What is your opinion on this matter?

Question

My parents have been married for 29 years. My dad has been an alcoholic since 2004. He has never tried to get treatment and laughs when we call him an alcoholic. I am married and 12 weeks pregnant. My mom and I are best friends and I always know when something is up with her and it is always because my dad had some drunken rage and either got mad at her for some stupid little thing(example: got mad at her because she got the mail instead of him) or he has a drunken rage and just decides out of the blue that my 16year old sis cannot go somewhere that night because he doesnt want her to(note that he only disciplines her when he is drunk) My dad is in denial completely and yes he does drink and drive and I can't take it anym ore. I cannot even count how many nights my sister or mother has called me wanting me to pick them up because he wont let them out of the garage to leave in the car.When I get to the house(20 minutes away) to pick them up usually they come stay at my husbands

any my house for the night. My dad calls all night long and comes out to my house and my husband has had it with him. My husband told me last night when another episode was going on that our child was to not be around my dad when it is born. I have to say I agree. However obviosuly my mother is completely welcome to be around the child. My dad calls my cell phone atleast 3 times a day just to talk when really I have nothing to say to the drunk. Am I wrong for wanting him out of my life? How do I explain to him that our relationship is over without him just saying that my mom and sister tell me to much and that he just drinks a little and we don't know anything? What would you do? I forgot to mention-when i go to my moms house my dad usually hasnt even taken a bath for a week or two and it is embarrasing to bring my husband to see my dad like that. When the whole family goes out to eat-my dad never comes-I dont think he has been out to eat with the whole family in probably 10 years.

He doesnt come to Christmas at my grandmothers house and I get sick of everyone asking me why is your dad not here? I feel like my life has revolved around him for almost 3 years and I just cannot take it anymore. I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. My mom has tried to leave him before but he harrasses her at work and he follows her and I do fear for her life if she leaves him.

Answer 1

My opinion is kick him out or they leave him. If he isn't willing to seek treatment this is what needs to be done spousal abuse and child abuse are crimes. You mom could end up losing your sister because of your dad. and because she wont provide a safe home for your sister

Answer 2

Your father has an alcoholic problem and that is no reason for you and the rest of your family to abandon him. He needs you all. You are his daughter, your husband is his son in law and that baby is his grandchild. Your mom needs to get your father the help that he needs and you all need to stay by his side, not leave him alone because that could kill him. What are you people thinking? That's harsh no helping your dad. I know he has drove you all crazy and that pain needs to heal. But don't only think about yourselves. Get him the help he needs and he could be sober and have clear eyes for the first time by the time the baby is born. Wouldn't it be nice to have your husband place your baby into your fathers arms for the first time and he actually be sober? Keeping a baby from another family member, especially a grandfather, would cause the baby great harm too. You are a family and families stand beside one another. He's your father and if you love him and can't take it anymore, then you would help your mom get the help he needs regardless of if it wants it or not. He obviously hasn't been thinking about his family either, does he know that? No he doesn't because he is too drunk to. When he gets sober, he will be able to look back on all of this and thank you for the help he received. Don't tear your family apart more than it already is when it can be fixed. Good luck and i hope I helped a lot because I went through this to, also while I was pregnant.

Answer 3

This must be so very difficult for you, as well as your sister and mum, i feel for you, pregnancy is never easy, and with all the added pressure it must be terrible!
I think that you need to either ave a discussion with the rest of the family about your father and come to some decision about where your relationships all go from here, or, all 3 of you keep a diary, take pictures, even FILM your father when he has been drinking, and then confront him with it when he is completely sober, maybe this will spur him onto changing.
i hope you get this sorted out hun and very good luck with the new baby ;-)

Answer 4

yes your dad sounds like an alcoholic. he's also controlling when he drinks. if you know your dad is drinking and driving, you need to call the cops. if someone dies because of this, you'll never forgive yourself.

your father is going to have to hit rock bottom before he admits he has a problem. in the meantime your mom, sister and you should go to Alon meetings. this will open your eyes to a whole new look on the problem.

Answer 5

Many alcoholics are not ready to admit that they have a problem. As an "outsider" you can't fix it either. Until your father wants help, there is little you can do short of an intervention. The best thing you could do is encourage your mother and sister to seek counseling for themselves.

You need to make sure you take care of yourself and your family first!

Answer 6

You should tell your dad (when he's not drunk) that whether he likes it or not, he is an alchoholic and when he drinks and drives he is not only breaking the law but endangering others. He also does bad things to the rest of his family and that they are gonna stay at your place until he goes to a rehab.

Answer 7

i have been and well...still in your shoes..i decided 2 years ago to tell him get help in 30 days or i wont talk to him...it's been two years i haven't spoken a word. He drinks from a.m/p.m he doesn't remember the things he says...mostly they are dirty things...because he was such a player(thank god my mom left him) yes he was a dangerous man. 18 years of beating er...cheating on her...and beating us. My sorrows are that in 4 months I am getting married...and wont invite him. I do loose sleep. It's not the easiest thing..my mom always says just forget it and talk to him...for at the rate he is going...he wont be here long...after two heart attacks, a plug in his artery, he wont listen. He is not lonley, he is remarried, to a nice but lonley woman. You must tell him, if he doesn't get help...you guys are through...at first I thought it might help, but he choose to drink, so i am at no fault at all. Trust me everything you see with your father...mine too. It will be sad for you. but you have to give a date...and stick to it.

Answer 8

my opinion is that it seems like a sad matter. maybe you should write the same thing,but try to do it in a way that you believe your father would wite it. maybe you can see his side too. just because someone has a different side to the story doesn't make it right, it just makes it a different side. and you can't begin to solve the problem unless you know where the other person is coming from (remembering that they may or may not be right)

Answer 9

i think you should talk your mom in to telling your dad she wants a divorce unless he starts AA or something. She should talk to him when he is sober and she should really cry and try to put on a good show so maybe he will see how much he is hurting his family and he will want to get help. So sorry for your situation. we're in the same situation too.

Answer 10

okay my opinion is he needs an intervention or needs to be kicked out. with out limits and consitency of word he will take advantage. its not safe for the siblings either. if ur mom doesnt do anything call social services for your siblings sake