In your opinion, is there a flaw in Jewish marriage customs?

Question

I'm not asking this question to offend anyone. I'm studying marriage from different religious aspects, and this question was brought up in class.

Do you think there's a flaw? Some ideas that were brought up were:
- permittance of easy divorce
- a patriarchal-based life shared by the couple
- rejection of unmarried sex
- permittance of concubine(s)
- rejection of contraceptive sex
- requirement of endogamy (Jews marrying Jews only)

Any opinions regarding the above topics would be great. Thanks!

Answer 1

permittance of easy divorce.......
i don't know much on that subject. Divorce is never easy and far to many christians take it too lightly.

patriarchal based.....well they are following their beliefs set up according to the will of the God of this universe. If they believe in Him then they follow the principles whether they like it or not.

rejection of unmarried sex? What? That's a "bad" thing? Fornication has caused nothing but trouble since the beginning...diseases, unwanted pregnancies, separation from God. i see no value in fornication.

permittance of concubines? don't know where in the mosaic law where it gives permission. Maybe i'm ignorant on the subject but i don't think it gives permission but that God tolerated the sin for whatever reason. Abraham was pre-mosaic law and Solomon went against the will of God on this subject.

rejection of contraceptive sex......i don't know where this is addressed other than the verse where what's his face spilled his seed on the ground. But that addressed a lie he told the widow of his brother and his bride that he would give her a child and then recanted on the deal. He was performing the role of kinsman redeemer. He could have rejected it but chose to go along with it and then break the law by not providing her a child in his brothers name and redeemings his property.

endogamy...again, God's law...jews may not like it and have seemed to violate it enough in the past, but I can see why that would be bad. How many nations have attempted to breed a nation out of existance through rape and intermarraige. Within a few decades you could breed a group out of existance by intermarraige and rape. God had to keep Israel seperate and distinct because they were his chosen ppl. God knew the danger of being absorbed into the cultural background. Look at America. I have native american background but in such a tiny ammount...you can't even tell. I am very fair and freckled. The only thing I can see in myself that is native american is slightly ashen brown hair. My grandfathers mother was full blooded native american (not sure the tribe or group as she had been kidnapped from Florida and adopted by another native american family from Ohio so no one knows for sure exactly where she came from or what tribe she hailed from) anyways she married a french man...God knew what He was doing.

Answer 2

Dang! How come my rabbi never told me I was permitted to have a concubine?

But seriously, you're mixing up Reform and Orthodox laws here. Most Reform congregations accept no-fault divorce, Conservatives not so much, Orthodox hardly at all. Men are assumed to be the head of the household in most marriages I know-- it's not limited to Jews. Unmarried sex is frowned on by the Orthodox and most Conservatives, most Reform rabbis would assume a couple preparing to be married have already had sex. I don't know anybody who permits concubines. Rejection of contraceptives is not part of the creed of any Jews that I know, only Catholics. Most Conservative and Orthodox rabbis will only marry a couple of the same faith, many Reform rabbis don't care.

Answer 3

The problem with ALL marriage customs is that they imagine civilization as a stable unchanging force for good in people's lives. This is demonstrably untrue. Marriage customs are irrelevant in modern life, where finding and keeping a good job has become the sole measure of a person's worth. The idea that the church or the state should mettle in a person's most private affairs became obsolete when women gained the ability to control their own reproduction. Any woman foolish enough to raise children without a husband, should damn well be required to pay for them herself.

How does this relate to ancient Jewish marriage customs? It doesn't, and that's my point!

Answer 4

The Marital Relationship
Marriage is vitally important in Judaism. Refraining from marriage is not considered holy, as it is in some other religions. On the contrary, it is considered unnatural. The Talmud says that an unmarried man is constantly thinking of sin. The Talmud tells of a rabbi who was introduced to a young unmarried rabbi. The older rabbi told the younger one not to come into his presence again until he was married.

Marriage is not solely, or even primarily, for the purpose of procreation. Traditional sources recognize that companionship, love and intimacy are the primary purposes of marriage, noting that woman was created in Gen. 2:18 because "it is not good for man to be alone," rather than because she was necessary for procreation.

According to the Torah and the Talmud, a man was permitted to marry more than one wife, but a woman could not marry more than one man. Although polygyny was permitted, it was never common. The Talmud never mentions any rabbi with more than one wife. Around 1000 C.E., Ashkenazic Jewry banned polygyny because of pressure from the predominant Christian culture. It continued to be permitted for Sephardic Jews in Islamic lands for many years. To the present day, Yemenite and Ethiopian Jews continue to practice polygyny; however, the modern state of Israel allows only one wife. Those who move to Israel with more than one wife are permitted to remain married to all of the existing wives, but cannot marry additional ones.

A husband is responsible for providing his wife with food, clothing and sexual relations (Ex. 21:10), as well as anything else specified in the ketubah. Marital sexual relations are the woman's right, not the man's. A man cannot force his wife to engage in sexual relations with him, nor is he permitted to abuse his wife in any way (a practice routinely permitted in Western countries until quite recently).

A married woman retains ownership of any property she brought to the marriage, but the husband has the right to manage the property and to enjoy profits from the property.

Prohibited Marriages and Illegitimate Children
The minimum age for marriage under Jewish law is 13 for boys, 12 for girls; however, the kiddushin can take place before that, and often did in medieval times. The Talmud recommends that a man marry at age 18, or somewhere between 16 and 24.

The Torah sets forth a laundry list of prohibited relations. Such marriages are never valid. A man cannot marry certain close blood relatives, the ex-wives of certain close blood relatives, a woman who has not been validly divorced from her previous husband, the daughter or granddaughter of his ex-wife, or the sister of his ex-wife during the ex-wife's life time. For a complete list, see 613 Mitzvot (Commandments).

The offspring of such a marriage are mamzerim (bastards, illegitimate), and subject to a variety of restrictions; however it is important to note that only the offspring of these incestuous or forbidden marriages are mamzerim. Children born out of wedlock are not mamzerim in Jewish law and bear no stigma, unless the marriage would have been prohibited for the reasons above. Children of a married man and a woman who is not his wife are not mamzerim (because the marriage between the parents would not have been prohibited), although children of a married woman and a man who is not her husband are mamzerim (because she could not have married him).

There are other classes of marriages that are not permitted, but that are valid if they occur and that do not make the children mamzerim. The marriage of minors, of a Jew to a non-Jew, and of a kohein to the prohibited classes of women discussed below fall into this category.

A kohein is not permitted to marry a divorcee, a convert, a promiscuous woman, a woman who is the offspring of a forbidden marriage to a kohein, or a woman who is the widow of a man who died childless but who has been released from the obligation to marry her husband's brother. A kohein who marries such a woman is disqualified from his duties as a kohein, as are all the offspring of that marriage.

Answer 5

People can see flaws in anything according to what standpoint they view it from.

God's Laws are the laws that should be sought, not man-made laws. Man-made laws lead to destruction, if not in this world, then in the Hereafter.

Whereas God's Law lead to success.

However, the laws revealed to Moses (peace be upon him) no longer apply now; but rather the laws revealed to Muhammad(peace and blessings of God beu pon him).

Answer 6

If one is trying for a closed culture, then the rules set are usually strict so that there is no "wiggle room" in it's interpretation.

At the times these customes were put in place, they worked well for the culture.

Answer 7

Yes, I'd agree with the Jews only marring Jews as the biggest issue there. If they'd just let that one go, eventually the honkers would get smaller.

Answer 8

easily explained
- gotta get away from that b*tch as fast as possible
- it's over if there's no 3some with patricia
- they r goin be gay soon anyway
- hookers are allowed but the price just went up
- pretend she's not your sister, ok

Answer 9

all marriages are flawed...