Why is everyone so hung upon elaborate weddings?

Question

My wife and I were married by a j.p. in his back yard. we spent less than one hundred dollars on our wedding and went on a camping trip for a honeymoon. We spent our money buying land where we still live.I can't understand the reasoning behind a fancy wedding. The money is gone and you have nothing but some prestiege to show for it.

Answer 1

Not prestige, memories. I only intend on having one wedding. Although I dont want to spend $50,000, if thats what it takes for me to have the wedding of my dreams, then so be it.

Answer 2

I agree. I think that dream weddings most brides talk about are perpetuated by romantic movies, fairy tales, and of course, the wedding industry. No matter whether you get married at the courthouse (where my fiancee and I are going in May) or in an elaborate ceremony, the end result is the same.

Some people say that the wedding has to be elaborate to start the wedding off in a positive way. But I hardly think that wasting thousands of dollars (even $6,000) and dealing with the stress that comes with planning a wedding is good for a marriage. What is good for a marriage is saving your money and getting the bills paid.

Marriage is about two people, not about trying to outdo everyone else. If a big celebration must be had, I think it should be for the 10th anniversary, when you've proven that you can go the distance. That's something to celebrate (and something very rare).

To go into debt for a wedding is crippling the marriage before it even begins.

Not to mention that there is something unnatural about the whole wedding ceremony: to spend thousands on a dress you'll never wear again, to make your groom dress up like a penguin, to make your friends dress in coordinating colors...when does this ever happen in real life except at weddings? My thought is: keep it natural. Do something that says something about the bride and groom's personalities (and I'm not talking about monogramed napkins). Traditional weddings are all the same. Why not do something that is unique and isn't caught up so much in the material world?

Answer 3

Not everyone is, have you not read most of the comments here? Almost every time an "elaborate" wedding question is asked the answers all say "Keep it simple". It's not possible in some countries to get married by a J.P in a garden and to keep the cost that low, for example I'm trying to book a registry office and am getting quotes of £500 for an hour room hire!!! In the end it is down to what the couple want, and what their budget allows, believe me if I had £70million in the bank I would not be worried about what I spent on my wedding.

Answer 4

My DH and I spent just under 35K on our wedding last May. It was 100% my fault (I had to have THE perfect dress, THE perfect venue, THE perfect menu, blah blah blah). We were able to afford it (we paid for the entire wedding ourselves) and it felt soooooo right (and necessary!) the time. Was it practical? Hells no! Now we're thinking about kids and we are just sick about how much money we spent on our wedding....if we had invested that money instead, we could have financed a year of an Ivy League education already. But anyway, back to your original question, I believe people spend so much money because it fulfills a certain dream they have/had. I myself had been dreaming of my wedding day since I was 8!!! Now I'm almost 31, so that was a lot of dreaming hehe. I wish I had your pragmatism my friend, but when it comes to weddings, all logic and reason go flying out the back door for some women (myself included).

P.S. The really snooty ones have lavish weddings "just to keep up with the Jones'" That I will never understand!!!! :-P

Answer 5

I was married by the justice of the peace. After 4 years and a child together. We thought logicial, raising our family and putting our hard earned money towards a house. My in laws did the opposite, and are unforunately unhappy now with each other. It's sad people believe that putting on a show is more important. I don't care to keep up with the Jones', I think that's pure foolishness. This is why the divorce rate in this country is over 50%. Sad, sad, sad.
Just remember that your wedding is a day, after it's all said and done you have to live together for the rest of your lives.My grand parents were married for 40+ years. That's what marriage is all about.:-)

Answer 6

I totally agree. I am planning my wedding and I am refusing to loo in any wedding magazines as I know it will make me feel pressurized and bad if I don't spend $40,000 on a big wedding. It would just not be me but it would certainly fit into the 'Martha Stewart' style of wedding.
The two weddings I have been to have been simple and relaxed in friends back gardens. It has been lovely and memorable.
I also stay away from British and American bridal forums and stick with the New Zealand ones as they are much more relaxed!

Answer 7

I too did not have an outrageously expensive wedding but it was around 10K. It was absolutely gorgeous and I'm very glad we did it. I loved everything about it. In fact, I spent a lot of time and effort coming below my budget for a wedding with 150-200 guests. Though everything was perfect and I've often said if money was no object, I dont know that there is anything I would have changed.

I am my parents only child and this is what my mother wanted to do. People often say Why didn't you spend it on a house? But they don't seem to understand it wasn't my money to spend. It wasn't my call. This money was a gift. My mother wanted to have a beautiful ceremony. Our church had just spent over a year on a new sanctuary. I was the first bride to walk that aisle. My husband's mother wanted a beautiful ceremony as he is an only child as well. Yes I could have been rude and told them my husband and I didn't want their church wedding--neither of us are very religious. But it seemed such a small gift for them to give them something that really mattered. A small compromise on my part, as these would be my in-laws for the rest of my life. Many families have a member elope and it causes resentment in that family for years. I know if our mothers hadn't been at our wedding, they would never have gotten over that.

Also my husband has a very tight-knit and very large family. His father was 1 of 10 kids and my husband has over 50 first cousins. It would have been outrageously rude and unacceptable in his family for us to just decide we didn't want to see any of them on this most important day in our lives. My husband and I had been together 9 yrs but still this was the first time many of them got a chance to meet me. To not invite them would have been more than just a small slight.

To some families, eloping or a justice of the peace ceremony is not a way to save money, but the exclusion of your family and the beginning of isolation and seperation. It sounds like you were paying for it yourself and she was not an only child. That is fine if the circumstances of your family are having you pay for it yourself. Traditionally the brides family is paying for the ceremony and it is very rude to tell someone "I love your gift but can you just give me the cash instead"

I just want to point out that there are 2 sides to every story and to assume that brides whose family have a wedding that costs more than $100 are selfish and demanding, and just doing it for a show is just not true. The cost of the wedding has lil to do with divorce rates.

I'm glad you and your bride are happy with a backyard ceremony and a camping honeymoon. However, if your bride had HATED that idea would you still have done it? It's important to find something that makes everyone happy. Yes it needs to make the bride and groom happy, but the family needs to matter as well or the relationship isn't likely to last.

Answer 8

i do no longer think of absolutely everyone seems to be hung up on huge tricky weddings. in fact, many of the questions I examine out right here on YA at present are asking a thank you to do each and every thing at the cheap from nutrients to the gown. there is not any cut back to the quantity of attempt it takes to do issues at the cheap at present. The magazines and celebrities on the different hand in those wedding ceremony magazines and the completely out of touch media proceed to indicate that the hassle-loose fee for a marriage is approximately 15 to 20K. that's absolute nonsense. the hassle-loose guy or woman at present is picking to have a small wedding ceremony with fewer human beings and spending under 3K picking fairly to make a downpayment on a house than lay our a fortune on sometime - which by employing the way isn't indicative of in case you will stay married in any respect. My fav wedding ceremony question on YA is in fact is going some thing like this: "is it very nicely to get a cake from Walmart for my wedding ceremony?" next situation coming would be, "will my lady pal like it if i'm getting her engagement ring out of a gumball device?"

Answer 9

That's right, YOU don't understand the reasoning, but it is important for some couples to have the big ta-da wedding-I am not among them, but you had the kind of wedding you wanted, why is it a problem for other to have the kind thay want? Each woman has an idea in her mind of what her wedding should be like, and no matter what that is, I think it's nice if it can become a reality. We are getting married in StThomas-beach, barefoot...and having a reception locally 4 months later...its a clambake! I can't wait for it all! It's going to be fantastic and fun, but my cousin is getting married next month, and she's going all out--we're both happy with our plans, despite the fact that she's serving fliet mignon, and I'm serving hotdogs! To each her own!

And even with my casual menu, etc, it will probably cost over $20,000. when its all said and done. I tried to get my fiance to be more budget conscious, but he said he doesn't want to worry about the money, and he will pay whatever it costs to have the wedding of HIS dreams!

Answer 10

That's every girl fanasty to have a big wedding. I am getting marry in September of this year and I am have a big wedding but I am not spending alot of money about 6,000. It depends on what a lady want at her wedding. A lot of lady do not do the research when they are buying things, I did and that's how I spend that much. I am getting the wedding of my dreams but I put in research before I spend alot of money on other people (the guest).

Answer 11

I agree....people tend to forget that the marriage is based on how hard you work with each other. Not on how elaborate the wedding is...then a few months down the road they are shell shocked into believing that everything is suppose to be happily ever after.......I know our marriage was built with one brick at a time....even if a few windows were broke...we learned to fix them together;) It is nice to know there are some people out there that feel the same way!