeless now. you are able to think of in the journey that your pal exhibits her sexual selection she will have the skill to sense rejected despite if the mothers and dads do no longer say something. She appears like she desires somebody to communicate to, perhaps a school counselor. returned, from very own journey i comprehend whilst i replaced into routinely asked if there is something approximately my kinfolk i had to debate I mentioned no. area of transforming into up and discovering to be in charge is discovering to type with the aid of your guy or woman desires and instructions. Does she circulate to a church? Prayer facilitates plenty, if she will have self assurance it does.
2016-10-02 07:16:43 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many things that can caues permenant damage to children, not all of them are abuse... (i just read your previous question)... Parents can love you, and try to do what's best and still be wrong... people aren't perfect, you can't expect them to act perfectly... you make your choices now, she doesn't make them for you...
You need to tell people what you feel they should know, when you feel they should know...
I was physically abused as a child, and there are a few people in my life who know... my experience is details arent what matters, just knowing that you were affected is enough...
2007-03-17 11:38:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I think you should FIRST develop friends being the way you are now. Whether you tell about your tramatic events in your life is something you have to do balanced on how well you think the relationship or friendship is going.
2007-03-17 10:46:54 · answer #6 · answered by Peter P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. AUGH. i hate myself. i wrote a lot....but it didn't show for some reason. but in short,
Your mom seems to be changing. She seems to be reaching out for you, now that she's accepted you as her child, and as a normal one (not that you were ever abnormal. it's just that she was probably trying to change what she thought was an abnormal child)
also, build a friendship first. get to know your friends. see which ones are for talking, and which ones are for hanging out with. Pick the ones you want to talk with. And when you talk, you can give directions, like "just listen" or "give your comments on this". Don't be afraid to reach out.
Also, keep God in mind. YOu might think that god is fake, but that's why you need faith. his love is bigger than all the motherly love in the world. And trust me, you mom's love is probably yearning to be given to you right now.
2007-03-17 11:23:47 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was abused in every way by my family members and molested and raped by my uncle in 2004
but I'll be friends with that person
2007-03-17 13:20:00 · answer #8 · answered by mkandfa4rever 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey if u need a friend i am here dogmicjoe@yahoo.com. try also seeing a therapist. there is one online metanoia.org and call 1800 lifenet. it is abuse.hang on.
2007-03-17 12:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋