bad parents and abuse?

Question

I feel so mad that my mom is still living with my dad. They argue every day...since I can remember. I see my dad verbally abuse her every single day! I've lost all respect for my dad, and I feel so guilty!! Because that's just the way he is. Always being negative!! I hate it. My mom once said to me, "this is because of you." She blamed my dad abusing her...on me. I was a helpless child in elementry school!!! And I witnessed my dad hitting my mom in middle school...almost hitting her on the head with a shoe. Screaming, arguing...Do my parents really love me???

To this day, living in this house...all they do now is verbal abuse. I am effected by this, should I go into counseling? My sister always asks me why don't you love them... she doesn't understand what I went through.... is it wrong that I find it hard to love them?

I feel like my family ever did to me was abuse. I feel like the black sheep of the family. Like I'm the only one who got abused by my siblings and parents. Even my younger brother verbal abuses. I have no confidence, low self-esteem, and get nervous around people.

I was also abused by my oldest sister. She hit me and told me not to tell my mom when I was little. Last time she did it--last year, I told her I'd call the cops...and she finally stopped threatening me. But she does from time to time verbal abuse me. Should I go into counseling? And why is my family so hateful?

Why am I the only family member who sees this and wants help?

This whole family thing's making me depressed. I cry everytime I think about their bad behaviors towards me. They say they "love" me, but I don't believe them anymore.

Answer 1

I am sooo sorry about all this! I completely understand why you would have a hard time loving them. But trust me, it is NOT your fault! They can't blame you for their own problems! I would suggest going to a counselor, or therapist. They would be able to go deeper into the problem, and help you feel better! Good Luck!

Answer 2

Sounds like you are a smart young lady.It is not your fault at all!!!!!! You have been singled out because you do care about what happens and are affected by it.Yes you really need to talk to a professional counselor or therapist.I think your parents do love you but are just too busy with their own disfunction to show you and your siblings any real love.Your brother and sister also need help especially if they are physically abusive too.This behavior is not acceptable and do not tolerate it.May God Bless and Good luck!!

Answer 3

hay i feel u. i go thru it 2. my parents are getting divorced. my mom commited adultery my dads an alcoholic. my mom acuses me of the source she says its my fault. she says my dad abuses her and makes false accusations. the police see my dad as the bad guy but its my mom's fault. i didn't tell my mom when i got my period. i have no friends at school and i can't talk to her about anything. i feel like she doen't love me. my dad is really nice though and i wish i could live with him. i am on meds and have been since i was 10 because i am so depressed and sometime suicidal. hang in there. e-mail me if u want to. counseling didn't help me but if u want it give it a try. i don't love my mom and i don't see anything wrong with it it just hurts when i need someone and i no my dad wont understand. best of luck!!
~brittany

Answer 4

well forstarters dont feel alone there are alot of people out there who go threw this and i dont think there is a hole lot of people who cant say there familys are messed up i would call social services and have them to place you some where ,maybe with a grandparent and they will make parents go get counseling , and they will do house checks on you once you are back in the home to see if it is any better

Answer 5

it is never the child's fault! many times in a family only one of the children gets the abuse and is made to be the 'scape goat', get help now, your mental health is at risk, read the book ' a boy named 'it'
he was the only terribly abused child in the family,
do not allow your family to treat you this way any longer go to the police and to your principal.

Answer 6

your parents love you they just dont love themselves very much...counseling is cool it cant hurt....just breathe deep and know that you cant control that b.s. that you are being the best person youcanbe ona daily basis.love works 2 ways and sometimes you just have to remove yourself from it in order to understand it.so listen your not alone...ever...I went through similar parental horrors.you can only try to break the chain of dysfunction prevolent in everyones family at some level.

Answer 7

It's not wrong one bit, I really didnt love my mom when she married my ex stepdad because he use to always accuss my mom and i about stupid stuff so i completely disrespected my mom after that. Now that their divorced i am slowly starting to respect her again. Maybe you should go to counseling about it, you'll feel so much better afterwards. Good Luck!

Answer 8

You need to get some help..I was abused by both parents too and my mother didn't want me (she told me to my face), it hurts, but get to a therapist and get some help...you can hate your parents, it's allowed, but don't let it eat YOU up.

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Answer 9

You need to talk to your counselor at school. He/she can help.

Answer 10

I are not a victim, you can change your future and yourself the moment you face this and change this. First of all you have to get out of that house, move out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a similiar situation to yours, it felt wrong, deep inside I always knew that this is not how it's supposed to be. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and closer to God. Use this pain, to be a diffirent person, unlike your surronding.

Here Some prayers, that I love for you:

Loving God
protect me with
Your Love,
Prevent others
from viewing me with hostility.
Never allow
the negativity of others
to influence my life
or affect my destiny.


Oh how much good
I've lost
in losing control
of my anger;
such a large portion of life,
so much growth
I've let slip from my hands
by allowing my burning thoughts
to get better of me.
God,
teach me to let go.

God of wonders,
You've given me
the most wonderful
of all gifts--
the gift of free will.
May my will never deviate
from Your holy Will.
Guide me always,
so that all the choices I make
are good ones---
choices that are
in harmony with Your Will,
as long as I live.

God of unfathomable goodness,
the history of human agony
haunts my soul;
ashes, blood, and cries
pierce my heart;
diabolic schemes of oppressors
plague my mind.
Grand me an extra measure of
strength,
understanding
and faith
to help me find You--
to discover Your Light
midst the blinding dread,
through the revolving horror.

God, perfect God--
You created me
destined for perfection;
how far have I wandered
from that destiny!
How much of my purity
have I squandered
through careless, thoughtless,
self-centered behavior--
behavior wanting in morality
and holiness.

Overcoming Doubt

My vision is distorted,
loving God of truth.
I want to see clearly,
but my heart leads me
through twisted, convoluted paths
of misunderstood impressions.
Straighten those paths
so that I can strengthen myself
in the conviction of my beliefs.


Troubles

Kind, Loving, Mighty God:
Stretch out Your hand
to strengthen me.
Lift me up
from my abyss;
right my wrongs;
turn my every failure
into success.
Look upon my troubles
and say,
"Enough!"


Oh, God
Your Creation resonates
with holy sounds
Let me hear them all.
Let them penetrate my heart
and rouse my senses;
the jangle of a charity box;
the voice of an faithful teacher;
even the intonation
of my own sign
when I cry out to You--
all these sounds are holy.
Oh, God
let my heart hear them all
and be uplifted.

Ruler of the World,
grant me truth!
Spare me from the lies of others,
Help me stop myself
from lying
to others
Save me
from lying to myself,
and spare me
from the lies
of my own illusions.
Oh, God
never let me live a lie,
even for only a moment.

Center of all existence
help me find the way
to that sacred sanctuary
within myself,
to that precious center of my existence.
Help me discover
my place in the World--
that space where I truly belong,
that space which belongs
unconditionaly to me
Dear God,
I've wandered for so very long,
Help me find my way
home.

Harmful Words

O God,
help me avoid
every abuse of speech.
Let no untrue word, escape my lips.
I pray that I never
speak badly of others,
or speak empty words of flattery.
Help me stay away from profanity.
Teach me, dear God,
when to keep silent
and when to speak;
and when I speak O God,
save me from using
Your wonderful gift of speech
to humiliate or hurt
anyone.


Sensitive Speech

God of understanding,
guide me,
for my own words sometimes
baffle me.
When I relate to those around me
insensitively;
when I hurt,
embarass
or insult them;
when I speak with a callousness
that causes pain;
when I lose myself
in my own ego----
God, pull me back to reality.
Help others understand
that I too am in pain,
and let them be forgiving.



In Thanks

God, ever my only Support,
You've taught me to pray----
to sigh,
to cry,
to awaken true, meaningful words
from deep within:
words that strengthen;
words that easy my pain
and heal my wounds;
words that dispel darkness.
Thank You, God,
for opening my lips
and for teaching me
to seek You
through prayer.



Focused Prayer

O dear God,
how I want
to pray,
but the distractions
are never-ending.
Please----
help me overcome them.
Help me be
wholly focused.
For once
help me pray
only true,
totally hearfelt words
to You,
dear God.



Perception: Body and Soul

Holy One,
grant me the wisdom
to bring harmony
to the alliance
of my body and my soul.
Let them rise together
in my devotion to You.
My soul perceives Your light----
let my body discern it too.
My soul sounds Your praise----
let my body sing it too.



Wise Counsel

O God,
how can I make my way through
the confusion
and uncertainty
that cloud so much of what I do?
Guide me to wise teachers and mentors,
whose advice is pure
and in tune with Your Will.
Guide me to true friends,
whose counsel is caring
and promotes my best interests.
Guide me to clear, correct decisions,
to conclusions that are sound
and free of all doubt.



Clarity and Assurance

O God,
grant me clarity
and assurance
in whatever I do.
Teach me to trust in wise teachers ----
to learn from their insightful words,
Teach me to trust in true friends----
to treasure their care and concern.
Teach me to trust in myself----
to judge my own course
correctly,
and so to live
with conviction
and hope.

Miracles of Nature

Dear God,
open my eyes
to see
the countless amazing miracles
You perform for me
constantly.
Open my mind to understand
that what appears to be
the natural order of things is in truth miraculous
in every way,
Your guiding Hand
directs and empowers me
in everything I do.



Recognizing Life's Miracles

Open my eyes,
O God,
to the marvels that surround me.
Show me the wonder
of each breath I take,
of my every
thought,
word
and movement.
Let me experience the miracles
of the world I witness----
ever mindful
and always appreciative
of all that You have made.



God,
I stand beaten and battered
by the countless manifestations
of my own inadequacies.
Yet we must
live with joy--
overcome despair,
seek, pursue and find
every inkling of goodness,
every positive piont within ourselves,
and so discover true joy,
Aid me in this quest, O God.
Help me find satisfaction
and a deep, abinding pleasure
in all that I have.
in all that I do,
in all that I am.