Can anybody cheer me up with a good joke?? Feeling a liittle down at the mo!?

Question

that's little not liittle!!

Answer 1

Sorry to hear that Emma, hope this joke helps!,

Ghost Sex

A professor at Texas A&M University Kingsville, was giving a
lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raised their hand.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raised their hand.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raised their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raised their hand.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one more question. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Bubba raised his hand. The professor took off his glasses, and said "Son, in all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asked, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shiiiit! From way back thar I thought you said "Goats."

Sorry if it's a bit naughty, I'll give you a Star for your question, It'tl cheer you up!
Just like to say that your outfit does it for me!

Answer 2

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:


A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Answer 3

i think stable each and every morning waking up next to the guy i admire and married forty 3 years in the past. it extremely is superb how quickly the time has flown by. now's the time for us to finally have real time for another. We relish each and every others organisation and are inseparable. I dread to think of of what existence could be with out him. I very virtually lost him as quickly as to a concepts harm yet our love pulled him with the aid of. Now we relish existence extra and existence existence to the fullest

Answer 4

Here's one that is funny but rude and not very politically correct - don't read it anyone who is likely to be offended...



There were 2 dwarves, who were sick and tired of not being able to pull any women. So one evening, they decided to get themselves a couple of prostitues. They hired a couple of hotel rooms, met the hookers and took them up to the hotel rooms for an evening of entertainment.

In Room 202, the first drawf was getting really frustrated. As much as he tried, he just couldn't get it up. He tried and he tried. And to make matters worse, he could hear his mate in the room next door going "1, 2, 3, ergh!"

So he tried again. But no matter what he did, he still couldn't get it up. And his mate was still next door going "1, 2, 3, Ergh!"

In the end he gave up, and they just went to sleep.

The next morning he met his mate down in the foyer.
"I had a crap night," complained the dwarf, "no matter what I did I just couldn't get it up."

"What are you complaining about?" replied his mate,
"I couldn't even get onto the bed!"



Did that cheer you up?

Answer 5

A man walks along the street. In the distance he can hear 'Mark Mark'
He walks on a bit further and it get s louder ' Mark Mark Mark'.
He walks round a corner and now it is very loud. 'MARK MARK'.
He looks over the fence and sees a dog with a hare lip.

Answer 6

The Nun was having a bath.
A knock came on the door she said Who`s that!
A voice said its the blind man
she thought thats ok he wont be able to see anything hes blind
so she said come in.
As he walked past her he said- Nice T--- were do you want the the blinds fitted?

Answer 7

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.

Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL!

I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?

Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.

Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"

His wife stared at him.

"What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Answer 8

I've heard this joke. I thought it was funny!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip.
During the night Sherlock Holmes wakes up Dr. Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see".

Dr. Watson: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Sherlock Holmes: "And Watson, as London's finest doctor, what does that tell you?"

Dr. Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that space is infinite, that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Holmes, as England's finest detective, what does it tell you?"

Sherlock Holmes: "Watson, you idiot! Somebody stole our tent!"

Answer 9

Whats the difference between a sardine and a kebap?

Answer 10

Thank you for asking this question! The replies really made me laugh!