should i have a baby?

Question

right people im having a dilemma, me and my partner of almost a year (who ive been best friends with for 5 years), really want to have a baby, but... i already have 2 children from 2 dads, my dad would go absolutley ape and probably not talk to me, my partner wouldnt be able to live with me at first as we cannot afford it, i have plans to go to college but i would rather put them on hold to have a baby so that all my children are close together, also me and my partner have a brilliant relationship and my partner gets on so well with my children, what do you think i should do. i dedicate my life to my children so if your thinking of putting something horrible please dont.
thankyou

just for the record i dont live at home with my parents, i rent a private home

Answer 1

first of all do whats right for you and your partner alone, not your dad or anyone else. its your body, your life, your family. you need to make the decision on what will make you the happiest and what is the most sensible option. also i know it might seem important to you to have your children a similar age but a few years is only a few years. if you can't afford it right now which is what it sounds like, surely by doing a college course which might enable you to get a job which pays better money might be more important at this precise time, so you can save up and really afford the baby and be able to provide for it properly without any or limited worries. at the end of the day if you love each other that much and are that stable waiting one, two or maybe three more years will not be a problem and then when you do have a baby it might be more special as you are in a better position to suport it and to support each other. hope that helps.

Answer 2

I think you should hold off - having 3 young children close together is wonderful but tiring and could put a huge strain on this young relationship. My youngest is now almost 3 and my hubby and I are almost always exhausted.
If you truly want to have more children maybe you should consider doing your college course and establishing this relationship even further then give your children a younger sibling or two. Under those sort of circumstance I am sure your Dad would be more than delighted to become a grandparent again.
Also allowing you children to develop a more permanent bond with your new partner without feeling pushed out by a new baby may help them feel secure in this new family unit.

Answer 3

Only you can decide really but as you have asked here goes.
I would say not for a few reasons, you and your partner haven`t been together for very long you need to get to know each other in this relationship not just as friends. You have 2 children and what sounds like a bit of a cash flow problem. Do you really want to alienate your dad? he is your childrens Grandad and they would miss having contact with them.
Go to college, settle with your partner and then think about a baby in a few years time. Think what a help your children will be when you eventually have the baby.
Whatever you decide I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Well you have answered this yourself haven't you? With all that against you I wouldn't bother just yet. Imagine if he can't handle it and leaves you? I'm sure he won't but what if the situation is so harsh that he does? Then you will ahve three kids three different dad's. This may give you a reputation, and alot of guys may run screaming from you in the future, thinking you just wanna get pregnant again.
I would go to college, get a job, and then have a baby when you are entitled to maternity leave, then you will living together.(I find it amazing you want a child with someone you have never even lived with) You have had children with two guys already, why did those relationships not work out? I'm not being harsh, I have a daughter from a relationship before I married my husband, but we won't have kids until everything is perfect, there is no way I want to end up on my own with two kids with two different guys, iand I'm sorry you have ended up that way. don';t make the same mistake again, and wait!

Answer 5

NO! As a mother, your first duty is to the kids you already have. That means postponing having another child and getting an education, a career and a home of your own.

What if you and the prospective father don't work out? Men leave, they become disabled and they even die. Who will support you and THREE children? What kind of example to the children would you be...you are broke, uneducated and living in poverty. Is that the kind of life you want your children to grow up seeing and then emulating?

The best decision you could possibly make is to become able to independantly provide yourself and your existing children with a stable environment before deciding to have any more children.

I also question the wisdom/maturity of the prospective father. Why on earth would a man want to impregnant a woman who has 2 kids she is financially unable to care for independantly and has no education? Shouldn't he want the best possible situation for his child? Why would a man want to impregnat a woman and then not be able to be there through the pregnancy and in the same home with his child?

My sister is 23 years old and the mother of 4 kids by two different fathers. She lives at home with our father and step-mother. They are all miserable! She hates living by someone elses rules and my parents hate having to deal with trying to support her, her kids and with having children in the house (no matter how much they love the kids) at a time in their lives when they should be visiting the grandkids and retired. My sister also has no education and neither do either of the kids fathers. My fathers health took a turn for the worse unexpectedly. Who will take care of her and the kids when he is gone? State aid doesn't pay enough, even with a job, for them to live on their own.

I think having another child at this time would be the worst thing you could do for all concerned. It would also be very irresponsible and selfish. Besides, think of how much happier you and everyone else would be if you had a degree, a good job, a home and could live with your partner when you decided to have another baby. You would feel secure, less stress and worry, be happy and be able to truly enjoy the experience of being a woman and mother.

Answer 6

it's good that your 2 kids get along well with your new partner, but to have another baby, at this time, may not be the best idea. if this guy really loves you, he will make it work. if you can't afford to live together, then you probably can't afford to get married (which right now is something you may need to consider, after having 2 kids with 2 different guys), then you probably cannot afford another baby. and it's good that you want to finish college -- why don't you go ahead do that first? afterwhich, you can get a better job with better pay, and then you'll be able to take care of your babies better.

Answer 7

Only you can really answer that question! If you both really want a child then go for it as long as you are sure about the relationship and that you can provide for the child even if you end up splitting up. As you have not been together that long, why not gove it a few more months? You do not tell us your ages..... It seems that you have aspirations to go to college which would also allow you to provide for your children financially in the future although you can study and be a mum at the same time. I was and so are many women! If I was in your shoes I would wait as you already have 2 kids from 2 different dads so maybe there is a pattern emerging here? Think about what is best for your kids first and whether or not having another baby is really the right thing, right now. Only you know that!

Answer 8

Looking at all the answers you have been given ..the general idea seems to be no.
BUT...no-one has pointed out the obvious. Don't you think that you should be discussing this matter with your partner, and not on here. It is his opinion you should be seeking. And if he is quite happy to go along with whatever you want, perhaps you shouldn't have a baby with him, as deciding to bring a child into this life should be a joint decision where possible. If it isn't the one who "had a gun put to their head" will eventually resent the partner, and possibly the child as well.

Answer 9

If you are already living at home with your parents then you are not the soul provider for your children. You need to take care of your children on your own solely before you even think about having another child. When you got to the point of being able to take care of your children on your own and go to work and school, then ask yourself if you are ready to handle another kid.
Almost a year is not a long time to make a life long decision with. The both of you need to ask yourself if you are ready to take care of a family of five on your own (you, him, and 3 kids), you never know what a situation may hold. Does this person help you take care of the children that you already have? If he does not think about how it will be if you have a child if you two are in a relationship and thinking about adding on to what you already have then he should have no problem with taking care of the two you have, because if you all have a child together then the child that you have together would be your other kids sibling. If he cannot take care of them or have a problem doing for them is this a person that you would want to have a child with.

If I was you I would wait till I have my act together and he has his together.

Answer 10

I would suggest to wait until you finish college, or get some kind of degree. Kids benefit a lot more from having a financially and emotionally stable environment than they benefit from having siblings who are close in age. If you plan on staying at home,a degree in accounting, graphic design, medical coding, or something like that will enable you to work from home.
That way, you can provide for your children even if your partner is not around, plus you will have time to figure out living arrangements with your partner.
Do not rush into things.