Mothers Day for the childless people?

Question

Is there anybody out there who can't have children or who is struggling to have them find Mother's Day (and Father's Day) tough going?

I do a little bit. It's not the day itself so much it's the going out to get stuff for my Mum and seeing all the cards and pressies and people buying that gets me down a bit. It reminds you that you're in the minority. The day itself is just a regular Sunday in our house. My hubby and I jokingly call it 'Rub-it-in-your-face Day. LOL

MANCHESTER: Shame on you for not being more sensitive towards a childess person!! I'm allowed to feel bad you know. And my lovely mum understands.

LULU: It's a bad time for a lot of people with defferent circumstances I would think.

pamela g: I hope you don't think I asked this for missing something as trivial as getting the odd present? Not the point of my question at all.

MANCHESTER (again): I know you're getting a few thumbs up. But you really didn't get my point I don't think. I'm not undermining or belittling anybody and certainly not any mums but it's a very difficult day for poeple without children. I can't believe you've attacked me.

welshy: Adoption isn't always the answer for childless people. It would be wrong to adopt if your heart isn't in it. And you have to get a very tough skin when you are childless because people tell you to adopt quite flippantly and to accept you can't have children like it goes away (7 years and counting - still on my mind morning, noon and night some days) and also they tell you to stop whinging and the like. You feel bad enough on occassion without this kind of lack of understanding. Sorry.

xAngel:'im not being harsh - but there are thousands of childless couples out there, who im sure find it hard! much harder than you'

You're not being harsh! I think you are -very. It's a hard day for lots of people for many reasonsbut if they've lost their mum or have lost a child they get sympathy. If you feel it's a bad day because it's yet another reminder that you aren't a mum after years or failure you get very little in the way of support. That is harsh. I know. I lost my Dad and I know how hard Fathers Day is but, bleieve me, this is just as hard. You don't know until it happens to you. I love my mum and NEVER SAID I DIDN'T so why are some people coming at me from that angel??

Answer 1

Like Christmas, birthdays etc. I know it is hard for anyone who has lost their mother or doesn't get along with their mother. And it's hard for childless couples as well. I'm childless and there have been years where I really wish I could be in on the holiday. And it's not the presents. I wouldn't care if I had a little one bringing me soggy cereal and a burnt piece of toast I would be happy. It's really not Mother's Day it's really wanting to be a mother that is hurting you. And you're right. I'm going through foster classes and trying to go up the ladder to be able to adopt. It's not as easy to adopt as people think. On those days I think we have to remember all the people we have in our lives that do give us love. An example: Last year at around that time I confessed to a co-worker that the day got me a little down because I miss so much not having children. She got me a Mother's Day card and gave me at work and said you are a mother because you always mother all of us and really care when we are down or have problems. Look for those special gifts from those around you and you will also feel special until you have those children.

Answer 2

Unless you go through the problem of childless ness, you don't know. So there are some very unkind comments on here. I thought I was going to be childess, we'd tried for ages (6+ years) and we gave up trying.... and it happened!

But as a minister, on mothering Sunday I always make sure that the words I use are okay for everybody. not everybody has been able to have kids, or even had satisfying relationships with their Mother. So I thank God for those who are Mothers, and those who have been like mothers to us.... and sisters, and guide leaders, and friends and teachers....

Father's day is equally tough for many too.

So you have my empathy!
Hang on in there!

Answer 3

I can sympathise with you here, well in a way. I used to hate Mother's Day every year, my mother walked out when I was 3 and made it very clear she didn't want to know me so every year on Mother's Day I'd be reminded of this. Then my Father died and now I find Father's Day hard as well.

I'm currently pregnant with my first child so haven't experienced receiving anything or any fuss being made of me but I remember when we were trying (I've got PCOS so it took a while) and each year thinking will next year be different.

Hang in there, things will happen for you. I know it's hard but stay positive.

Answer 4

I think if you have lost a child or desperatley are trying for one it will be quite difficult. My mother died when I was very young, and I just send my dad a card as usual, it started in school so I wouldn't have to sit doing nothing while everyone made their mums cards, just kept it up.
If you are trying for a baby, and not having much luck, don't worry to much, it's pretty likely to happen one day, small consolation I know, but good luck.xx

Answer 5

i cant say i know how you feel,because i have 2 kids hun, maybe you and hubby can make each other a card like something with To the best woman/man a child could ever wish for as a mother/father

maybe even do a little chore for each other just like you may do for a special day


not much but

Happy Mothers day hun

Answer 6

No Disrespect But Why Dont Childless Couples Who cant have Children Adopt? instead of Whingeing about what can I do etc etc My Mum Died aged 90 in 2005 A widow at 50 what she did was Foster Vunerable Children, the 1st one is still MY Brother to this Day. Dont be Negative Be Positive?

Answer 7

Most mothers are selfless, dedicated , caring and loving to their children without expecting anything in return. This day is a reminder of us appreciating all that our mothers have done for us. By the way it does not have to be your mother that you congradulate. Any decent mother will deserve a small reminder on that day so they know that they are being appreciated.

Answer 8

well....before i was a mummy....mothers day was about my Mum!! i have a cake and some tulips waiting on the side for her for tomorrow when i go round for dinner!

So just treasure your mum!!! Im sure,and i hope you will one day have a child who will appreciate you on mothers day, but you havent and so treasure your own mum

im not being harsh - but there are thousands of childless couples out there, who im sure find it hard! much harder than you

rub it in you face day???? how about lets give thanks to our mums day!!

Answer 9

i sometimes am amazed at such innocent questions and the backlash they recieve...you didnt deserve that in my opinion.

i feel for you as i struggled to have children, though i did eventually have two so im very lucky but you never forget the pain of thinking you will never have them.

days like tommorrow make you focus on the issue and your bound to feel a little sorry for yourself and that is fine, me and my friends readily admit that we have little 'pity parties'for ourselves now and again...people need to acknowledge their sadness for a little while so they can move on.

Answer 10

i understand it in a different side of the coin
my parents have both passed away (one 12 years ago the other nearly 4 years back) and mothers/fathersday always gets me down but getting away from it (on the bike) does help no end


paul