Tears stung her eyes as she looked at the words on that peice of paper
"I love you I do but I have to leave you for my new girl I mostly love her"
She threw it down as a crumpled ball then ran into her dreary room
"She can't be his, he's engaged to me he can only be my groom"
She picked up her cell and dialed a number to someone she trusts
"Tourture her kill her stab her do whatever it takes do what you must"
nevrously twiddling her fingers hoping that she wouldn't get caught
she tried to remember what caused this why they had fought
"She was always the best she was everything I wanted and now she has him"
She muttered "and now her chances to steal my man are very slim"
three hours passed by she heard her old boyfriend's ring tone
she reached to the side and slowley picked up the phone
"My girlfriend is dead, she has been raped and killed in our appartment"
he choked "my heart in broken it has been torn it has been ripped"
she held the phone close to her ear and he let out a cry
she said, "I'm sorry your new beloved had to die"
2007-03-17 09:31:23 · 6 answers · asked by NOT USING Y!A ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!! 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
its okay.
2007-03-17 09:37:04 · answer #1 · answered by hascht2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, its morbid. Your opinion of it is fairly accurate, but not for the morbidity. If you go to the extent of rhyming the poem, try to establish a rhythm. You could make it free flowing by eliminating the rhyme and making it more concise. Try it, you might be surprised at how it turns out.
2007-03-17 09:43:52 · answer #2 · answered by peachyone 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it! its a really good story but i kinda got confused towards the end. i know she killed her but who did the raping? but other than that it was really good. you should consider doing other creative pieces
2007-03-17 10:03:23 · answer #3 · answered by meju 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop being so hard on ur self i love it
2007-03-17 09:34:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm its kinda confusing.....the idea is good, needs work
2007-03-17 09:35:59 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your opinion is correct...
2007-03-17 09:36:20 · answer #6 · answered by Isabella R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋