My father in law called & asked me and my husband to haul his horses to a parade today. My husband agreed to do so without even consulting me & also knowing I didn't think we should.
I wouldn't have a problem hauling my father in laws horses on a different occasion- but he was wanting us to haul his horses so he could ride with this one mans ranch riding club. The man he was going to ride for abuses & starves his horses and has over a dozen horses that are 250-300 lbs under weight. I already called the sheriff on him.
I told my husband that I didn't think it was right because us showing up with our truck& trailer was basically saying that we support his riding group & the way he treats his horses. My husband said he didn't care & he was going to do it anyways. He told me when it came to his dad's happiness or me that he chooses his dad- because he owes it to his dad. he told me he picks his dad & that I need to move out- we've been married 3 years, have one daughter & one on the way
2007-03-17 04:23:42 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I love my husband very much- & when I said this isn't the first time that he's chosen his dad over me- I mean I'm always second. I try & compromise by going out to my father in laws house with my husband- but I end up juggling my daughter for hours in the heat(his parents don't have air conditioning and we live in TEXAS).
I've tried everything from just letting him go hang with his father- but when I do...my husband stays out all day leaving me with all the errands & with our 19 month old daughter. Yesterday was my first sonogram & my husband came in from only working half a day & when I tried to tell him it was time to go- he snapped and said that he was tired so let him sleep & go do what I needed to have done by myself. I think he told me to move out because we found out we're having another girl. My husbands dad is old time Mexican and in his opinion & my husbands having a wife that won't have a son is like having a lame horse. I'm at my end- but still want my marraige to work.
2007-03-17 04:41:28 · update #1
Forgot to mention- not only are the truck and trailer both mine(HAD THEM BOTH BEFORE I GOT MARRIED). but my husband promised to go with me into the big city to pick out furniture and clothes for our daughters room.
When I brought this up- he said that his father was more important.
2007-03-17 04:46:25 · update #2
I can understand the disparity in whether or not the father in-laws horses should be hauled to the horse abusers ride. That would need some discussion.
I have no sympathy with your husbands remarks. While I was married she was my family, the others were my relatives. I would have never put relatives before my family! And over a stupid thing like this I would never have told my pregnant wife of my child to move out.
Sounds like there is more trouble in your marriage then you wanted to state in this question.
2007-03-17 04:35:46 · answer #1 · answered by shovelkicker 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At this point, does it really matter who was right or wrong? You have a much more important decision to make. Do you stay in a relationship with a man who doesn't want you or do you move on with your life. Also at this point why does your other half feel as if he "owes" his father anything? Sounds like your guy and yourself could use a bit of counseling and I know I would have serious doubts of staying with someone who so solidly put his father before his own children. You may not agree with what he did, but if this kind of thing, is what makes him want to end his relationship with you, then you need to wonder exactly how long he has been feeling this way, and work on more important things in your relationship than an argument over if he takes his father's horses to a parade or not.
2007-03-17 04:36:59 · answer #2 · answered by sassyliz32 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No offense, but it sounds like you went too far with your opinions. If you want to make a difference in the lives of these horses, do, but use a legal approach and don't jeopardize your family life. I agree with what you are saying, but you have gone about it in the wrong way. Hus didn't need your permission to help his dad. You are trying to control him. Just calm down. Since you know where your hus stands on this, I'd pretend the whole situation didn't happen and call the ASPCA on Monday on this mean guy. Get him out of the picture and you won't have this problem again.
I'm really shocked that people are telling you to get a divorce because of an argument over some horses! This is your FAMILY! They come first, then helping others.
Don't go with him anymore. Tell him he may not use YOUR trailer to do ANYTHING that has to do with that abuser.
As far as the whole pregnancy/daughter thing goes. I'd sit down and calmly talk with hus when he wasn't so tired. He is probably stressed about the thought of another child. Men get nervous just like we do. They just don't show it the same way. He can go another time to get furniture. Try to be flexible. It is hard to help your parents and your family sometimes.
2007-03-17 04:33:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
"his dad's happiness" A man that loves his father is a good man.
"The man he was going to ride for abuses & starves his horses" .....I've never seen a starving horse in a parade. In any case your husband snapped at you, which I'm sure was heart breaking, instead of saying he loves his father. That's definately not a bad thing is it? Some guys dads are out doing bad things to other people and hurting themselves.
It's a power struggle.
If the horses are starving it's possible for things to get better ya know...
2007-03-17 04:58:08 · answer #4 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i think u were in the right here all the way, if the other man are abusing and using his horses as starves,then yes if the two of u shows up bringing the horses in on your truck, then u are as much in this as the other man are, your husband seems to be kind of crazy and need to get him self checked out, and you and the kids are his family now, not his Dad, so when he tell u to leave then you need to tell him if he's that much in love with his dad then he's the one that needs to leave because I'm not going anywhere. and by Law he can't put you out, that's your place as well as his, and men can't understand why some women dog them out, well it's because when one of them gets a good woman, someone who's giving them kid's and a loving home they can't see it. i feel sorry for your husband he really needs help, ask him can his dad give him baby's!!!!!!
2007-03-17 04:50:14 · answer #5 · answered by Kas-O 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes i see the point your making here and no he shouldn;t be choosing in the first place between you or anyone else! I'm sure that your husband is not supporting the way this guy mistreats his horses he is just being there for his father and that's okay!So let him do this with his dad and you should just tell him you don't want any part of it!
2007-03-17 04:34:08 · answer #6 · answered by sweetsmiles69@jennieask-me 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband was wrong in soooo many ways! It's good for your husband to want his dad to be happy, but he crossed the line when he said that his dad's happiness comes before yours, and then to tell you to move out. Go ahead and move out since he told you too, or if it's your place too then change the locks while he's gone and put his packed suitcases outside the door. Tell him he can go live with his Dad and they can keep making each other happy and you're going to concentrate on your children and their happiness as well as your own. Good Luck.
P.S.- Don't forget to get an attorney! Do it now.
2007-03-17 04:29:56 · answer #7 · answered by nimo22 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sweetheart you have bigger problems than horses, your husband should always be on your side, if he asks you to move out, do so.Your main concern at this point should be taking care of your child(ren). He obviously has some very serious character flaws you can do nothing about. Get some counseling yourself, you deserve better.Bless you...
2007-03-17 04:32:21 · answer #8 · answered by Sandy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow...sounds like your husband is being a jerk. Animal Cruelty is such a sad case. Totally undeserved. I appreciate you looking out for us who can't. I know its hard but you should take a stand as well and go stay with your family for a little bit till your husband comes around. If he truly loves you then he'll come find you and apologize, if he doesn't then hopefully you'll see where your marriage stands. GOOD LUCK!
2007-03-17 04:28:43 · answer #9 · answered by Scott F 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he must be going thru something because to me he sound a little stupid (soryy but thats not a way to talk to a pregnant women). make sure he wasn't on anything because if my husband said that to me especially while pregnant i would be the one kicking him out. i'm sorry for you and i hope you guys work this out. and tell him his living with you and not his dad and if he doesn't like it he can go and live with daddyyy wua wuawua. best of luck
2007-03-17 04:32:13 · answer #10 · answered by helgerti 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋